Adam and Kristen

Dancing

2012-01-17T23:19:00.004-07:00

Raising a kid is hard work. More for Kristen than for me. Scarlett is very demanding, and doesn't take very good naps. As a result, Kristen doesn't usually get to shower in the morning (I try to come home from work for lunch, and give her the chance), let alone really get ready for the day, poor dear.

Tonight, while we were making dinner, she left to feed Scarlett. When she came back to the kitchen and put Scarlett in her swing, she just seemed very tired. We had Spotify playing some Brad Paisley, and the song "New Favorite Memory" came on.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She started swaying back and forth a little bit, and I turned her around and kissed her, then pulled her close and we danced. I was suddenly overcome with gratitude that I am married to this beautiful woman who gives of herself and her time so selflessly to take care of our tiny little girl, and I offered a prayer to Heavenly Father, that He would always help me remember what's most important, and how blessed I am.

Day Zero 101

2012-01-15T21:07:00.005-07:00

A few years ago, I started an experiment called Day Zero: 101 in 1001. The idea was to come up with 101 goals I wanted to accomplish, and to do them in 1001 days (roughly 2.75 years). I didn't quite accomplish all I'd set out to do, so I've decided to make another go of it. If you'd like to track my progress (and give me encouraging words of advice as I go), feel free to check it out here.

2011 Letter

2012-01-05T12:48:00.002-07:00

Merry belated Christmas and Happy belated New Year! Here is a link to our 2011 Buchanan Christmas letter. Enjoy!

Stuffed Mushrooms, a la Adam

2012-01-02T15:02:00.006-07:00

So New Year's Eve, I tried out making my own stuffed mushrooms. We love stuffed mushrooms, and get them all the time at restaurants. Funny enough, I think my favorite are actually Olive Garden's.

I based my recipe off of a couple of other recipes I found, but added my own twists. Kristen's words after eating these were: "Home run babe. Home run." Most stuffed mushrooms have some kind of seafood in them (crab, clams, etc.), but these use the much more accessible bacon, and are super easy to make. I hope you enjoy them!

Ingredients
About 1/2 lb. (20-30) whole mushrooms
1 package cream cheese, softened
1/4 C. grated parmesan cheese
Dash of cayenne pepper (about 1/4 t.)
Dash of onion powder (about 1/4 t.)
6 slices bacon
1 medium clove garlic, minced fine
Italian bread crumbs (I use Progresso - only about $1-2 at the grocery store)

Cook the bacon slices in a pan until crispy. Wipe out the pan with paper towels, retaining a little of the bacon fat in the pan. Chop (or crumble) the bacon very fine.

Remove the stems from mushroom caps, and rinse both stems and caps well, then dry with a paper towel. Chop up the stems fine, then fry them with the garlic in the retained bacon fat. Once any moisture has evaporated (about 5 minutes - careful not to burn the garlic), mix them with the cream cheese, parmesan cheese, bacon, and spices.

Fill the mushroom caps with the cheese/bacon mixture (you can fill beyond the top - just don't add too much, or they will bubble over). Then dip the cheese-filled end in bread crumbs. This will help keep the filling from bubbling out of the mushroom.

Place the filled mushrooms (not touching) filling side up on a foil-lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 about 15-20 minutes, until the mushrooms are piping hot (the liquid from the mushrooms will start to pool under them). Enjoy!

Privacy

2011-09-30T17:15:00.003-06:00

I haven't written much this last year. Sure, I've been busy - a pregnant wife, a few plays, work, getting ready to apply to grad school - but it also has to do with the issue of privacy. I'm not a super-private person, as any regular reader of this blog knows. I've shared a lot of my personal thoughts and feelings with the world over the years, though this blog.

But I've been debating how much I should share. In our modern world, you can use the internet to find just about anything, or anyone. Just think about how many times you've Facebook or blog-stalked someone:

I have a child now - I want to do everything I can to protect her. Not to be overly paranoid, but there are bad people out there. So I'm trying to come to some kind of a balance with still wanting to share, but trying to keep private things private. I don't want to take my blog "private" - I like being able to view peoples' blogs in Google Reader - there are about four private blogs I follow, and I have to have separate links for them. For an organized person like me, that's kind of annoying. I only put up with it if I really like you. :) So the idea is to strike a balance with not sharing too much personal information, but sharing just enough. If I know you, and you want more information, feel free to email me and ask. I know people always say that, and no one ever emails - but seriously, email me and ask.

As I said, our baby girl was born recently. Her name is Scarlett Marie, and she is adorable. We love everything about her - even when she's driving us crazy. We're getting the hang of being parents, slowly but surely - she is the best part of our lives.

I've been a journal keeper for a long time, until the last couple years (since I've been married, essentially). I feel bad I haven't written about my life, thoughts, feelings, etc., especially now that I have a kid, but maybe I just need a fresh start. I can take blog postings, Christmas letters, Facebook statuses (stati?), and use them to fill in the gaps for the last little while. And then I want to do something like this:

I know this was made as an ad for Google Chrome, but I love it.

Letter to My Girl

2011-08-05T17:15:00.003-06:00

Dear baby girl,

I feel kinda silly right now. I’m sitting at work, and trying to find a song that conveys my feelings about you. And I’m crying. That’s right – I’m crying, because as I listen to these songs, I know that someday you’re going to grow up and leave, and it breaks my heart. I haven’t even met you yet, and I’m already sad to see you go.

I don’t want to give you away to some young punk. I don’t want you to grow up and move away, to not need me anymore. You’re my little girl, and I love you more than you know. I am beginning to understand the love parents have for their children. I can’t wait to meet you, baby girl.

Love,
Daddy

Primary

2011-08-04T17:09:00.003-06:00

The last year and a half, I’ve served in Primary of the Heatheridge 6th Ward. I’d been a substitute teacher before, but this was my first church calling serving with the children at church. I was called as the Primary pianist – technically as one of the pianists, since there seem to be fewer callings to go around in Utah wards. Too many active members of the Church – not a bad problem to have. I loved playing the piano – it was in my comfort zone, and I got to listen to all the funny things the kids say in Primary.

Well, last summer, our wonderful Primary chorister up and moved on us. We were very sad to see her go – she was so much fun, and I loved serving with her. But guess who they called as the new Primary music leaders? Kristen and me!

At first we were super-nervous about it. I’ve never directed music before, and for some reason, little kids seem imposing. Maybe it’s because you have to work to keep their attention. As Rebekah (our predecessor) told us, you always need to have some sort of a “gimmick” to keep them engaged. A game, or props, or pictures, or all three. Something.

But as we’ve had the privilege to teach music to these wonderful children for the last year, to see some of them graduate Primary and go on to young men’s and young women’s, it’s not so scary. And we’ve learned that they’ve really been teaching us all along. I think I’ve become a more humble person, a more soft-spoken person (although at the same time, you DO have to speak up sometimes in Primary), a more kind person, simply by being around these awesome kids.

And I say they’re awesome – sometimes a couple of them are punks, it’s true. But if you threaten them with coming up front to sing a solo…and then actually follow through with it…they learn that you mean business. And they also learn that singing can be fun. And you still love them and think they’re great. The best I’ve ever felt about a calling was when I heard that a little girl in Primary told her mom she wished they would do singing time for all of Primary – that it was never long enough.

I think I’ve always secretly been an “aspirer.” I never sought after it, but I always kinda wanted to have that teaching position, or that leadership position. It makes you feel good when you know the Lord has that kind of confidence in you. And I like to teach – it’s enjoyable, definitely. But nothing compares to being in the Primary. I now know why this is my mom’s favorite calling, and I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing of teaching music to his sweet children.

Here are some of our favorite moments/quotes from Primary:

Leader: “What’s General Conference?”
Kid: “He was a soldier.”

Leader: “Does the Holy Ghost have a body?”
Kids: “No!”
Bela: “He only has a head!”

Leader: “Who’s the third member of the Godhead? There’s Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and…?”
Abby: “Nephi?”

Leader: “What’s so special about your family?”
Bela: “My mommy and daddy sleep together.”

Caitlin: “I testify that the prophets are like the living God, but not, because they’re different…”

Leader (showing pictures of people and asking how we can serve them): “What can you do to help a blind person?”
Sarah: “You can say, ‘Don’t go over there! That’s a nitro glycerin plant!’”

Atheists on Facebook

2011-06-11T12:16:00.004-06:00

I know many people who are either atheist or agnostic. As many of my associations are among Latter-day Saints, many of these people are former Mormons. But these people don't just disbelieve in God - they are anti-theist. They attack religion and those with a belief in God. Consistently, their Facebook pages are filled with posts deriding theists. I don't understand these people. I don't see the same anger and hatred for other religions (or lack thereof) on the pages of any of my religious friends. In fact, I don't even see that on the pages of my atheist/agnostic friends who aren't Mormons. So why the attacks? Why do you spend your life trying to bring down a religion you left and said you wanted nothing to do with?

Lately

2011-06-08T17:40:00.000-06:00

Lately I feel that I have been a blogging failure. I constantly think of things I want to share, but I don't write them, because I want to have time to share my thoughts fully and coherently. Strange, I know - at least in this Twitter-obsessed world. I even understand the reason behind Twitter feeds - it would be nice to be able to write just a brief message to get my thoughts out there. But it's lazy (lazier than going a month between posts?). And I also feel a certain satisfaction when I complete a full blog post, rather than when I change my Facebook status.

Anyway, life has been rather hectic lately. I'm currently rehearsing for Singin' in the Rain at the Scera Shell in Orem. We open on Friday, and as you can imagine, that takes up a lot of my evenings. Especially the past two weeks. I'm there from 6 to 11:15 each night. Add on top of that work - I work from 8-5 every day (and then some - working from my phone til all hours of the night), and my boss' wife just had their first baby. Awesome for them - but that means that we have to cover all his stuff while he's out, which means work is even busier than before, and I have to do more from home/my phone than usual. My poor, sweet wife.

School just got out last week, so Kristen is at home now. She's been keeping busy going walking with her mom in the mornings, reading, prepping for the baby, and cooking/cleaning. She's had dinner ready right when I get home the last two nights. And I imagine it will continue all this week, what with my crazy schedule for the show. Now I'm not one to say it's the woman's job to be in the kitchen - we usually trade off cooking and/or cook dinner together. But it's been so nice to come home to dinner "on the table" (we don't technically have a dining table). My wife is the best ever. :)

Monday night was great - I came home, we ate dinner, then sat on the couch for a little bit. I laid my head down on Kristen's stomach, and kind of tapped on her belly with my finger. Kristen is 26 weeks pregnant, but we found out her placenta is in the front (anterior), so neither she nor I have been able to feel the baby move. So every so often we tell our little girl to "Move! Move! Move!" And then I felt something. I asked Kristen, "What was that?" thinking it could just be her stomach rumbling, as usual. She said, "I don't know." I tapped some more, and got another little bump. We tried a few more times, but that was it, so we weren't sure if it was our baby or not.

Then last night, we felt her kick (or punch - who knows) again. It was one of the most amazing things ever, and I'm so happy we finally got to feel our little angel move. It makes it all the more real...and scary. :)

Guess What??

2011-05-01T14:00:00.000-06:00

Kristen is pregnant! We found out last Saturday morning. Obviously this post will be a bit delayed, because we’re doing the whole wait until you’re past the first trimester thing, to be safe. And she told me that she was going to be the first to tell everyone in the blogosphere, so you also already knew this. But hey, there we are. Kristen’s pregnant. :)

Anyway, I wanted to document this pregnancy, as it’s the first in our little family. I’ll try to keep it interesting/fun to read. Here’s hoping, anyway.

Kristen has always been someone who has food cravings – mostly ice cream and onion rings. So we would always joke that she would have the craziest food cravings when she was pregnant. And even though she’s only 1 month pregnant, the cravings have already started. But they’re not for weird foods - they’re just for food. She told me the other day that she can’t even drive home from work on State Street, because there are so many restaurants on that street. She wants everything.

She’s also hungry ALL the time. We’ve considered banning her from being able to go grocery shopping, because everything looks good. Which leads to the first rule of pregnancy for the husband: never say anything sarcastic about the fact that your wife is hungry all the time.

And of course there are the mood swings – I try not to say anything that could be construed as negative or sarcastic, because even though Kristen knows that it’s the hormones, it doesn’t mean she can control them. She’s very nice about it, though – even if she gets mad at me, she tries not to say anything, because she knows it’s usually something silly. Which leads to the second rule of pregnancy for the husband: don’t admit that you even notice the mood swings (even though you do). For example, if your wife is a little moody because she’s hungry (see pregnancy rule #1), get her something to eat. But when she says something about how she’s glad she ate something, because she was getting cranky, say (not sarcastically) that you didn’t even notice.

Here are a couple vignettes from the last couple months.

Text on January 5 (right before we found out Kristen was pregnant)
“I’m not a mean person am I? I just worry I’m too strict and mean with the kids. I’m worried I’m going to be a nazi mom.”
“I’m craving Taco Bell sooooo much. Yum”

Text from January 13
“P.S. We have no kettle corn. :(“
“I’m already sick of feeling fat and tired all the time. This baby better hurry up and grow.”

I came home one day, and the apartment was extremely hot. I checked thermostat and it said 90 degrees! Where was Kristen? At her art desk, wrapped in a blanket, painting. With the blanket she was “just right.”

She’s also tired ALL THE TIME. One night we were making dinner and she laid down on the couch, and was out for an hour. I finished making dinner and did the dishes (and it’s not like I was quiet about it). She got up when dinner was about ready, and asked if she had been asleep long, and was shocked that everything was already done. Which leads me to pregnancy rule #3: Do nice things for your wife, because you love her…it also helps counter some of the mood swings.

More to come later...

Plagiarism

2011-04-10T16:23:00.006-06:00

On our trip back from Seattle, surrounded by a bus-full of teenagers, I needed a little respite from the noise that accompanies said teenagers. As I was browsing the Facebook news feed, I came across a note written by a friend that looked interesting. It was about a movie I happen to enjoy quite a bit - in fact, it was the movie my wife and I watched at my apartment on our first real date. Naturally I opened up the note and began reading. But as I read the words she said she'd written almost a year ago on her blog, they seemed strangely familiar. No, not just familiar - they seemed like almost the exact same words I used when writing a blog about this same movie nearly two and a half years ago.

I quickly went to her Facebook page and searched for her blog information. Upon navigating to her blog, I opened my own entry in another window, and compared the two. The words were virtually identical. And what was worse - no mention of my name or my blog anywhere. In fact, she changed a couple things to make it seem as if the words came from her.

I'll admit that by this time, I was a little incensed, but I tried to remain calm. I commented on both her Facebook note and her blog post: "{Name], not to be rude, but I don't appreciate seeing something I wrote being presented as someone else's. Please give credit where it is due, because you essentially copied my blog post from Aug. 6, 2008: http://adamloveskristen.blogspot.com/2008/08/little-manhattan.html"

I received a Facebook message fairly quickly:

"I did not read your blog to begin with, and if I were to copy something I would have referred to your blog, seriously. Sorry, if it looks like yours or whatever. I am not even going into it. You can get offended all you can, I did not copy anything from your blog, otherwise I would have quoted you."

I responded:

"You quoted almost exactly from my blog, with a couple added sentences. I cannot believe you'd blatantly lie like this. I don't care if you quote me. Just admit you're quoting me."

Her reply:

"Well, it is up to you either you believe it or not, I would have referred to your blog if I would have taken it from there. But I am sorry, I did not. I am not one of those people that try to steal someone else's words and put them as their own. You should knot [sic] me better than that."

I thought I did know her better than that - I was her zone leader on the mission, for heaven's sake. By this point, I was quite upset, but I resolved to wait until I could get to a computer the next day. I pulled together a document detailing the blatant plagiarism of my blog and emailed it to her, asking her to either acknowledge she got her material from me, or to take it down.

In two more emails, she again denied copying me, although she did take down the blog and the note, in order to "avoid this drama with [me]." But I ask you, my dear readers, to read the document I sent her HERE and tell me if you think that perhaps she wrote the words she adamantly says she did. Is it perhaps a coincidence, and I'm blowing things out of proportion? In the document, the words that were paraphrased are underlined, the words that are identical are in yellow highlight, and the words that are identical down to the formatting (e.g. parentheses and italics) are in blue highlight.

P.S. Not to sound petty, but English is also not this person's first language, and if someone were to read her other posts, I would think the reader would wonder why the grammar and general writing style of this particular blog were so different from other posts. Just a thought.

My first blog ever...what to write?

2011-03-27T17:00:00.012-06:00

Well kiddos, here I am. I have finally made my way into the great blogosphere. I've been meaning to write a blog for quite some time, but I kept putting it off thinking I had nothing to say that people would enjoy reading. After thinking long and hard (and yes, I spent more time thinking about what to write on a blog than I did studying for my last test), I finally narrowed down my options for my first blog to four.

1-Stories from Work

I have a job at an elementary school. I interact with grades K-6, though I work mostly with Kindergarten and first graders. You would not believe some of the stories and quotes and other hilarious things that happen when you are around children all day, every day. But I'll write more about this one later. I decided it wasn't quite awesome enough for my first blog ever.

2-My Weird Health Issues

I'm fond of saying that if I had been born in the old days they would have taken me out with the horse with the broken leg and shot me. Considering I'm only 22 you would think I would be in prime health. But no. I've had severe migraines since I was 7, I have a brain malformation called Chiari, I have jaw-wink, I've had lots of cuts, bruises, and stitches. I've had surgery, a couple MRI's, etc. etc. You get the idea. But I'll also write more about this one later. I decided it was a little too intense/gross for my first blog.

3-My Art

I am an artist. I love to paint and draw and create things. My dad is a very talented artist (he rocks at graphic design), and I think he's relieved that at least one of his children inherited his artistic talent and chose to pursue it. I have been painting/drawing ever since I was a kid. I'm currently working on some goals of getting prints made of my art, getting them in some galleries, and setting up a web site (just tooting my own horn a little bit here - my talent for art is one of the few things I'm really proud of). But once again, I'll write more about this one later. It almost won for being the subject of my first blog, but something else beats it.

4-I'm Pregnant

WWJD?

2011-03-20T23:18:00.001-06:00

I don't think we usually consider what Jesus is like as a person. If He showed up at your house to spend time with you, what do you think He would do? I think He would probably spend time with you doing the things you like to do. Maybe He'd even wash the dishes.

Kristen and I are currently rehearsing a comedic play called WWJD that explores exactly that premise. I highly recommend you all come see it. Performances are March 24, 25, 26, 28 (then skipping General Conference weekend) and April 8, 9, 10 at the Provo Theater Company on 105 E. 100 North in Provo. Tickets are $8 ($6 students – and if you come in a group of 5 or more, tickets are only $5 each). Okay, now that you know the what and where, let me pitch you on why you should come.

WWJD asks the question – what would Jesus do if He showed up at your house one day? Well, first off – he’d do the dishes your roommate has been putting off for forever. Then he’d skateboard with you, go miniature golfing with you, etc. The twist comes in the fact that one roommate (my character), who also happens to be the only religious person in the apartment, can’t see or hear Jesus, and thinks it’s all a big practical joke on him (at least, he does at first).

Seeing things through the eyes of my character, it’s helped me think more about what it means to have faith - is seeing believing? Or is believing seeing? At one point, my character is asked if it really matters that he can’t see Jesus. “Of course it matters! I’ve studied about Him my whole life…and now He’s here, and I can’t even see Him. What’s wrong with me?” Jesus then asks who sinned – you or your parents that caused you to be blind. “I’m not the wicked one, and my parents are just fine.” If you know that, then it’s not important to see.

Like all good plays, this one will make you laugh, it might make you cry, and it will definitely make you think. Please note that our interpretation of Jesus is respectful, but not conventional. For example, He will ride a skateboard, wash dishes, and lead a line dance. If you don’t think you can handle that, I understand. But for everyone else, you should definitely come.

Reading

2011-02-23T17:30:00.001-07:00

My wife LOVES to read. I like to read too, and though I can’t hold a candle to the speed with which Kristen plows through just about any novel, I still enjoy sitting down with a good book. I recently finished the last of the Ender’s Game books. I only recently discovered them, but they are very well written, and I couldn’t put them down.

But the majority of my reading nowadays is online. I read news stories, opinion pieces, Facebook status messages, and blogs. Let me tell you – I LOVE reading blogs. I use Google Reader, and have collected more than 50 blogs in my subscription list (and I keep up on them)! Of course, there are some blogs from people I don’t know (Mel’s Kitchen Cafe, Mormanity, (Gay) Mormon Guy, etc.), but most are from friends. One of them is likely your blog, dear reader. So please update!

I’ve talked about the “mom my blog” and the “travel blog” before, and my feelings are still the same. I don’t enjoy reading the majority of those blogs, unless I have a vested interest in them (i.e. to read about my adorable nieces). So I don’t – no harm, no foul. They still have their readership, I’m sure, even without me. And for a while, I debated cleansing my blog roll of friends’ blogs that I found incredibly boring, and usually never read anyway. It was worse than the conflict I often feel when debating whether to remove a Facebook “friend.” But in the end, my practical male thinking won, and I deleted the boring blogs. Now, I can’t even remember who I removed – don’t worry, I’m sure it wasn’t you…

Anyway, there is another class of blogs that I still read, but only with some difficulty. These are the blogs that are very interesting, but whose grammar and spelling mistakes often make them hard to read. I don’t mean those that occasionally have the word “your” when they should be “you’re” (although that does bug me), or those that miss a comma once in a while. I can usually ignore most grammar mistakes and just enjoy the story.

But when words are consistently misspelled, there are agreement errors up the wazoo, the laws of sentence structure are all but ignored, and the text phrase “LOL” is used as a period, I have a hard time. Reading some of these blogs, I can see how if I was talking with the authors face-to-face, I would believe they were intelligent people. Their arguments are well thought-out and they’re passionate about what they’re saying. But they just don’t seem to understand English grammar, and it affects my enjoyment of their blogs.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about breaking grammar rules…as long as you know them, and it’s only once in a while. And I hope I haven’t made you paranoid about your blog. Heck, I’m just one reader among many. But if you’re interested in some well-written and interesting blogs, try here or here or here.

I've Done Things

2011-02-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

When I think about it, I’ve done some cool things in my life. I’ve been to New York, Paris, and London, lived in another country, and studied abroad (so technically I’ve lived in two other countries). I’ve seen both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. I’ve been to theme parks and ridden roller coasters. I’ve met people from dozens of countries, spoken to people in more than one language, and eaten cuisine from all over the world. I’ve been a waiter, a courier, a clothing salesman, and a paperboy. I’ve driven a forklift and a big box truck, made take and bake pizzas, and stocked food for a buffet. I’ve bought my own car (without a co-signer), purchased a piano (electric – not a baby grand yet), and rented my own apartment. I’ve built a frame and stretched a canvas on it, painted my living room, redid my back patio, and put in a surround sound system. I’ve barbecued on a charcoal grill (trust me, that’s a big one for me), baked a cheesecake, and made roses out of jelly candy. And I earned a college degree, found a salaried, full-time job, and married the love of my life.

Sometimes life may not seem too spectacular. But it is. Life is wonderful, and I’m happy to be living it.

Buchanan Top 10 of 2010

2010-12-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Here is a link to our Christmas Letter for 2010. Hope you enjoy - we had a great year. :) This made some of the pictures a little grainy, so if you want a full copy that looks a little better, let me know, and I'll email it to you.

Love,

Adam and Kristen

Operation Gratitude: Flying Free

2010-11-16T17:00:00.003-07:00

The late Sister Marjorie Hinckley (Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley's wife) once said this about Pres. Hinckley:

"He always let me do my own thing. He never insisted that I do anything his way, or any way, for that matter. From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly. He never tells me what to do. He just lets me go. He has made me feel like a real person. He has encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy. He doesn't try to rule or dominate me."

I am grateful for a wife who does that for me - who gives me space and lets me fly. Who encourages me to do my best, but doesn't insist I do things her way, even if she'd prefer it. Who doesn't force me to get a hair cut because she thinks it's getting too long, and who doesn't mind when I grow a beard (some women mind, you know). :) I'm grateful she would never withhold affection or intimacy from me if I didn't conform to exactly what she wanted, and that she doesn't try to rule or dominate me.

And by the same token, I would never do that to her. I would never tell her to have a certain body type or hairstyle, or to act or be a certain way. I'm grateful that we love and trust each other, and that we encourage each other to be the very best we can be.

Operation Gratitude: Christmas Carol

2010-11-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

Kristen and I are currently rehearsing for A Christmas Carol at the Hale Center Theater Orem, and it's a lot of fun. It's definitely a different experience than I've had at other theaters. Some things are better, some are not as good, but on the whole it's a great experience.

I am Fred, Scrooge's nephew, who is a very happy and jovial character. I love playing him, because I get to laugh and smile a lot, and can laugh at things that are funny (very useful when someone messes up, or tries to make you laugh on purpose). :)

Anyway, I am very grateful for this opportunity - to share the Christmas spirit with everyone who comes to see the show on Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday during the month of December. :) Come see me perform!

Operation Gratitude: Copying Jamie

2010-11-03T07:50:00.000-06:00

My friend's wife started this last year, and I sorta copied her. So I figured I would copy her again this year (down to the post names). Hope you're ok with that Jamie! So stay tuned for future posts this wonderful month of Thanksgiving!

Follow-up to Soup

2010-10-03T21:00:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking more, and I think I may have come off just a little too harsh in my last post. This isn't to say that I disagree with anything I said. I still think there are people who need to be woken up about their lives and the control they have in them. But there are probably also other people who don't find room for the hand of God.

Sometimes, things DO "happen for a reason." We know that sometimes, God prevents certain things from happening to us - He may protect us without us even knowing. But other times, He may deliberately choose to allow something to happen instead of preventing it. And depending on how we choose to act in relation to what happens, those events can put us on a completely different path than the one we were headed down. This of course doesn't take away our agency, though.

My friend Kim added to my thoughts on her blog, and said it much better than I did. I also loved the talks in General Conference this weekend about agency. There were no less than four. You'll be able to read them on lds.org by Thursday.

General Conference - Agency

2010-10-03T14:00:00.000-06:00

In General Conference, none of the speakers is given a topic upon which to speak. They instead seek revelation from God to know what to say. To me, the most interesting thing about General Conference is that there still seems to be a common thread across the several talks, despite having no man-made, pre-planned theme.

By the second talk in the Sunday Morning Session, we'd already heard three talks on listening to and following what the prophets and apostles tell us, and three talks about agency. Since the arguments about Prop 8, I have seen many LDS friends talk (usually on Facebook) about how they support same-sex marriage, and disagree with the Church on what they have taught about it. I don't know if they believe that at some point, the Church will change their position and say that same-sex marriage is now morally okay. But if so, I think this weekend dispelled that belief. President Boyd K. Packer didn't speak about it specifically, but I think it was clear - he said that even if you put morality to a vote, it won't change anything in the eyes of God.

Pres. Packer also spoke extensively on our own agency. The arguments for any kind of wickedness rely heavily on the idea that there is no agency - we are all victims of circumstance, and should not be expected to act against our basic instincts. We were born this way, and we can't help it.

Many think we have limited or no ability to control our own actions, nor should we have to. But isn't that the purpose of our civilization? Of our laws? Trying to show that we're better than the animals? That we CAN choose? That we have agency? That we can actually have humanity?

Those who believe there is no agency have been lied to:

"And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none - and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance." 2 Ne. 28:22

I declare with the prophets that there IS a God. He loves us and wants us to return home to Him. He has blessed us with agency, and we are free to choose whatever path we will.

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." -2 Ne. 2:27

Insanity

2010-09-27T16:41:00.000-06:00

I'm doing it again.

Check out this blog for more info.

Soup

2010-09-22T18:00:00.000-06:00

"Which soup should I buy, Lord?"

"Campbell's, my child."
"Thank you. Lord - should I take State St. or 800 East to the mall?"

"State Street."

"Thank you. Lord - who should I marry?"

"Her name is Vanessa Jones - you will meet her at a single adult activity in March 2012. She'll be wearing a yellow polka-dot dress with white flats."

Do these sound a little silly to anyone? I'm sure we've all heard the story about the person who was so spiritual, he even waited for divine confirmation over which soup he should buy. I've always heard it mentioned as an example of what to avoid, but I once heard it spoken of as an admirable trait.

Really? Do we really expect God to plan out every minute of every day of our lives for us? I'm going to say no. In fact, in almost every situation in daily life, I'd expect the Lord to answer us in this way: "I don't really care." (Well, He'd probably phrase it differently - something like: "It mattereth not unto me.")

The thing is, God gave you a brain - He expects you to use it. When He gives you direction, it isn't going to be over every little thing. For example, in the early days of the Church, the elders were sent out to preach the Gospel, and wanted to know what way they should go, and by what means. The Lord tells them, point blank, that it doesn't really matter to Him, so long as they are righteous and doing His work:

"Let there be a craft made, or bought, as seemeth you good, it mattereth not unto me..." D&C 60:5 ("Which soup should I buy?")

"Wherefore, go ye and preach my gospel, whether to the north or to the south, to the east or to the west, it mattereth not, for ye cannot go amiss." D&C 80:3 ("Which route should I take?")

Does that mean that God has no plans for us, or that He desires to play no part in our lives? Of course not. It just means He doesn't concern Himself with unimportant things. I've also heard people say things like, "But if it's important to you, it's important to God, no matter how small it is." To that I say, not necessarily. That's why God has said many times, "It mattereth not unto me." In other words, "It doesn't bear any real importance on the course of your life, so you decide whatever you want." The choice is up to you - that's why you have free will.

That's not to say we should never seek divine guidance. Prayer is there for a reason. There are some very important decisions that should definitely be prayed about (i.e. careers, choosing a spouse, etc.). But even in those situations, God will probably not tell us exactly what to do. We're here to figure that out for ourselves, and to do that we have to make the hard decisions.

For example, I never asked the Lord who I should marry. Instead, I found a girl who felt right to me. She was a good person, I enjoyed being in her company, I cared about her deeply, we had similar values, and I felt that there was no one else I'd rather be with for the rest of my existence (luckily the feeling was mutual). When we both knew that, we made our decision, then asked the Lord if it was a good one. And you know what? He said yes. You're both good people and you obviously love each other - if you keep it up and work hard, you'll be able to make it last. You have my blessing - don't mess it up. (That's more or less what He said, anyway.)

But I also know people who believe that everything that happens to them is the will of the Lord. If virtually anything happens to them, they think it must have "happened for a reason." Oh - do we also believe in fate, then? Do we believe our lives are predestined, and that God has

planned out every part of our time on this earth? Does nothing we choose really matter, since God will place us on the right path anyway? Is everything that happens to us divine providence?

Now I'm quite confident when I say this...no. I think people assume God intervenes in our lives MUCH more than He actually does. Why didn't I get that job? The Lord must not have wanted me to get it. Why can't we have a baby? The Lord must be preparing us for something else. Why am I still single? Because my wife, who the Lord has hand-picked for me, is still out there, and we won't meet until March 2012.

I've railed about this in other posts (primarily on Facebook), but things don't necessarily "happen for a reason." Usually...life just happens - that's what we're here for, after all. The Lord does not give us trials in the sense that He causes them. What He does do, however, is allow life to happen, which of necessity means having trials. And then He teaches us and helps us to grow through the trials that life throws at us.

This isn't to say that things never "happen for a reason" - of course they do. The Lord wants to guide us, and He will sometimes give us pushes in the right direction. But there's a fine line between a gentle nudge, and believing absolutely everything that happens is God trying to tell us something.

I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of a loving Heavenly Father, and am also extremely grateful that I am able to make my own decisions - that I have the wonderful gift of agency.

-----

As a side note, my wife said to me jokingly that I should pray about the wording of this post, to make sure I said things just right. :)

Jason

2010-09-06T22:45:00.000-06:00

This afternoon I attended a memorial service for my cousin, Jason David Oliver. He died Friday, Aug. 20, at his home in Palo Alto, California.

Jason and I were never incredibly close. Living far away does that to you. But a few months ago, he Facebook-messaged me. We chatted for about an hour, and it was a great conversation. Partway through it, he told me that his girlfriend had just gotten back from Provo. I asked why, since most non-LDS people never have reason to come here. :) He told me her best friend was Mormon, and was attending BYU. He also informed that one of his good friends was also Mormon, and he'd attended church with him in past. Jason said his friend had never pressured him to come to church, or join, but that he (Jason) enjoyed going. He then proceeded to tell me that he couldn't understand why some people would say such negative things about Mormons and our church, and felt they were so intolerant to act like that.

This whole conversation was so out of the blue for me, but I loved it. I loved it because we connected on a deeper level than we ever had before. And today, I listened to people I'd never met tell stories about this man. They spoke about his smile, about how he liked to make people laugh, about his accomplishments.

One man got up to speak. He said he met Jason in college. He was a little older than the traditional college student, and probably felt like he didn't fit in with the rest of the students. But he said that Jason was the kind of person who made you feel welcome. He went up to that man and sat by him, talked with him, made him feel included. Afterwards, I thanked the man for his words. We talked briefly, and then he gave me a hug. I could tell he had a great deal of love for Jason.

But his words really made me think about the kind of person I want to be. I hope that when I die, people will say about me that I was the kind of person who made others feel comfortable and included.

Odyssey

2010-08-29T09:00:00.000-06:00

In a scene from a film adaptation of The Odyssey, Odysseus is at the brink of death in a storm. He yells at Poseidon, who is creating the storm. "What do you want me to learn?!"

Poseidon responds: "That without the gods, man is nothing!"

When Moses was called as a prophet, the Lord showed him all of creation. It must have been such an incredible experience. When the Lord was done, and Moses was left to his own strength, he fell down on the earth and couldn't get up for several hours. When he was finally able to stand, he said this: "Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed."

Sometimes life can be difficult. This is not to say that God causes the difficult things that happens in our lives. But he may allow them so that we will turn to Him. When the difficult times come to us in life, we can be like Moses and remember our strong foundation. When Satan tempted him and called him a son of man, telling him to worship the son of Perdition, he said, "Who art thou? For I am a son of God."

-----

Remember the words of your God; pray unto him continually by day, and give thanks unto his holy name by night. Let your hearts rejoice.

Sacrament Meeting

2010-08-01T16:14:00.000-06:00

For those of you who are not of my faith, let me first explain a few things before I get into the main body of my message.

In our church, every Sunday we partake of what we call the sacrament (what other churches often call "the sacrament of the Lord's Supper"). It may surprise many that we have young men of 12-17 who typically bless and pass the sacrament. But we confer the authority to officiate in this ordinance to all worthy young men of that age. Those who bless the sacrament are 16 and older, and are ordained priests in the church. Those who are 12-13 are ordained deacons, and their primary responsibility is to pass the sacrament. They take this responsibilty seriously, and it is a wonderful sight to see them in their white shirts and ties, reverently administering the sacrament to the members of the church.

But I love watching these young men as they pass the sacrament. Because they take their calling so seriously, and are trying so hard to make sure it is a solemn and reverent experience for everyone there, sometimes it's a little humorous to watch.

Standard Sunday dress for men in our church is formal business attire: suits or slacks with white shirts and ties. When you're 12 and 13 years old, though, some of us are a bit smaller than others. That means that your tie width where it wraps around your neck can be just about the same width as your size 14 shirt collar. This often results in what we call the "deacon tie," where your tie sticks out from underneath your collar. One thing that makes me smile in our ward is a young man who has avoided this issue entirely by wearing bow ties. It's awesome.

I also like to watch the little rituals/customs that work their way into how the young men in each ward do things. I've moved around a lot and been in multiple wards, and everyone does it a little differently. I was in one ward where every young man would carry a sacrament tray in his right hand and place the back of his left hand on the small of his back, and walk throughout the chapel in that way. I can't lie - it looked kinda funny. :)

But my favorite part by far is the lining up at the end. When everyone has received the sacrament, the deacons line up at the back of both sides of the chapel (at least, this is how it is done in our current ward). When they are ready, the priests at the front of the chapel stand up, signaling to the deacons to come forward. Before this happens, though, there is always a lot of shuffling around, with one deacon (probably the bossy, know-it-all one like I was) pointing and whispering to the people in the wrong positions to go where they're supposed to be. That never ceases to bring a smile to my face. Mostly because it's not very important what order they're in. But to the young men, it is.

But despite the humor that abounds, the young men do a spectacular job of blessing and passing the sacrament.

Infomercials

2010-07-31T17:07:00.000-06:00

Although an avid blog reader, I realize I haven't been the best at writing my own posts in a while. I figure now is as good a time as any to redeem myself. So here goes...

Who else loves those little wonders we call infomercials? Cuz I sure do. In fact, I'm a sucker for the section in Bed Bath & Beyond that is devoted to "As Seen on TV" items. Even though all of the tricks they use on these "paid advertising" spots are fairly obvious, I think I'm still very susceptible to their ploys.

Let's see if we can't break down how they make these snippets of television gold. First of all, you always have a host, who is very smiley, well-dressed, and attractive, who introduces the "expert" on the product (either the spokesperson or the actual creator of the product). The host is almost always a woman for some reason.

Next, a problem is presented by the expert. I will illustrate with examples from the most recent infomercial I watched: the new, improved G2 Swivel Sweeper Vac (10 million of the original have already been sold - get yours now!). In this case, the problem is that

traditional vacuum cleaners are just too difficult to deal with: they're too big, too heavy, can only go backwards and forwards (because they're limited by wheels), have long, unruly cords, etc., etc.

Then the new product is introduced. For our example, the new G2 Swivel Sweeper has its new "patented quad brush technology." It can pick up what your vacuum can't, it can get into spaces where other vacuums can't, can swivel 360 degrees, it only weighs 2 pounds, it has no cords, etc., etc.

Next we cut to a montage of the product doing its thing with an incredibly perky person explaining how amazing it is, as well as showing us how to buy it. Then we cut back to the host and spokesperson, who also demonstrate the product, showing how simple and easy it is to use (and yes, they often use both "simple" and "easy" in one sentence). More montages, more demonstrations, more montages, more demonstrations, til the half-hour commercial is over.

And there are almost always some built-in phrases, like "But wait, that's not all..." or "Are you tired of..." or "If you call in the next 10 minutes, we'll throw in..." I know they're so predictable, but I love them! I love learning about these new and exciting products. Personally, I want to invent the next Snuggie and make a million dollars.

Mitch Hedburg said that they always sell these products for four easy payments of $19.99. "I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments, and one complicated payment! We ain't gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be hard!"

But here is a list of our (Kristen and my) favorite infomercials/products. We actually own some of them:

Magic Bullet (my favorite infomercial of all time - and I love our Magic Bullet)

Mighty Mend-it - doesn't work as good as it says it does, but it's not bad

Iron Gym (pull-up bar) - I used this almost every day when I was doing P90X

Windshield Wonder - This works great on our car windshield

Shark Steam Mop - I want this

ShamWow! - whether it works or not, that infomercial is sure entertaining

Ahh Bra - Kristen's new favorite to watch

Snuggie - when these first came out, the best part was the kids at the sports game trying to hi-five, and their blankets got in the way

Swivel Sweeper (vac) - it's awesome in the dramatizations where they keep running the vacuum into the table because it can't get under as well as the Swivel Sweeper

What are YOUR favorite infomercials/products?

UPDATE - Hole in the Wall

2010-07-01T17:26:00.001-06:00

Who puts a pipe behind a living room wall?

When we moved to our little apartment in Orem in November, we started trying to make the place into a home. That meant arranging all of our furniture, putting up photos and paintings, and of course, setting up the surround sound. Little did I realize that when I drilled into the wall to put in an anchor for the speaker, I would drill into a pipe!

But this wasn't a regular pipe, so it didn't burst and start spraying water everywhere. No, this was a drainage pipe for the upstairs neighbor's kitchen sink. So it...um, trickled. We put up the speakers in November. Around May, we started noticing that the carpet in the corner of the house was wet. We called our landlady about it, but it took her a couple weeks before she came over and looked at it. Then she called in a handyman, who also took a week or two to get over here. Today he cracked open the wall to reveal, duh duh duh! A pipe with a hole in it. Fantastic.

Now our landlady will probably want to get us to pay for the damage and repairs. I sure hope not, though, because, honestly, who puts a pipe behind a living room wall?

**UPDATE**

Our landlady is making us take care of (and pay for) the repairs. Luckily, my good friend Gavin is helping us with it. Hallelujah! The most ridiculous thing, after living in this house, was what she asked me when I said I had someone coming to do the repairs: "Is he a professional?" He is, but I should have said, "Why? Almost nothing else in this apartment was done by a professional."

The heat for the apartment is provided by a gas fireplace that was added after the fact. They didn't even cut out the carpet - just put it on top (oh, and there are two ugly holes on either side of it that don't belong). The wire for the control is just dangling along the wall, and all along the edge of the carpet. There is a hole cut in the master bedroom wall with a fan set in place, and a cord hanging down to plug into the outlet below, because the heat from the fireplace won't go throughout the house without it, or something like that.

Every patch job that has been done in this place (aside from the one Gavin is doing) is clearly visible, and was done very poorly. The grout lines in the bathtub seems to have been painted, or something, and I think there was mold at some point, but they painted over it / caulked over it, so there were black spots coming through. I scraped out the old caulk and redid it myself, and did the best I could with the rest of the grout - it really needs to be completely redone. There is also a hole in the kitchen ceiling where the upstairs neighbors' washer leaked and came through. They have a piece of plywood over it, with a 2x4 holding that up. Is the guy I have coming to help a professional? Yeah - he's better than anyone else you've ever hired.

Anyway, here's a picture of where we are right now:

Ah, United

2010-05-18T11:55:00.000-06:00

I come to you today from Gate 7 in the Sioux Falls, South Dakota airport. With a population of 150,000 people (for comparison, Provo/Orem has about 200,000 residents), Sioux Falls is not a huge city. The airport is likewise of diminutive stature. Knowing this, this morning I woke up at 5:45 a.m., showered, grabbed my things, and headed to the airport for my 6:57 a.m. flight. I was a little concerned about cutting it close, but I had no checked bags, so I wasn't worried.

When I got up to the ticket counter, the ticket agents asked if I was flying to Denver. I said yes (as I tried to use the self-service check-in machine). They then informed me that I couldn't check in, because I didn't do it at least 30 minutes before the flight. I got there at 6:30 a.m. I said, are you serious? I can make it to the gate. They said the reason for this is that at 30 minutes before the flight, the gate agent can give away your seat to standby ticket holders. Okay, but then she informs me that this WASN'T THE CASE THIS TIME! And then says I STILL COULDN'T CHECK IN FOR THE FLIGHT!!!

She then made me pay a $75 fee to change my flight to 1:30 p.m. So now, instead of arriving in Salt Lake City at 10 a.m., I will get home at 6 p.m. I walked (slowly) through security (I was the only one there), then to gate 7 (they only have eight gates), and then watched as my plane (that I wasn't on) sat at the gate for a good 25 minutes (it was late leaving).

Thanks United for being so courteous to your customers. Normally I would say the moral of this story is to leave a little earlier for your flight (which is still true). But in this situation, I'd say the moral of the story is NEVER FLY UNITED.

Do you find it hard to do your duty?

2010-05-16T10:01:00.001-06:00

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Several people from work have been out of the office, leaving the rest of us to take care of their work. I also have a new client who is a bit more demanding than...well, any other client I've ever had (especially for the amount of revenue they bring in).

But basically, I've been exhausted for the last two weeks. I haven't gotten a lot of sleep, I haven't exercised at all, I sometimes don't have time to eat lunch - it's just been rough. Even at home, I constantly check my phone for any emergencies that could have cropped up in the last fifteen minutes. That makes me feel bad for my wife, whose husband seems to always be on call.

So, after feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, I spoke with my dad on the phone the other day for a while. He helped me to see things that I hadn't seen before, and helped me feel a lot better. One of the things he told me was a quote from Gladiator.

Maximus: "Cicero."

Cicero: "Sir?"

Maximus: "Do you find it hard to do your duty?"

Cicero: "Sometimes I do what I want to do. The rest of the time, I do what I have to do."

Those are my feelings on the current situation. I can't control how someone treats me - I can only control my reaction. Sometimes I will get to do what I want to do, but I have a family to provide for, so for the most part, I will do my duty. I will do what I have to do to provide support for me and my family. I will persevere.

Elder Zach

2010-05-15T11:58:00.000-06:00

I'm very proud of my "little" brother. Right now he is serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Charlotte, North Carolina. I call him my "little" brother because he's actually bigger than me. I remember the days when I was the tallest member of my family. Those were good times. All two of them. I've gotten used to the fact that the only sibling I'll be taller than is my sister, but I remember when Zachary passed me up. It was a little disheartening. Then Jacob passed me too. It's only a matter of time before Lucas shoots past all of us. Oh well - that's life.

It's so funny to see the physical differences of Zach then and Zach now. We dubbed him "Stick Boy" when he was younger, because of how skinny he was. Now he could take any of us in a fight (except me, because I have the older brother psychological advantage...and because I've been working out).

Zach is a about seven years younger than me, so when he was younger, he was the pesky little brother. You know, the one who followed you around, wanted to be just like you, got into your toys, etc. The one who, although you didn't know it at the time, could be your best friend if you'd let him. I still have regrets for not being as kind to him as I wish I was, because I love him so much. As I've gotten older, I've realized how similar our personalities and senses of humor are. I think in all my family, aside from my Dad, he and I are the most alike.

When he was at BYU for his freshman year, we would hang out just about every week. We would usually do some kind of activity (movies or racquetball), then go get dinner. I let him pay once, cuz he wanted to. :) Towards the end of the school year, we didn't do it every week, because of all the wedding plans and whatnot, so I'm excited for him to be back, so we can resume the fun times.

I'm not the best letter writer. For the first few weeks I wrote every week, but I've slacked off a bit. I hope he knows that doesn't mean I've forgotten about him, or that I don't miss him. Because I think about him a lot and miss him a ton. Come home soon Elder!

Living With Women...

2010-04-12T20:30:00.000-06:00

After nearly a year of wedded bliss, I think I know a thing or two about living with a woman. :) It's a lot different than living with guys, that's for sure. For one, it's more crowded. I don't think it's just my wife - I think all women just have a ton of stuff. I don't know where they get it, or why they keep so much of it around, but they do. Especially clothes. Girls tend to still have clothes they wore in middle school and they usually still wear them now. There's no way I could fit into anything from middle school. I was 4'9" and probably weighed about 85 pounds.

On occasion while my wife is getting ready in the bathroom, I'll wander into the bedroom and see about 50 outfits on the bed, or in a pile on the floor (50 may be a slight exaggeration). This was strange and confusing to me, until my wife explained it (then it was just strange). Apparently, even though they own the clothes and have worn them dozens of times before, they can't decide what to wear just by looking at the clothes hanging up in the closet. They have to take them out and see how they look with other clothing combinations. Then, after she decides it looks good and gets dressed, she could change her mind while getting ready looking in the mirror, and have to start all over again. Hence all the clothes on the bed.

Speaking of getting ready in the bathroom, girls multiply the amount of stuff you have in the bathroom by a factor of about 10 (or so). Luckily (for me), we have a small bathroom that doesn't really have a counter, so she can't leave her blow dryer, hair straightener, hair curler (yes, sometimes she uses both the straightener and curler on the same day), hair spray, spray gel, makeup, etc. on it. But when we did have a counter, she would leave it out (although to be fair, she's pretty good about putting stuff away). Oh yeah, and then there's hair everywhere, and the floor is usually a little sticky from hair spray. Sometimes Kristen jokes that she's going bald with all the hair she seems to lose.

Living with a woman is definitely an adventure, but it's also awesome. There's no cleaning off the toilet seat because someone missed and didn't wipe it off. There are no beard hairs all around the sink (except when I'm the one who doesn't clean up). The house doesn't stink because someone has been playing WoW for 3 days straight without showering, and won't open a window. And then there's the best part of all - she's my wife!

Reflections on Utah

2010-04-11T23:00:00.000-06:00

I've lived in Utah more or less since August 2004. I had a couple partial summers away, but that's close to six years, which is really longer than I've lived anywhere else in my life. I miss the beauty of the Pacific Northwest, but Utah is beautiful in its own way too. The mountains are gorgeous (especially in the winter), and I love being able to look out over the valley from our front porch. Last night, Kristen and I went on a walk around our neighborhood, and it truly is beautiful up here.

Utah definitely has its quirks. First of all, there's all the stinkin' Mormons! :) But honestly, it's a different experience to be able to discuss church things at work, with neighbors, landlords, etc. To not be able to go into a restaurant after 8 p.m. on the Saturday evening after General Conference, because there are millions of guys in shirts and ties everywhere.

And the weather is ridiculous. It snowed this week. And yet, yesterday evening it was sunny and warm, and we went for a walk in short sleeves, without jackets. Crazy "spring" weather.

My aunt mentioned in her blog recently that their church was "only 9 miles away." And in Oregon, my parents drive about 15 minutes to get to church. When we moved to Orem, we complained a little that church was "so far away." It's only one mile from our house, but that's far if you consider we walked one and a half minutes to church in Springville (literally right around the corner).

In Utah (or at least in Utah Valley), it's a strange site to see someone smoking in public, or to have someone put alcohol or coffee up on the grocery store conveyor belt behind you. It's just that you don't see those things very often (at least I don't). I've been acclimated so much to the way the majority of people act here, that it can be weird when you see things out of the ordinary.

I'm glad that I still live on a street with a name. Most everywhere, the streets are just numbers (i.e. 600 S. 200 W.), which is great for giving directions. But I've almost always lived somewhere with a street that has a name: Mountain Oaks Dr., Swenson Ave., University Ave., Chenin Blanc Dr., Heartwood Dr., Noble Ct., etc. For me, it makes where you live more like it's home. I don't know why - it's a psychological thing. Ironically, my parents now live on SE 199th Dr.

All in all, Utah's not bad. It's grown on me. :)

Date Night

2010-03-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

In Elder's Quorum the other week, we had a lesson that talked about strengthening the bond between fathers and children. A great topic, to be sure. The teacher asked the question, "How do you as fathers strengthen that bond with your children, or how have you observed your own father do that?"

One of the most common remarks was something along these lines. "I have an individual 'date night' with each of my children on a regular basis, where we spend time together, go out to eat, etc." At work, my boss mentioned that his wife does this with each of their boys too. I think that's a great idea. Spending some one-on-one time with each of your kids in a structured, scheduled way like this can be a great way to show them how much they mean to you. It's that "quality time" we always hear so much about. It's like how you make sure to take time out for a date night with your wife at least once a week - some time to remind her that she's your number one priority. My parents never really did this with me, but to be honest, I don't feel bad about that. I don't feel like I missed out on something that "could've been."

I did spend time with my parents. My dad always has a project he's working on. If it's not remodeling something in the house, it's working in the yard. Saturday mornings, he'd regularly say, "Wanna come with me?" on his way to run an errand to the store (usually the hardware store - I think it was through this that I developed a love of hardware stores). Often, we'd stop by the gas station for a soda and a candy bar on our way back.

And he'd talk to me. I wasn't much of a talker then, but he'd talk to me. He'd tell me stories about his childhood, about his life, about what was going on with work. And I loved listening to his stories. I'm sure sometimes he probably wondered if any of it was getting through, because I don't think I responded much. But it did - it always did. I just wish I'd taken the opportunity to take those drives with him more often.

I knew he cared about me and what was going on with me, because he spent time with me. He wasn't so tired at the end of the day that he didn't want to spend time with his family. Sometimes it was quality time, but sometimes it was just "quantity time." I think it's so important to just be there for your family.

Often I hear so much about how important it is to really work hard to get ahead in your career. And I would never criticize someone else for their choices, but my career is not so important to me that I want to sacrifice family time in order to get ahead. Don't get me wrong - I believe in hard work, and think it's important to give 100% when you're on the job. I learned that from my dad. But I don't think you have to regularly put in 80-hour weeks to give it your all. And if that means that my family is never going to have the big house and lots of fun toys, and I have to continue to work and save all my life, I'm okay with that.

But you know what? I think you can work hard and get ahead, and still not sacrifice that coveted time with your family to do it. It requires good organization, careful planning and hard work, but it can happen. I'm grateful for parents who worked hard, but still managed to find time to spend with me, and that's what I'm aiming for too.

Christmas Letter

2010-01-31T11:30:00.000-07:00

I know it's late, but I finally found a way to share our Christmas letter on the blog-o-sphere, for those of you who didn't get it via e-mail. Happy reading!

One Year Ago Today

2010-01-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

One year ago today...

...I was nervous all day.
...I went to BYU to have a nice chat with the father of my girlfriend, Kristen Southerland.
...I had a sore throat.
...I drove to various locations in Provo/Orem and dropped off little items.
...I went to the Old Spaghetti Factory on a double date, then we (the guys) "ditched" our dates at the end of the meal.
...I knelt down in the snow at a playground, and asked my best friend to marry me.

...I was the happiest I'd ever been.

My beautiful bride: Kristen Marie Southerland Buchanan

Red Box

2010-01-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Kristen and I enjoy using the Red Box. We've typically had success in finding movies we enjoy. But every so often, we'll see a movie on there with actors we know, but that we've never heard of. We read the description, and think, "That sounds interesting. Let's get it." This, my friends, is what we call a mistake. Do NOT do this.

Horrible movies we've sat through, that you should never EVER rent:

Battle for Terra - This was an 84-minute, animated waste of time. This seemed to be a Ferngully meets Dances With Wolves meets Avatar, but without any of the clever dialogue or interesting plot lines. The animation also left something to be desired.

Year One - The trailer looked funny, but trust me - all the funny parts were in that two-minute montage. This is a raunchy, distasteful, completely unfunny movie, and I still don't know why we didn't turn it off after the first 10 minutes or so.

Babylon A.D. - The plot was so convoluted, with so many loose ends, that I still don't know what happened. Hadn't heard of it, but it was a cool-looking action movie with Vin Diesel. Don't let those kinds of things distract you from the fact that you've NEVER HEARD OF IT (most likely for good reason).

Passengers - This movie wanted to be The Sixth Sense, but failed miserably. We got it because it had Anne Hathaway in it - she's usually pretty decent. And to be fair, this was the least horrible of the movies, but it still wasn't that good.

But we haven't failed miserably. We've also done the smart thing, and rented movies we wanted to see again (that we saw in the theater), or movies that either one or both of us missed when they were in the theater.

17 Again - I really liked this movie. It's not winning any Oscars, but it was an enjoyable film to watch.

G.I. Joe - I grew up on this show, and the movie didn't disappoint. It was great in the theater, it was great on the T.V.

The Proposal - Not an amazing movie, but still quite enjoyable. Sandra Bullock is always funny, and is in really good shape for a 45-year-old. No, I take that back - she's in really good shape for a 25-year-old.

Star Trek - Awesome. Just, awesome. Saw it in theaters, had to watch it again. Come to think of it, did I see it in the dollar theater too? I'm waiting for a sale at Best Buy to get it on Blu-ray.

Julie & Julia - This was a fondue movie. That is, you don't have to pay incredibly close attention to it in order to follow what's going on. We made fondue while watching this one, and had quite a good time doing it.

Seminary

2010-01-11T18:30:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article about the Canyons School District in Utah, which is considering offering more advanced high school diplomas. The idea behind this is that they are behind in preparing students for college and the real world. The issue they're facing in the LDS community is that requiring extra credits for these new diplomas could cut into the time allowed for released-time seminary, which has some people worried.

Personally, I don't see what the problem is - I applaud the steps the school district is taking to increase the education level in Utah. Utah schools are among the lowest in the country for required core course load (18 core credits; Arizona requires 22, New Mexico 24, and Texas 26). The new advanced diploma would require 22 credits, allowing for only one elective. I took four years of early-morning seminary and a full load of classes in high school. My freshman year, Spanish counted as an elective, and so did band. Because I was taking an extra elective, I had to take the after-school P.E. class. This was in addition to early-morning seminary.

Would it hurt Utah LDS students to sacrifice a little more to attend seminary, rather than taking time off from their high school studies to go? Maybe more of the kids who attended would have a positive experience, and I know that fewer would take it for granted.

What are your thoughts? I know many of you attended released-time seminary. Do you think you would have benefited more (or less) from early-morning seminary? I want to hear your opinions.

Giving Thanks

2009-12-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

Throughout the month of November, my co-worker's wife posted a series of posts titled "Operation: Gratitude," in which she detailed her gratitude for many of her blessings. I was inspired by what she wrote, so I wanted to write a brief post of my own.

I am grateful for where I am in life - I am so richly blessed. Two years ago, I had no job, was completely broke, and as a college graduate, ended up working as a waiter in a restaurant. There's nothing wrong with serving - it's hard, honest work - but it wasn't where I wanted to be in my life. Now I have a good career job that provides for me and my wife. We just moved into a nice new apartment on the first floor of a house at the base of the North Orem foothills, and are making it into a home. We are able to put some money in savings and live comfortably within our means.

I have a beautiful wife and am happily married. That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of disagreements and tears. We of course don't publicize them, but marriage is hard work. You don't really believe that before you're married. You don't truly understand what people mean when they say the first year is the hardest. But I'm grateful for our trials. They've made us stronger as a couple. And we're getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas as a married couple. How wonderful is that? :)

For the most part, we're healthy. We wish Kristen would get fewer migraines, and that we were both skinnier, but other than that, we're good. :) We've begun to learn how to take the things that life throws at us and either dodge them, or catch them and throw them back. Life is about overcoming struggles, and I love every moment I'm alive. Even those times that are hard, or that hurt. I am grateful for everything that's made me who I am, so that I could be with the love of my life: my Kristen.

And I wouldn't change a thing.
I'd walk right back through the rain.
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking.
And I'd relive all the years,
And be grateful for the tears
I cried with every stumble, step
That led to you, and got me here.

A Different Life

2009-11-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Right now, my wife and are having a Lord of the Rings (extended edition) marathon together. Just the two of us. And it's made me reflect once again that I really did choose the right girl. :) Our personalities are so perfectly matched, it's wonderful. We like a lot of the same things, but have just enough differences to make things interesting. I mean, how many guys can say their wives enjoy having a Lord of the Rings or Star Wars marathon with them? And I doubt there are very many people who have ever seen a wedding cake topper with HomestarRunner and Marzipan on top. Kristen made one for our cake.

But I was looking at some old pictures on Facebook, and wondering what my life would have been like if I'd made different decisions. About three years ago, a lot of new things began happening in my life. The two biggest things I did: I got into acting, and started dating again (after being in a committed relationship for about a year).

In the next two years, I was in 14 different theater shows - I made so many friends and gained so many great experiences. I also started dating a girl, and although we dated off and on for the next two years, my preoccupation with her made it impossible to really want to date anyone else during the "off" times. That's not to say there weren't opportunities. That there weren't other beautiful girls I met in whom I was interested. As I said, I was in many theater productions throughout that time, and drama people are well-known for being big flirts. :) But I just couldn't move on.

During those two years, I also graduated and got a job here in Utah. I now wonder whether if I hadn't still been preoccupied with that same girl, would I have even looked for a job here? After all, I never wanted or planned to remain in Utah after graduation. To be honest, I'd still rather be outside it and living somewhere green.

Anyway, eventually that relationship ended for good, and despite my belief that I'd never love again, I found the girl I never thought existed. The girl who makes me happier than I ever could have known. Guess where she's from: Utah. And how did we meet? Because her best friend/roommate and I were in a play together. :)

So what if I hadn't decided to keep performing (or never even started in the first place)? What if I had decided the on again-off again relationship was a dead-end earlier than I did, and moved out of state? Would I have found my Kristen? I hope so. But luckily, I don't have to find out. She's mine forever.

New Moon

2009-11-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

I read the books, it's true. I even enjoyed them. You can even read some of my previous blogs for my feelings on that. However, I thought the first movie was one of the worst films I've ever seen (and I've seen some lame movies). The ONLY reason this movie did well at the box office is because of the Twilight book readers. If this had been a stand-alone movie, it would have tanked.

Now, my major issue with this movie was the casting. First of all, the vampires are supposed to be incredibly attractive to their prey, right? Remember when all the Twilighters freaked out when Robert Pattinson was cast? They didn't think he was attractive enough to be Edward (which is true - and what's with that hair??). But then when the movie came out, they somehow all reversed their positions? And Nikki Clark (Rosalie) is very pretty, but she's supposed to be playing an incredibly beautiful, blonde vampire. She should be the most beautiful person in the film. But she's a brunette, and the blonde hair doesn't work for her. They should have cast someone with an already pale complexion and light-colored hair. And don't get me started on how Jasper always looks like he's constipated. (I did like Alice, Emmett, and Carlisle, though.)

But worse than those casting decisions, let's talk about Edward and Bella. The two main characters - the ones to whom we should feel the closest connection - suck. Pattinson is an okay actor - for example, I'm sure he could find success on the Disney Channel...maybe. But Kristen Stewart? She's quite possibly the worst actress I've ever seen. Seriously. She has no facial expression, she's not interesting to watch, she's not very attractive, and she can't deliver a line. She's just plain obnoxious, and being forced to watch her makes me want to have Laurent or Victoria eat her.

Well, with the next installation of the Twilight series coming out, critics are giving their reviews. A few of my favorites from Rotten Tomatoes (28% so far - I can't say I'm surprised) are below:

"If you fixate on funny things like plot and character -- in movies, anyway -- too bad." -Leslie Gornstein, E! Online

"Extreme moping by hollow actors makes the film feel like it stars robots stuck on their 'Emo' setting." -Matt Pais, Metromix.com

"Never has a man's shirtlessness been so essential to a character's development." -Jordan Hoffman, UGO

"The irony in this movie about vampires is that the only thing doing any sucking is the movie itself." Walter Chaw, Film Freak Channel

"The most surprising thing about New Moon, the second film in the Twilight series, is how much worse it is than the first." -Devin Faraci, CHUD

"Never have vampires and werewolves had so much estrogen." -Fiore Mastracci, Outtakes with Fiore

"I can't comment on the acting because I didn't catch Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner doing any. They basically primp and pose through the same humdrum motions they did before." -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

The Holidays

2009-10-27T17:17:00.000-06:00

When you get married, stuff starts to get expensive. You have increased grocery costs, housing costs, insurance costs, utilities costs, etc. For those of us who have been done with school for a while but our spouse isn't, we're now paying tuition again. And then when baby comes (sometime in the distant future), you have a whole new set of costs.

Then come the holidays - that wonderful time of year when it starts to get colder, the snow begins to fall, and we get to spend time with loved ones. But there must be opposition in all things - the holidays are expensive.

Now let me start off by saying that I am not a Scrooge. I love everything about Christmas, including giving and receiving gifts. But let's face it, Christmas is expensive. One of my favorite books is "Skipping Christmas" by John Grisham (I also like the movie adaptation, "Christmas With the Kranks"). The basic premise is that a husband and wife send their daughter off to work in the Peace Corps for a year, right after Thanksgiving, which means she'll miss Christmas at home. As the mother cries while going about her daily routine, the dad starts to crunch numbers. He then convinces his wife that if they were to skip all the Christmas stuff (the cards, the Christmas Eve party, the food, the tree, the decorations, the presents, etc.), they could go on a week-long cruise and actually SAVE money.

I mean, add up your own costs for the holidays. If you're traveling, you have the cost of air travel (or car/gas costs), as well as the opportunity cost of taking time off from work. You have to pay for decorations, food, Christmas cards, etc. And, of course, presents.

Although not required to be a good friend or relative, we generally expect at this time of year that we will show our love through the giving of gifts. It is a Christmas tradition. There's nothing inherently bad or wrong with it.

But...it's just so darn expensive! You can find good deals, but generally most people would say a nice gift costs around $15-20 (often more). Add that up for each member of your family, your spouse's family, close friends...it's pricey. So what do you do in this situation (especially in this economy)? Making gifts is very nice and can be a great alternative to a store-bought gift, but it takes up a lot of time. Most people hardly have enough time to even shop for gifts, let alone spend the time making something.

I have a couple ideas. The first is the idea of drawing names - many families do this. You can still show your love to your family in ways other than physical gifts, and this ensures that everyone still gets to participate in the Christmas gift-giving tradition. One side of my extended family regularly participates in a gift game. Everyone brings a wrapped gift, and everyone gets to open a present or steal an already unwrapped present, until all the presents are opened. In this case, the idea is not about giving/getting presents as much as having fun and spending time together as family. Or, as your family grows bigger, and you and your siblings begin having children of your own, you could do a "family gift" for each of the little families.

I think these are all good ideas to save money. I'm not going to try and say that I think we should do this because Christmas is too materialistic (although it is). I'll be honest - this is about saving money. :) However, I do think that gifts are far less important than spending time with family and experiencing joy in the Christmas season.

Let me tell you about the best idea of all, though. And this is something I am going to start as a tradition with my family. I had a professor in college share a story with us about a man who coached a hockey team. The hockey team wasn't very good - but to add to that, they didn't really look like a hockey team either - they didn't have uniforms or pads. That Christmastime, the coach went out and bought the team nice uniforms and all the gear they'd need. The team didn't get much better, but they felt better. :) What he then did was write down what he did, and put it in a white envelope and placed it on the tree, as a gift for his family. He said that it was a gift he gave in the name of his family.

My family has done similar things in the past - giving gifts anonymously to those in need, and I'm definitely going to make that a part of my family's Christmas traditions. And aside from whatever you decide to do within your own family, remember to save some money to give to those in need.

So despite the cost, I guess the reason for giving gifts truly does fit with the spirit of Christmas. It's about giving love and service, for that is what Christ did.

Being Single...?

2009-09-26T11:45:00.000-06:00

I heard a really good talk about being single from John Bytheway a while back (when I was oh-so-single). He used an interesting analogy. He said it's like you're sitting down at a piano, and on the piano is sheet music for a song called "Marriage: A Duet." Periodically, people walk by while you're sitting at the piano.

Someone walks by and says, "Why don't you play that song?"

"I'd like to. But someone has to come and sit down here and play it with me."

"Well, you're just not trying hard enough." And she walks away.

Then someone else walks by and asks, "How come you don't you play that song?"

"I'd like to. I'd love to play this song - I'm sure the music's beautiful. But someone else by their own agency has to to be willing to sit here and play it with me."

"Well, you could play it if you had more faith." And he walks off.

Yet again, another person walks by and says, "Why don't you play that song?"

"I'd LIKE to. I love the music. I'm sure it's a beautiful song. But someone with their own agency that God will not violate has to choose to sit here next to me and play it with me."

"Oh, you're just being too picky." And he walks away. Anyway, his point was that marriage isn't something that can be forced. But I'd like to talk about what he said next.

He said not to get discouraged about these people who keep asking you about being single, because these individuals with an underdeveloped sense of appropriateness never go away. These are the same people who, once you get married, ask, "So when are you going to have kids?" And then once you have kids, ask, "So when are you going to have more?" And then, "So when are you going to go on a mission?" They NEVER go away. So keep smiling and don't get discouraged.

I am of the (rather strong) opinion that a couples' decision to have children, and when they decide to have them, is their own business. It is between them and the Lord, and no one else. Not their bishop, not their parents, not their friends, and certainly no one in their ward who barely knows them. I had a friend who, when pressured by her father to have children, would say, "We're trying all the time, Dad!" That would usually shut him up.

But I have other friends who really have tried and/or are trying to have kids, but just are unable. Friends going through fertility treatment, or who are looking at adoption as an option, even those who have had a miscarriage that few others know about. What do you think it does to those people when you say (even in jest), "Sheesh - so when are you gonna have kids already?"

But even for those people who, by choice, are not currently trying to have children, is that any of your business? Now, I'm not trying to say anything about me or my wife with this post. We've only been married 5 months, and haven't received a ton of comments about our childless state. And as a disclaimer, there are plenty of polite and tactful ways to ask about a couples' plans for having children, which leave the couple the option of not answering if they don't want to (i.e. "Have you guys thought about kids yet?"). But if you want to avoid any awkward moments, I'd recommend not even trying. They'll talk about it when they're good and ready.

And my favorite response to a single person asking about our plans for children? "When are you gonna get married?"

Let Me Live in Such a Way

2009-09-03T23:12:00.000-06:00

I gave my wife a blessing tonight. She gets bad migraines from time to time. I tell her she's fragile, and I need to be careful with her sometimes. But she was sick tonight, so I made dinner, did the dishes, and watched a whole disc of Gilmore Girls by myself (I know, it's like an addiction now). And at the end of the last episode, from the bedroom I heard her say something. I paused the show and asked her what she said.

"Can you give me a blessing?"

"...Yeah"

I stopped everything and dropped to my knees, as the question crossed my mind, "Am I worthy?" Thoughts flooded my mind as I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to tell me what to say, to help me know His will, to be worthy to do this. And as I sit here, trying to remember what I said in that blessing, I think He answered my heartfelt prayer.

But as my wife lays in bed, I am left alone with my thoughts - am I living so that I can always be ready whenever He calls on me to serve His children? Please, let me live my life in such a way.

Twittering, er, Tweeting...whatever

2009-07-20T12:02:00.000-06:00

I love to write - I really do. I love writing in my blog, but I have been horrible at it of late. I keep coming up with all these ideas of what I want to write about, but I don't write them when I'm thinking about them, so the ideas go away. Thus, I am going to post a jumble of little things I'm thinking about, each getting their own Twitter-length (or thereabouts) blog. Welp, here goes...

I have a friend or two who constantly engage in self-sabotage. They complain about the rough times they're going through, but continually go back and do the things that make them feel good at the time, but end up hurting them in the long run. They're unwilling or unable to stop the self-destructive behavior that causes their rough times. Even if they see the problems their behavior is causing, they can't seem to give it up.

I've recently developed a penchant for watching Gilmore Girls (go ahead and make fun of me - I deserve it - it's my wife's fault, though). For those of you who watch it, you know that it's a pretty dang funny show. But it's very angsty - lots of teen drama. Last night Kristen and I watched a particularly dramatic episode, and I am just so grateful that I am not involved in that anymore. I'm so happy I am married to my sweetheart, and that we don't have to deal with that highschool-ness anymore. My favorite quote from the show: "Oi with the poodles already."

Being a grownup is hard. Dealing with money, insurance, bills, thinking about buying a house, planning for the future, having to exercise if I want to keep my girlish figure, etc. I have been focused a lot lately on being self-reliant and about providing for my current and future family. We've had a lot of lessons in Church the last few weeks about food storage, fast offerings, being self sufficient, etc., and it's really brought those things to the forefront of my mind. Our last Family Home Evening was about goals we want to set in regard to that aspect, and we even made 72-hour kits. It's just weird, because I'm an adult now - a real live, married, working-out-in-the-world adult.

I want to go camping - I wish that I had more time off from work to do fun things. That's the difficulty of being salaried. You get a steady paycheck every month (twice a month, really), but then you have to work every day, and only get limited time off. More of that being an adult thing, I guess.

I was looking at past grades, for some reason (I mean, I've been out of school for more than a year and a half now). But that one grade still irks me. It was based off an evaluation by a fellow student in a student-run class. An evaluation that was based off of misinformation from someone who failed in their part of the job and blamed it on me. She gave me the second-lowest grade I received in any BYU course. Lower than the grades I received for Psych 111 , Econ 110, Media Management (a class with the worst professor I've ever had), Business Finance, Political Science 110 (with the other worst professor ever - they may be tied for last place), etc., etc. The one class with a worse grade was History of Jazz, first semester of freshman year (we all know how hard BYU music classes can be - especially when you're not ready for them). It upset me that she based her review off of someone else's lies about my performance, which were made to cover up that person's own deficiency. But as I learned in Sunday School this week, I need to forgive if I am to be forgiven, so I better repent and do that. Dang. I still wouldn't recommend either of those people for a job, though.

I've been going to a ton of weddings lately (or so it seems). My wife's best friend got married on the 18th, and one of my best friends (and until 3 months ago, my roommate) got married yesterday. It is so awesome to go sit in the sealing room and see your friends make sacred covenants. (I keep telling my wife that her contract is for eternity - there's no getting out of it.) I love being married - 3 months today. It's the best thing I've ever done.

Good friends can be hard to come by. Even in a ward where you have nice, friendly people, it can still be hard getting to know them. Not to mention that we tend to have few true friends - mostly just good acquaintances. But we had something fun happen this week. Our neighbors from two floors up came to visit. They were asking us about internet, and whether they could share our wireless connection. We said sure, talked with them for a bit, gave them the code, etc. Then they came down again the next day! Gave us the money for the first month of internet, chilled and talked some more. It was fun, because Whitney (she's about Kristen's age) mentioned that she was excited because she and Kristen were "going to be friends." That makes us both happy, that there's a nice, fun new couple in our ward that likes us and wants to be friends with us. We need to have them over for dinner soon.

Well, that's it for my ramblings for now. Tune in next time for more of the same...or something different. I don't know yet.

Planned Parenthood

2009-06-16T08:55:00.000-06:00

*DISCLAIMER: This entry may contain content not suitable for unmarried people...hehe :) But seriously, as alluded to in the title, sex and birth control are discussed, so if you're more comfortable not reading this, I understand.

I recently read two different, but related articles, and they got me thinking. One was an article from MSNBC titled "Happily ever after? Not really, many wives say." The other was a blurb about the Duggar family (a couple who subscribe to the Evangelical Christian Quiverfull Movement and who have a reality show on TLC called "18 Kids and Counting").

Let me first address the Duggar family and the Quiverfull Movement. I didn't know anything about the movement, so I looked it up on Wikipedia (which, as we all know, is the ultimate source of knowledge on the web). Adherants to this movement believe in abstaining from all forms of birth control, including natural family planning (only having sex during times of lowest fertility: i.e. during breastfeeding, after menopause, and during periods of the menstruation cycle) and sterilization. They believe all children are a gift from God, and only God has the right to decide when and to whom a baby should come. They do not believe in child spacing. As a result, the Duggars have had 18 children over the course of 20 years, and (as the show's title suggests) will likely have more.

Now, I believe that birth control is a very private matter. And as long as this family is happy and are able to support themselves and their children financially, I say right on to them. But I disagree with the tenants of their faith. Mary Pride (who some say started the Quiverfull Movement) argued, "God commanded that sex be at least potentially fruitful (that is, not deliberately unfruitful).... All forms of sex that shy away from maritial fruitfulness are perverted."

Seriously?? What if a couple wants to have sex after menopause? Is that shying away from marital fruitfulness? What if a couple is sterile and can't have children? Should they cease to have sex once they know they can't have children? After all, their sexual relations are not potentially fruitful anymore.

There are all kinds of problems with this line of thinking. Yes, children are blessings from God, and should be received with gratitude. But sex is a wonderful part of marriage that was not created just to "make babies." Sex is an expression of love between husband and wife - it unites husband and wife and makes them one. And someone should not feel worried that they can't express their love to their spouse until they are financially able to support a child.

Baptist preacher John Piper said it well:
"Just because something is a gift from the Lord does not mean that it is wrong to be a steward of when or whether you will come into possession of it. It is wrong to reason that since A is good and a gift from the Lord, then we must pursue as much of A as possible. God has made this a world in which tradeoffs have to be made and we cannot do everything to the fullest extent... As Wayne Grudem has said, 'it is okay to place less emphasis on some good activities in order to focus on other good activities.'"

Now on to the other article. Women's Day and AOL Living did a poll of 35,000 women to find out how they feel about their marriages. The result? Many women aren't that happy. It seems that once they got married, their relationships went downhill. In fact, 72% of the women polled said they have considered leaving their husband at some point, and 57% sometimes regret marrying him!

I bet I can give a guess as to why - more than 60% said they rarely or never have a date night with their husband, and more than half replied that their sex life is "dull," or that they can't remember the last time they were intimate with their husband. A whopping 79% of the women polled say they want to have sex more often.

And would you have guessed it? The number one most important thing women wish their husband would do? Spend time with them. Close behind was "do housework."

I took a class in college about marriage and family relationships, and our professor said something that I have remembered well: intimacy is directly related to the rest of your relationship. You don't have sex to build a good relationship. You have sex because you already have a good relationship. Do you think your wife is going to want to be intimate with you when ignore her? When you don't take her out on dates and spend time together, just the two of you? When you don't help out around the house and expect her to do everything? On a related note, do you also expect your wife to look good for you when you've let yourself go? 12% of women said the most important thing they want their husband to do is hit the gym.

For those of you who don't see the connection between these two articles (which may be most of you), I want to reiterate the purpose of sexual intimacy. Is it to help create children who will come into and bless our lives? Yes. But it is also to strengthen the bonds of love within marriage. It is to express what cannot be expressed any other way. People sometimes ask why in the LDS church we teach our members to wait until marriage to be intimate. Why? Because sex is bad? No! It's not that it's bad, but because it is so good that we need to wait to experience it with our spouse. It's only within marriage that we can share absolutely everything with someone, and only there is it proper to show that highest expression of love.

So in other words, I think the Quiverfull Movement is definitely missing something.

David Letterman Under Fire

2009-06-15T23:30:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how many of you saw or heard David Letterman making crude jokes about Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter (Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old unwed mother). I didn't, but they've been all over the news lately. Letterman made three inappropriate jokes about the Palins:

Letterman commented that Gov. Palin had a "slutty flight attendant" look.
He said Palin had a hard time keeping Eliot Spitzer away from her daughter.
He also joked Palin's daughter was "knocked up" by Alex Rodriguez.

Now suddenly, Palin-supporters are up in arms that he would make such shameful jokes. And people are calling for him to be fired. Have these people never watched his show? He makes inappropriate jokes about everyone. As he himself said in response to the criticism, yes, the jokes were in poor taste, and he regrets making them (he then adds that he's regretted telling thousands of jokes on his show).

Unfortunately for Letterman, Palin wasn't traveling with Bristol, but with Willow, Palin's 14-year-old daughter. So even though the jokes were obviously made in reference to Bristol, who, as Letterman said, "was knocked up," and whose...ahem, morals...could be called into question, these people are determined to prove that he meant to promote statutory rape.

Puh-leeze! Are you serious?!

Now, did I think these jokes were funny? No. Were they inappropriate? Yes. Do I think people should support him and his program when he continues to tell these types of jokes? No. But do you honestly believe that he was sending the message that it's okay to rape someone? Or that sex with a minor is okay? Give me a break. These are just people trying to gain a little extra spotlight. And I include the Palins in that group. She's just early campaigning for 2012 (I won't be voting for her, that's for sure).

Oh, and I'm willing to bet that many of those people who are signing that online petition are the same ones who laughed at all the equally inappropriate jokes made at the expense of dozens of other public figures. Let's not be hypocrtical, shall we?

Facebook Friends

2009-06-10T18:25:00.000-06:00

Let me preface this post by saying it's going to sound harsh. Although, those of you who read this probably already know that. My friend Sarah once responded to one of my posts this way: "I think you are one opinionated boy!! You always know where you stand and exactly how you feel about things." Well, that's partially true. I am very opinionated, and I tend to voice those opinions a lot. Whether wrong or right, I feel how I feel. But that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to look at things from another viewpoint and possibly change my mind.

Today I did some housecleaning on my Facebook list. I had about 450 "Facebook friends," of which I'm sure less than 20% I talk to, look at their profiles, or follow anything going on in their lives on a regular basis. I'm even willing to bet the number is lower than that.

Does that genuinely come as a surprise to anyone reading this? How many of your Facebook or MySpace friends do you stalk (I use that term loosely - don't ever stalk people - it's creepy and could get you a restraining order)? How many of your "friends" do you talk to? How many of their profiles do you even look at once a month?

With the advent of social networking, it seems like the cool thing to do is to "get back in contact" with as many of your former friends as possible. The thing is, people don't tend to do too much to stay in touch (let's face it, it's hard to keep up with the goings on of hundreds of people). For someone like me who moved around a ton, getting back in contact means that dozens of people I hardly remember add me as their friend, maybe look at my pictures once and make a comment ("Oh cute!"), then are never heard from again.

Or sometimes I get a person who knows someone I know, or who has seen me in a play, who wants to "be my friend" (I put this in quotes, because all they usually want is to add me to their Facebook friends list - they don't typically care about meeting me/getting to know me in person).

I don't begrudge anyone wanting to get to know me, to talk to me, to be my friend. Those are all wonderful things. But let's face it - the majority of people with whom I interact on Facebook (either talking with them, looking at their profiles, checking out their pictures, even chatting with them) are people I interact with outside of Facebook. I talk with them on the phone, chat online, see them from time to time... In other words, I make some effort to be a real friend - not just their "Facebook friend."

And I'm sure I'm just as guilty of this as most people. I've added people I barely knew simply because they were in a class or play with me, or who were good friends with ex-girlfriends. I've found people I knew in high school, but who were more acquaintances than friends, and added them to my list.

So we end up with huge lists of people we never talk to, never interact with, and the worst part of it is that when you go to remove any of these acquaintances from your list, you feel guilty. You worry they'll be hurt or offended that you removed them. Maybe they looked at your profile more often than you looked at theirs. Maybe they cared more than you did. That's always the concern, and I don't have a solution for it.

However, maybe we can eliminate the worry in regard to old high school/middle school/elementary school "friends." With your friend request, send a message: "Hey. I know we haven't talked in a dozen years and were never really that close to begin with, but I saw your name on someone else's profile, and wondered what you were up to. Can you add me so I can check out what's been going on, and then I'll remove you since I'm not incredibly interested in staying in touch - only getting in touch?"

Now there would be an honest message, and one I would be totally fine getting. Unfortunately, it will never happen.

Back to my housecleaning. I realize that there may be people who read my blog who I "un-added" from my Facebook friends list recently. If that's the case, you're probably one of those people I felt guilty about removing, because you care more about keeping up with me than I thought. I apologize if your feelings were hurt, but I don't apologize for un-adding anyone, because I haven't had any interaction with anyone I removed in months (at the least).

Moral of the story? Be real friends with people...then add them to your friends list.

Love & Marriage

2009-05-28T18:30:00.000-06:00

Before my sister and future brother-in-law walked into the sealing room for their wedding, I looked around the room at all the people who had sullen and dismal expressions on their faces, and told them to lighten up: "This is a wedding! You're supposed to be happy! I think if I was ever a sealer, I wouldn't be able to resist, and at some point I'd say, 'Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.' Which is why I'll probably never be a sealer."

I got a few chuckles and smiles, which is what I was going for. I just hated how sad and dismal everyone looked at such a happy time. And then, who cried the most when the wedding was over and he was hugging his little sister? Me, of course. Well, maybe it was a draw between the two of us.

At my wedding, I told her not to cry. :)

April 30, 2009 was the happiest day of my entire life. As I walked out of the temple with my sweetheart, holding her hand, everything was perfect. The weather, which we had worried about for weeks, cooperated and was gorgeous all day, allowing us to have our reception line outside, like Kristen had always wanted. She was beautiful. The reception center looked great. The music was fantastic. The dancing was fun. All in all, it was just a good, fun day. Even the confetti that was thrown in the car right before we left couldn't put a damper on things.

And in my many, many days of marriage (28 so far), it's been wonderful. :) I've learned, though, that marriage isn't easy. People always tell you that, but you don't truly understand. At least, not until you're actually married. All of a sudden, you have another person living with you. Someone with a different way of doing things, who was raised differently, who, essentially, comes from a different culture.

I mean, you do your best to talk about things before the wedding, to make the transition as smooth as possible, but there's no way you could think of everything. There are all kinds of things someone may do subconsciously that you're not used to.

But despite the bumps in the road we've experienced and I'm sure we'll continue to experience, we are happy, we're in love, and we're looking forward to spending an eternity together.

Blogging...

2009-04-08T18:30:00.000-06:00

I like to read blogs. No, I take that back. I like to read interesting blogs. And I prefer reading the blogs of people I know, but have occasionally ventured onto blogs of people I don’t. While blog-surfing, I’ve noticed that it seems a lot of bloggers out there are stay-at-home moms, and their primary blogging topic is their kids.

Now, not to attack anyone in particular or hurt anyone’s feelings (I’m sure I’ll lose a few readers with this post), but those blogs are usually pretty boring. Even if you’re friends with the person, if you don’t have a vested interest in the children (i.e. their uncle or grandmother), you don’t really care that much. Unless it’s something really interesting (like my friend who recently adopted and wrote about her new son), I’ll usually only skim the entry.

This is not to say that there aren’t kid blogs out there I think are very interesting, or that it’s never okay to write about your kids. If the blog is primarily to keep your family up-to-date on your family over long distances, it makes sense to blog about your kids. Or if once and a while your child does something really spectacular or interesting, and you want to share it with everyone, go for it (i.e. posting a video of your child’s first steps).

And kid-blogging is not the only blogging sin. There are also those people who only blog when they want to post pictures of their most recent trip. One would think by looking at their blog that they are constantly on vacation. While these posts try to make up for a lack of interesting content by using pretty pictures, they really only amount to glorified slide shows. And I don’t mean the cool, movie-type slideshows. I mean the boring, sit-in-the-dark, use-a-clicker-attached-to-the-machine-to-advance-the-slides slideshow.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, with the advent of the web, everyone can publish their thoughts for the world to see. Many people think of blogs as online journals, and looking at it that way, it shows the difference in the way people see the world. Some write the events of the day, while others write their thoughts and feelings, and insights gained. I think a healthy blend of both is what makes a good blog (leaning more towards the thoughts, feelings, and insights side). I don’t claim to have the most interesting blog in the world, but I like to think that I post moderately interesting content a majority of the time. But hey, that’s me. What do you think?

Wedding Plans

2009-03-26T10:52:00.000-06:00

With only 5 weeks left until my wedding, I thought that I would share some insights into wedding planning that I’ve learned (from the groom’s perspective).

First of all, for the groom, the engagement period is a time to prove that you really are in love with this girl, because you commitment is going to be tried. The bride is going to be constantly stressed out about making plans, making decisions, dealing with her mother (let’s be honest – even the best mother-daughter relationships get a little rocky during wedding planning), and it’s the groom’s job to be the calming influence. He has to learn to be incredibly patient, not be easily offended, and be willing to do anything the bride asks of him without feeling frustrated, annoyed, or neglected.

His job is also to remember that everyone (especially the bride and her mother) are in a different state of mind pre-wedding, but that everyone will go back to normal the moment the reception is over. I saw this with my sister’s wedding. My mom was a completely different person (I had never seen her that way) the whole weekend I was home for the wedding (let’s face it – she was freaking out). But the moment the decorations and food were taken down and carted back to the house, she was back to her normal self. It was a strange thing to witness.

As the groom, you need to remember that during the engagement, the girl you asked to marry you will become a different woman: one who can become a little bit crazy on occasion. You must remember this is not indicative of her mental state, or how she will act when you are married. It’s just the stress of planning a wedding. Also remember that you can influence this state, either for good or for ill.

My brother-in-law managed to avoid all the wedding craziness. He was working several hundred miles away from my sister during most of their engagement, and was only with her the last couple weeks, when most everything had already been planned. Did he do it the right way or no? Who knows?

Now, my advice to you future grooms for a happy engagement:

1. Never offer your opinion about anything, unless asked. If you are asked, give your opinion honestly, but let your bride know you’ll still like whatever she chooses.
2. Fight the constant desire we men have to be logical and solve problems that way. This is also important to remember in marriage, but especially important during the engagement. Wedding planning is never logical. Honestly, who would spend thousands of dollars on a one-day event, were they being logical? Let her do it how she wants.
3. Take a break from wedding stuff every day, and have some together time. If you don’t, you’ll both go crazy. It doesn’t matter whether you have a million things to do. Just take some time to relax: watch a movie, cook dinner together, whatever.
4. This one ties in to the last one, but keep going on dates. Don’t stop simply because you’re engaged. It’s possibly even more important to continue courting each other while you’re engaged than it was prior to the engagement.
5. Make sure your bride knows how much you love her – tell her often, and do little things for her to show her you still love her, even though she gets crazy sometimes. :)

And lastly…
6. Remember that your bride loves you very much, even when the stress of the wedding puts her in a less-than-positive mood.

If you follow this advice, I think you’ll find you have a good engagement, and will continue to be excited for the big day, and the many that will follow it.

LOL

2009-03-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

Do you know which internet abbreviation is the most obnoxious? "LOL." Honestly, have you ever heard someone actually say "laugh out loud" (at least, before the advent of the internet)? No! Even if people are trying to show they are laughing (which they’re usually not – they just want to make people believe they are), couldn’t they use "haha" or even "hehe," or even the computer-speak smiley face? :) Anything would be better than the dreaded LOL.

Now apparently, no one laughs as much as teenagers, who use the three-letter combination incessantly, interspersed throughout their messages. Allow me to illustrate, with no exaggeration on my part. Here is an excerpt from an actual* teenager’s e-mail (oh, and to warn you, they don’t use capitalization, and seldom use punctuation…I believe it’s because it must cost more to text a capital letter, and it takes way too much time to add in a comma while "IM-ing"):

"…and then lol I was walking to class with jim lol and he totally was like what are you doing after class lol so I told him im going to my friends house to study lol and he was like well when are you going to be done lol…"

Oh, I can’t read it anymore. Now, I’ve come up with several theories as to why people use the abbreviation "LOL." 1. As is apparent from the previous excerpt, perhaps they think it serves as an all purpose punctuation mark. 2. Another idea is that maybe LOL is used to let people know you think something is funny when in fact it is not. 3. Or maybe, people use LOL to convince others that despite their typically surly attitudes, they are in fact very happy individuals, and "laugh out loud" on a constant basis, no matter what they are doing.

Regardless of the reason, LOL is a scourge on the English-speaking world, and must be obliterated. There are other stupid words that have come into existence that should likewise not have made their way into teenage slang ("sick" meaning "cool," "bling," etc.), but LOL is at the top of the list.

--
*not from an actual teenager

My Happy Ending

2009-02-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

I’m in a play that opens tonight (you should all come see it, by the way). But I can relate to my character. His name is Darryl, and is described in the script with one word: cynical. In one scene, he is on a date with a girl named Dresden, and they’re "people-watching." The conversation goes something like this:

Darryl: What about that one?
Dresden: She’s obviously into him, but he’s…
Darryl: What?
Dresden: Holding back, and I can’t see why. Could she make it more obvious?
Darryl: Probably.
Dresden: And him?
Darryl: Maybe he’s been hurt before, or…disillusioned.
Dresden: So what? He’s given up?
Darryl: No way. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here, in the park...with her.

I wrote a post back in July, where I detailed what I was feeling at the time. It was not a good time for me. Though I was trying to change my attitude and how I felt, I was depressed, disillusioned, and didn’t seem to be able to pull myself out of it. But I said something I’d like to take back now.

I said, "I just don’t believe in fairy tales anymore." That’s no longer true. I do believe in fairy tales, and I believe in happily ever after. Because I found my happy ending – I found my happily ever after, and I love her so much. It hasn’t been an easy road, and I know that if I want to grow into a better, stronger person, trials and struggles will never let up, but I do know that I’ll be happy.

Because I think the key to being happy while going through our trials is discovering why we’re having them in the first place. If we do that, we can have a different attitude about why we’re having them. And I think it will help having someone who’s always there, going through them alongside you. They say that if you put two horses together, they can pull four times the weight either one of them could pull alone. I believe that, because I know that I'm stronger when Kristen is by my side.

-----
And they lived happily ever after.

I'm Engaged!!!

2009-01-31T21:29:00.001-07:00

Okay, so people keep asking me for the story of how I did it, so I figured I'd post it up here.

Last night, Kristen and I went on a double date with her roommate Janae and Janae's fiance Richard. We told the girls that the date was a surprise. The only thing they knew was that we were going to dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory. So we go to dinner, enjoy ourselves, enjoy the food, and then Janae signals Kristen with the secret girl code that she needed to use the restroom. For some reason, girls cannot go to the bathroom alone when in a group setting. I know it's usually partly the whole talk about your date thing, but I also think it's a natural aversion girls have to odd numbers.

Anyway, we used this knowledge about girls to our advantage, and had Janae (who was a co-conspirator in the whole thing) do that on purpose. Richard and I hurried and paid, then left, and left a message and his car keys on the table. Now, we'd all come in the same car, but Richard and I had driven by earlier to drop off his car near the restaurant.

The message we left the girls was this:
This is the beginning of your Super Secret Fun Date. It will be the most fun you’ve had in a long time. You will experience thrills, chills, ooh’s and aah’s, and will love us both more with each new adventure you have. We are now in two different locations, and you will have to follow the trail of clues to get to us and get the grand prize. Are you ready? The clues are really hard. Here goes.

We then proceeded to send the girls to places of significance to our respective relationships. They alternated with clues for Kristen and clues for Janae, and at each spot, they received little gifts. [Consequently, all this time, Richard and I were chilling in the car, chatting. At one point, I said, "You know, we're probably going to be spending a lot of time together. As your fiance and my soon-to-be-fiance are each other's maids of honor and all. Good thing you're able to tolerate my presence." We had a good laugh about that.] The next to last clue led to where Richard had proposed to Janae, and he was there waiting with the last clue, which read:

I gave you your ideal _____ here.
Almost there! When we’re all together, we’ll give you both the grand prize. Don’t ask Richard what it is – he won’t tell.

When Kristen and I were first getting to know each other, somehow the subject of kissing came up, and she asked me if I had a "perfect kiss" or an "ideal kiss" or something along those lines. I didn't. I doubt many boys do - apparently it's a girl thing. So I asked her if she had one, and she said yes. It involved playgrounds and being pushed on a swing, then being kissed while the boy stood in front of her, holding the chains while she still sat on the swing. Anyway, so I decided that the first time I kissed Kristen (if I kissed her - I wasn't sure at the time as we were just getting to know each other), I would give her her ideal kiss. Often, first kisses are awkward or lame or just disappointing, but I was determined that ours wouldn't be.

So for her last clue, Kristen went to the same playground where we had our first kiss. She came bounding out of the car all smiles, and hugged me and kissed me and said how much fun she'd had. After a second, I asked her if she was ready for the grand prize. She said yes, and so I stepped back and knelt down on the snow and looked up at her. I said, "I love you and I want to be with you forever." As I was saying that, I took the box out of my coat pocket and held it in front of her. Then I said, "Kristen Marie Southerland," and opened the box. "Will you marry me?"

She was crying and smiling so huge, as she said, "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" I stood up (closing the ring box as I did so) and hugged her and kissed her (a few times), then pulled away and opened the ring box, pulled out the ring, and put it on her finger. After more kisses and hugs, I smiled and said, "Go ahead," as she proceeded to yell (to Janae), "I'm engaged!"

And there was much running and rejoicing and yelling and hugging on the part of the two girls (who are best friends, if you haven't gathered as much by this point). It was a lot of fun, and I hope it will be a good memory for her - one that's fun to tell later on.

Egregious Errors

2009-01-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

Now, I know that I’m the kind of person who tends to notice spelling and grammatical errors more than most. But I just read an article with such ridiculous misspellings, that it completely changed the meanings of sentences. How do these people get jobs in journalism? Maybe those with the worst spelling and grammar (and proofreading skills) are put in entertainment “news.”

Here is the link to the article I read. It’s about a new TV show.
Let’s see if you can spot the errors:

Paragraph 9
“…(last scene as Tyler Ford on “The Middleman” and is as likeable here)…”
Answer: “scene” should be spelled “seen”

Paragraph 10
“…(the son of a devote family of Jehovah’s Witnesses)…”
Answer: “devote” is either a bad spelling of “devout” or is missing the D for “devoted”

Paragraph 10
“…in a Georgetown den of inequity…”
Answer: “inequity” should be spelled “iniquity”

So here’s what we can all learn from this… Spell check will not tell you if you’re using the wrong word. It will only tell you if the words you typed are correct spellings of known words.

The Calm Amidst the Storm

2008-12-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

I've felt like blogging for a long while, but the muse just hasn't been with me. Perhaps she is today – I’ll give it a shot.

My life was full of tumultuous ups and downs in 2008. I can’t honestly say that it wasn't partially (or even mostly) my fault, but it's definitely been an eventful year. From being an unemployed college graduate, to getting out of a serious relationship / having my heart broken, to moving out of the city where I've lived the last 4 years, to the economy being in a downward spiral and worrying about the future of our nation with a socialist at the helm, it hasn't been the smoothest transition into adulthood.

But in the last couple months, something has happened that's put everything in perspective and made all my trials worth it. Just when I thought I would never be able to love again (and I do mean that – it’s not just for dramatic emphasis), along came the one person who could make me feel happy again. She takes care of me, adores me, and just wants to make me happy. She loves me more than I ever thought any girl could, and she makes me feel like a million bucks.

Okay – just a little bit about her… Her name is Kristen, she's from Orem, is an artist (studying studio art at BYU), works as an assistant manager at Coney’s (frozen custard), and is 5’7” with wavy, dark-brown hair and a gorgeous smile. :) I absolutely adore her.

Sometimes it seems surreal, that she shouldn't love me so much, but she does. And it makes me smile. In fact, from our first date (and especially since our first kiss), neither one of us can get the huge smiles off of our faces. :D

We have a lot of similar likes/dislikes. We both love Homestar Runner and Star Wars, hate onions, and want to live either near the mountains or the ocean (in other words, we refuse to live in the so-called “Great” Plains area of the United States). :) But she's so easy to talk to, and I love being around her.

Now, I’m not making any prophecies about our relationship or where it’s going to go. But regardless of what happens between us, I am extremely grateful that she came into my life, and at just the time she did.

Will You Mow the Lawn?

2008-11-15T16:36:00.001-07:00

So...I've turned into my father. Not that that's a bad thing. My father is my hero. I love him and think he's amazing. Maybe someday I'll write about why he's so cool.

But ever since I was little, my dad has always had a passion - his home. If he had a choice between staying home and going to a party...or out to dinner...or to anything somewhere that wasn't home, he'd choose home. His home truly is his castle. If he doesn't have some kind of home improvement project going on, he's outside working on the yard. And of course, he always wanted me to help out in the yard, but I was never a big fan. Hence, he always had to ask me to mow the lawn (and pay me to get me to do it).

I moved into an apartment in Springville in August, and I really like it. It's an old building, though, so it needed a little work when we first got it. In addition, buying used furniture always requires you to do a little cleaning / refinishing. As a result, we've done a lot of scraping, caulking, painting, hammering, putting together (new furniture that comes in boxes), and moving around. We steam cleaned a couch (that's quite time-consuming, by the way - we did it in spurts), refinished our cabinets, cleaned / refinished 6 oak chairs and a kitchen table, painted three walls of our living room, recaulked around windows and the baseboards in the kitchen...

The list goes on, but I really have become like my father in that respect. I spend lots of time at Home Depot, and I love it. It's a great store, and I love the smell when you first walk in (wood, mmm...). And I'm constantly finding things about my apartment I want to fix up as I go. Then today (Saturday, my day off), what did I do? I pulled out the paving stones in my patio and redid it. I truly have turned into my father. :)

Before and After Pictures

High School Musical 3 - Shooting for the Stars

2008-10-26T00:09:00.001-06:00

I’m a nerd. I know. I went to see High School Musical 3 opening morning (aka the midnight showing). And I know I'm kinda writing a review again, but I think the reason I write about movies and plays is because they get me to think.

Well, HSM3 wasn’t super amazing, but if you liked the first two, you’ll like this one. If you didn’t, you probably won’t like this one either. Like the first two, HSM3 is filled with cool dancing and catchy songs that you’ll buy/download and listen to over and over. Also like the first two, it has some cheesy lines, cheesy acting, and cheesy facial expressions. But it’s cute, and if you have ever worried about the future, you’ll be able to relate to what the characters are going through.

I don’t think I ever worried about what I was going to do after high school. I would graduate, go to BYU for a year, then on a mission for two years, back to BYU, get married, get a job, etc. I didn’t have many plans for after my mission/college, but I never worried about that in high school. In fact, I don’t think I ever worried about my future until I was graduated from college with bills to pay and no job. I hadn’t found anything, and I was in a bad spot financially, so I took a job as a server at Olive Garden and one as a courier while I searched for that career job.

I eventually found one, and I’m working for that company now. It’s nice to have a real job with a salary and to feel somewhat like an adult, but I’ve started to think about my future again. I still don’t feel like I’m a real adult – I feel like I’m still pretending, because I don’t know where my life is going. Now I’m just working in a job, trying to do my best, but I never wanted work to be my focus. I see so many people whose work defines them – I don’t want to be like that.

Of all the important things in my future, the most important one was the one for which I couldn’t really prepare. The thing is, without someone to share it with, my life seems so empty. One of my favorite movies is Notting Hill. Hugh Grant says this to his married friends when they’re trying to set him up with someone: “I think you have forgotten what an unusual situation you have here: to find someone you actually love, who'll love you. The chances are...always minuscule.”

Although HSM3 wraps things up nicely, with happy endings all around, real life doesn't work like that, and sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will work out. Let’s be honest, in dating, everything up to this point has been a failure. Because I’ve never known success, I have no reason to believe it (success) actually exists. For other people, sure - I've seen it happen for them. But for me?

I know what I'm supposed to do: to date, to put myself out there. I know that, but I just don't know if it will ever happen for me.

Maybe I just need to stop wishing on shooting stars.

--
I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star.
Seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishing for.
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?
Oh I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star.

Sunday School

2008-09-28T18:47:00.000-06:00

I once had an interesting assignment in a Sunday School class. The teacher passed out note cards, and told us to imagine ourselves in this scenario. We are on an airplane which is going to crash in a few minutes. Having that knowledge, what would be our last message? It could be to whomever we wanted, and we were given some time to write down on the note card what we would say. I was given someone’s remarks addressed to me, and they have helped me, even to this day, to be strong in the face of adversity:

"I know that whatever happens to me is the Lord’s plan. That He has something in store for me and for you. Life will continue and I know that you can be happy. I know this because I know the Church is true. And I know that our Heavenly Father loves us individually. He knows our wants and our needs. He knows what we are capable of and He knows what is best for us. He misses us and wants us to return back to Him. So please continue to live the Gospel and allow the Lord to have His hand in your life to guide and bless you. I love you so much. Thank you for your influence in my life. I am a different, better person because of you. My life has been blessed because of you. I love you very much."

I share that with you because it has made an impact in my life. Something so simple that the teacher (and this individual) did, but it is still something I re-read at least once a week, and which gives me strength and peace. That having been said, I have also seen many poor examples of teaching in church. Here is a list of suggestions I’ve written which I think, if applied generally, could help us all get more out of lessons.

Adam’s List of Effective Teaching Skills v. 1.0

Dress appropriately so as not to distract from the message you are trying to teach. Guys – button your cuffs. I’ve seen several people not button their shirt cuffs (but yet, not roll them up). It doesn’t look good, and is just a distraction (and annoyance) for me.
Ask questions, and ask lots of them. Only rarely ask close-ended questions with which you’re trying to elicit a particular response (unless maybe you’re in Primary, but that’s a whole different ball game). Instead, ask open-ended questions. Then take what is said and run with it. Use what your students say and incorporate it into your lesson.
Don’t be afraid to ask a question you might not know the answer to.
And when you ask a question, don’t answer it yourself. Wait. Wait for a minute or two if you have to, even if the silence gets really uncomfortable. If it gets uncomfortable enough, someone’s hand will go up. This will usually even work if your class has a tendency of not answering questions. Waiting will give them more of an incentive to answer – no one likes uncomfortable silences. It also shows how much you value input (and if you don’t, you should – see D&C 50:22).
Don’t read the whole lesson / all the scriptures. Pick key excerpts / scriptures to focus on.
Have a direction / theme on which you want to focus (especially in Sunday School, where you’re just going through the scriptures in order).
Use quotes from modern prophets / apostles.
Never ever EVER go over time, no matter how important “this one last point” is. You just lost more than half your audience.
Remember that you are in Christ’s place. You’re going to be saying “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen,” at the end of your lesson. Make sure you’re teaching what He wants you to teach.

Forgiveness

2008-09-10T12:04:00.000-06:00

I’ve come to some realizations in the last couple days, through a series of unfortunate events. But I’ll tell you about the events before I tell you about the realizations.

One of my co-workers is on vacation in Europe for the next two weeks (she left on Saturday). Last Thursday, she got upset with me, and then I was upset with her too because...well, it doesn't really matter, but we'll leave it at that. Work was frustrating.

On Saturday (and again on Monday), there was an exchange (that I won’t go into) that involved my roommate and someone else, but which had a significant impact on me. My roommate was very upset with this other person and everything that happened in that exchange. It was rough on both sides.

Then there’s work. Because my co-worker is gone, and I'm covering a few of her projects, Monday was a beast, and Tuesday was just as bad. Monday I realized that there was a huge error on one of my projects that had just finished, and although it wasn’t directly my fault (it was a programming error), I could have prevented it if I had been more thorough when the study went into field, by doing a check on the data (which is supposed to be routinely done while a project is in field). So I felt horrible about that, didn’t take lunch, and was at work until 6:30 p.m.

Tuesday I was woken up by a phone call at 7 a.m. (and had 2 missed calls before that) about a project for which I was covering. There was a major issue, but since I don’t have the internet at home yet, and no one was at the office, and I live 20 minutes from work, I couldn’t get the problem fixed right away. Thus, the client got ticked off, and once again I skipped lunch and worked 10 hours. But because I was essentially working since 7 that morning, I at least managed to get off at 5.

But the point is, it’s been a pretty crappy past several days. Last night my roommate was still upset about the exchange that happened this weekend, and in the course of meeting for a BYU ecclesiastical endorsement, asked for some advice. We were hanging out with a friend last night, and my roommate was telling us about the experience he had with the stake president, and how much better he feels now.

(Now we’re getting into the realizations part of this blog – thanks for bearing with me.)

He said that the stake president told him no matter what perceived victories we stand to lose, forgiveness is worth it. To let your “enemies” have their perceived victories if they want them. Hopefully they’ll be able to forgive you too, and if not right away, perhaps in time they will see things in a different light.

My roommate said he didn’t want anyone to hold hate in their hearts for him. That he felt bad things had worked out the way they did, but that he refused to hold hate in his heart, and hoped they would feel the same. He said the process is still difficult, though. The stake president told him that maybe he needed to repent first, and then he would be able to forgive.

That’s what I’ve realized. That I’d been sheltering similar feelings in my heart for a long time, and for which I needed to repent. My roommate taught me that no matter what we feel someone has done to us or to someone we love, we cannot let it become an excuse for harboring evil feelings toward that person. They will destroy us, and we need to forgive unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.

I think I’m there now, and it feels much better.

Update On My Life

2008-08-27T11:29:00.000-06:00

So…I met this cute girl. :) Okay, so that was just an attention-grabber. But really, what is it with us human beings and being obsessed with each other’s love lives? I don’t get it either.

Now seriously, I’ve been having a pretty good time lately. I AM still sleeping on the floor in my new apartment, because I don’t have a mattress yet (although I do have a bed which is completely put together in my room). Oh well. Baby steps, right? And no internet access at home, with just limited access at work - this is being posted from my Blackberry actually. Saturday night was the closing night of one of my shows, and I had some of the cast of Beauty and the Beast come watch. Then they invited me to come to ice cream with them afterwards. It was way fun, even if I did sit next to Tyler instead of Mary or Deba…grr Tyler! :)

And Mary has been trying to get me to go into film. She loves it, and keeps encouraging me to get into it too. So I went with her to Salt Lake on Monday for a small class she’s been taking on film auditions. It’s taught by Jeff Johnson, a guy who is one of the primary casting directors in Utah. For those of you who love High School Musical 1-3, he was one of the casting directors for those films. In fact, I met one of the cheerleaders from it, who's also in the class (she’s also in 2 and 3 – her name’s Baily Baker). It was a cool class, and it was good to get some pointers on auditioning for film. I’ve never done a film audition, but I’d like to. We all did one-liners in front of the camera, and when we were watching them at the end of class, Jeff said mine was really good, then asked, “Do you have an agent?” I said no. He said, “Why not??!” That made me feel really good. I think Mary was as excited for me as I was (or moreso). She told Jeff that I was just starting in film, and that we would get all that stuff taken care of.

And P.S. Can I just give a shout out to Mary? She’s totally cool. She’s my age (which is different – I’m usually hanging around people who are a bit younger than me, or some who are a little older), she works in the temple, she’s been in a couple seminary movies and at least one regular movie, she’s beautiful (she was Miss Springville/Mapleton 2007 and competed in Miss Utah last year), and she’s studying anthropology at BYU and wants to do a field study in Africa. Just totally awesome. She’d probably be embarrassed by all that, but I don’t think she reads this blog. Haha. :D

Dating...ugh

2008-08-15T17:39:00.000-06:00

Every once and a while, I seem to get this urge to write something, anything. Even if there’s nothing in particular on my mind I want to talk about. For example, it’s only been since 6 days since I last posted, and yet I really want to write something.

Looking back at my last three blogs, I wrote about: a book, a movie, and a play. It would seem that I should turn into a professional or amateur reviewer. But really…they’ve all been about me.

Because typically, blog entries are online diaries where people share their emotions and feelings with the rest of the world. [As a side note, I know that people as far away as the Philippines and Finland read my blog, so you really are speaking to the world in a blog.] But the interesting thing about blogs is that when you share your feelings with the world, you can do so without explicitly saying anything about what you’re really feeling. Sure, it’s a cop-out, but at the same time, it’s a pretty cool cop-out.

You know what (abrupt subject change)? I think I’ve started to like dating again… Just a little bit, though. But let me just say, for the record, that I hate the first date conversations. You know, the ones that are usually so shallow and pointless, that typically start and end with, “Where are you from? What’s your major?” Sure, that information is interesting and part of getting to know someone, but I like going on first dates with someone you’ve already started to get to know – someone you can talk to in more depth than that. I feel in that situation you can really get to know someone better.

Dating is just so obnoxious – especially the games. I think what’s different this time around is that I refuse to play them. Sure, I’ll flirt and everything, but I’m upfront about it. I’m willing to say, “Hey – I like you. Do you want to go out with me?” I have no pretentions and no hidden agendas…and I think that girls can tell the difference.

I mean, I do miss being in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you have someone to come home to at night, someone you can always talk to. You almost never have to be alone unless you really want to be. You don’t have to worry whether or not you’ll have plans that weekend (unless she wants to go out with her girlfriends or something). You have someone who cares about you and who misses you when you’re not around, and who loves to just snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with you. You can do fun things together and go on cool dates, but you don’t have to. Because you’re also totally comfortable sitting in silence with your best friend, just enjoying each other’s company.

One of my favorite memories of being in a relationship was sitting on the couch, reading a book, while my girlfriend lay on my lap and held my hand as she watched TV. Later that evening she asked, “Is this what being married is like?” I said, “I think so.” And it may sound weird to people who haven’t had the same experience, but I sure hope marriage is like that, because it was wonderful.

I’ve thought about why things are so difficult for me lately. Whether it’s because we were together for so long that I just miss being in a relationship (let’s face it – I’ve never really enjoyed dating), or if I really just miss being with her.

And I know now...that it’s her.

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake." -- Little Manhattan

Pride and Prejudice

2008-08-09T23:41:00.000-06:00

My friend gave me some comp tickets to Pride and Prejudice, a new musical that's showing at the Scera in Orem, so I went tonight. I've never been a die-hard fan of the story (I mean, heck - I used to say that the girl who could get me to watch P&P with her would be a girl I would be willing to do ANYthing for). But I will admit that I do like it, I've seen the new movie (with Keira Knightley) twice, and I also really enjoyed watching this play.

There were some cheesy moments - let's be honest. Some of the songs were a little corny, and where they were placed in relation to the dialogue was not always where I would have expected a song. For example, one brief love song between Bingley and Jane made me laugh, because it came right when they declared their love for each other. I expected them to kiss right then, but got a cheesy love song first. But on the whole, it was a good play, and the actors did really well with the material.

My favorite part of the musical was when Elizabeth finds out that Lydia has run off with Wickham. Elizabeth is naturally distraught, but Darcy promises her things will be all right. When she leaves, he sings a song called Ask Me For the Stars. I wish I had the music, because I want to put down exactly what he said. But he essentially said, I love you and I would do absolutely anything you asked me to do. No matter what you need, I will always be there, taking care of youEven if you don't know I was the one to help you, that doesn't matter to me. I will still be there, your invisible guardian angel. Ask me for the stars, and I'll get them for you.

Joseph Smith once said of Emma, "I would go to hell for such a woman." I would add to that: "and I would get you the stars if you asked me for them."

Little Manhattan

2008-08-06T13:35:00.000-06:00

I watched one of the cutest movies ever over the last couple days (I haven’t really had a lot of free time lately, so I tend watch things in installments). The movie is called Little Manhattan, and it’s about Gabe and Rosemary, two 11-year-olds from New York who fall in love one summer, before Rosemary leaves to go to summer camp, then off to private school. Throughout the movie, one of the back stories is that Gabe’s parents have been in the middle of a divorce for more than a year (but are still living together for some odd reason), and Gabe’s mom has started to date again. As a side note, I can imagine it’d be really weird for her dates to have her husband greet them at the door. [WARNING: Spoiler alert. I highly recommend watching the movie before reading this post. I’m planning on buying it, so you could wait ’til then to borrow it from me, or you can also watch it here.]

Anyway, the movie taught me something about love that I didn’t realize, until my friend pointed it out to me. At one point, Gabe says something to Rosemary he doesn’t mean, and ends up miserable because of it. To stop the pain, he then convinces himself that he doesn’t care about her anymore. The next day he’s talking to his dad about love:

Gabe: Dad, what's the deal with girls? I mean, why are they the way they are?
Dad: You're talking to the wrong man.
Gabe: Well, how come all love has to end?
Dad: Let me tell you something about me and your mom. Once upon a time, we really loved each other, but as time went by, there just got to be all these things, little things, stupid things, that were left unsaid. And all these things that were left unsaid piled up, like the clutter in our storage room. And after awhile, there was so much that was left unsaid, that we barely said anything at all.
Gabe: Well, why didn't you just say them then, dad?
Dad: I don't know, Gabe. I kind of wish I had.

Because of that conversation, Gabe has a revelation that he still liked Rosemary – but more than that, he loved her. And he knew he had to tell her he didn’t mean what he’d said before. “I couldn't escape them, all the little things I left unsaid – I was drowning in them.” So he does – he risks everything (emotionally) to tell her that he loves her. Which quite naturally leaves her in shock. She is only eleven, after all.

Gabe: You think you might wanna love me, too?
Rosemary: I don't know what I think, Gabe, I'm only 11. I don't think I'm ready to be in love…but I'm really happy you came.

That, “but I’m really happy you came,” made putting his heart out there worth it. And even though they had to go their separate ways, something good came out of his experience. When Gabe came home after that talk with Rosemary, he found his parents laughing and talking together. When his mom left the room, his dad bent down and said to him, “I just cleared some old stuff out of the storage room.”

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake."

What my friend helped me realize is this. Even knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I gained in my last year and a half for anything, because it made me who I am now.

Twilight and Relationships

2008-08-02T23:17:00.000-06:00

Breaking Dawn came out today. For those of you non-vampire-lovers, it's the newest book in the Twilight sage, the series by Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon mom from Arizona. She is a BYU grad, and her Twilight series has been called the next Harry Potter, although because it deals with subject matter that is more mature than HP and focuses primarily on the relationship of a teenage girl and her vampire boyfriend, it reaches a smaller demographic (primarily teenage girls).

An understanding of the book is not necessary to the reading of this post, but it probably helps. And part of the reason for writing this is to let you know that not only teenage girls read the book. Although, being a 20-something male, reading the books in public may get you some weird looks and/or comments from others. Well, at least my friend Wyatt told me he'll reserve judgment on me for reading the book, which is nice.

Here's a basic rundown of the story for those who haven't read the books. [WARNING: Spoiler alert] Bella is a high school senior who meets and falls in love with a vampire (Edward), who is a good vampire living among humans (doesn't drink human blood). Bella and Edward fall in love, but Edward decides that by being around, he's endangering Bella, so he abruptly leaves her, sending her spiraling into depression. At that point, along comes Jacob, who is slightly younger than Bella, but who adores her. He brings her almost out of her comatose state, and Bella starts to live her life again. She calls Jacob her "sun."But then Edward returns for Bella, making it necessary for her to choose with whom she wants to be. Oh yeah, and turns out, Jacob is a werewolf, which is the mortal enemy of the vampire.

Kinda far-fetched, but a very compelling and interesting story, which is why I've read the books, and I can't wait to get further into the new book (I've been reading my friend Janae's copy backstage at performances today and have gotten to page 136 as of this writing).

I think part of the reason I like this series is because I used to see my life paralleled in the books, especially in Jacob's story. Analyzing it now, though, I don't think that really holds quite true (although I am still admittedly on Team Jacob), but I have been able to draw some interesting thoughts from my reading. Here's how I see it.

Both Edward and Jacob have their flaws. In their actions, Jacob is hot and impulsive, while Edward is cool and deliberate. Jacob is young and somewhat emotionally immature, but he is the best friend Bella has ever had. She even says she never did anything to deserve such a wonderful friend as Jacob. But at the same time, he is somewhat selfish - he wants Bella to love him like he loves her, and he's stubborn and refuses to make the decision easy for her. Basically, he won't give up. On the other hand, Edward loves Bella so much, he will do whatever he thinks is best for her (often without regard for what she thinks).

Edward may seem perfect to Bella, but it is exactly that "perfection" that makes him imperfect. It is that absolute desire to do what is best for Bella that leads to him hurting her more than anything or anyone else ever did. And it is that controlling nature he has that makes his seeming perfection unreal (and really sends up red flags for the relationship).

Now here's my plug for Jacob, and let me apply it to relationships in general. Some people attack Jacob because he's somewhat immature and selfish, and was rash and made mistakes in how he dealt with Bella. But I'm willing to give him a little latitude, because he was younger. As he gets older, he'll learn and grow and become more emotionally mature (it even shows him progressing somewhat on that front in the books). Edward, however, does not get the same accommodation, as he is about 90 years old. He should have already learned from his mistakes along the way.

Now I've talked about this before, but you shouldn't be looking for perfection in a mate. You should be looking for someone who loves you and who makes you want to be a better person, but not someone who is perfect. If you think someone is perfect, that should send up more red flags. One of the great things about truly being in love is that you can even learn to love someone's flaws.

But quite honestly, I don't blame Edward or Jacob for the problems - I blame Bella. And really, Bella was starting to drive me nuts in the books. And even though the book has turned out the way it has so far (which doesn't make me happy, by the way), I'm at least glad that Bella isn't fickle anymore. I'm excited to read more.

So go and read these books - they're good.

That's all.

I Went For a Walk

2008-07-21T00:38:00.000-06:00

*Writer’s Note: I know I just posted a blog entry, but it was kind of lame, so I’m writing another. :)

So I went for a walk in a cemetery yesterday afternoon. It was really nice, actually. I don’t think I knew what I expected, but it’s very peaceful and quiet there, and was a very nice Sunday afternoon activity. I even felt the Spirit as I looked at some of the gravestones. I took some pictures and I’d like to share some of those here (*Note: none of them are people I know – if anyone who reads this who knows one of these people and would like me take the picture down, please let me know).

But it got me thinking. Our Western culture is not very good at dealing with death. This is clearly evident from the way it is shown in popular culture, and how funerals are conducted. Yes, we should be sad when someone we love dies. As God has said, “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die (D&C 42:45).” But that doesn’t mean we should despair.

One of the hardest things I think I saw was something that hit close to home: babies dying. My mother gave birth to a little boy when I was 20 months old. His name was Andrew. He had complications at birth and only lived a few hours before he died. Losing a child must be so difficult. I don’t know how my parents got through that period of their lives. But I saw a few of those kinds of gravestones.

I don’t know which is harder: losing a baby right after the baby is born, or getting to have some time to know your baby, and then have them taken away, like happened to my friend a little bit ago.

One of the gravestones I saw that touched me the most was this one:

She was only 21 when she died, and had only been married 8 months. I feel so sad for her husband, that he lost her so soon.

But this one made me happy:

Look at the death dates. She died Jan. 31, 1916. He died a week later, on Feb. 7. I’d like to think he followed her so soon because he missed her so much and couldn’t stand to be away from her for very long.

One of the hardest things to remember when death confronts us is to keep the proper perspective. God can see the end from the beginning, and we need to somehow gain a portion of his eternal perspective. We need to remember that we can see that person again. The back of this headstone is hard to read, but it says this:

Friend and husband, brother, son
Some say his life had just begun
This playful spirit, joyful man
Keen of mind, gentle, grand

***

For he who sent him here is pleased
And when besought for his release,
By holy covenants which bind,
Said, “Send him home, he first was mine.”

We shouldn’t be afraid to die. Death happens to all of us. There is no escaping it. And we should not despair when people we love die. What we can and should do is pray for a portion of God’s eternal perspective, and be grateful for the time we had on this earth to spend with those we love.

---
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3

My Title

2008-07-20T17:10:00.000-06:00

This post will be short, but I just wanted to write something, so I decided to let anyone who cared know a little more about this blog. Now, some of you may have noticed that the URL for this blog is a little weird: Bobohead the Conqueror. Why I chose that? I'm still not quite sure.

Let me tell you a story. Many moons ago there was a boy named Sam. Now, when Sam was growing up, his family was not allowed to use certain derogatory words (like "stupid") to describe each other. So he and his siblings made up a word to use as a substitution (basically, they just got around the system, since it's just a sub for the real word, like "dang" and "heck," but I digress). That word was "bobohead."

Now, fast forward Sam to college, and he's living with an interesting fellow named Robert. Robert hears the story and seems to really enjoy this word. So when Adam moves into the same apartment as Robert and Sam, Robert starts using this word against Adam...frequently...so frequently that it gets old very quickly. And yet, Robert continues for many years, until Robert gets himself engaged and moves out before his wedding (which consequently is this coming weekend).

But in the course of all this, Adam has gotten used to this word, so he makes it part of his blog URL for the heck of it. And now he's stuck with it forever. Oh well. That's life.

THE END

Rediscovery

2008-07-16T00:53:00.000-06:00

I’ve debated writing this and putting it out there for anyone and everyone to read. Close readers of my blog know my feelings about all that kind of stuff, but I’ve been attempting to be more open. I think it can help me, even if there are some negative consequences…like sympathy. :)

With that said, I’ve been making new friends lately…and re-discovering old ones (mostly of the female gender). I think I’ve been a pretty poor friend in the past. Someone once helped me realize that when you have someone you love and who is very special to you, it’s not very appropriate to flirt and be alone with members of the opposite sex. And although I agree, and while most people would say I was justified in the way I’ve handled my situation, I wish I wouldn’t have let so many friendships fall apart / disappear over the last year.

What I’ve found, though, is that your real friends tend to be very forgiving about things like that. For which I’m grateful. And help can come from people and places that you never expected. Like when you go out to ice cream with the girl you dated briefly last year, and you’re both content being good friends this time around. Or when a teenager you hardly ever talked to two years ago suddenly becomes the person you confide in more than any other. When you find solace in writing a short story because a friend encouraged you to. Or when you feel you finally really connect with your boss and coworkers.

So I’m grateful I have good friends to soften the blow. But I like to think that I'm tough enough to take a pretty good hit. I think I can get over it – I’ll be able to move on with my life and be happy. But I think the hardest thing to get over is suddenly being just another person. To not be different from anyone else – not to be special. And it’s hard to know that she doesn’t care anymore. That the last phone call was just a courtesy. It was for me, not her – something she would have done for anyone. That my words and tears didn’t mean anything – that they didn’t touch anything inside her.

Bet you didn’t tell him
About those weekends at the coast
Or how we used to argue
About who loved who the most
Well I guess I won that one, cuz I still need you so
But to you I’m just someone you used to know

Like a friend, like a fool
Like some guy you knew in school
Didn’t we love, didn’t we share
Or don’t you even care?
I know we said we were through
But I never knew how quickly I would go
From someone you loved
To someone you used to know

It seemed like I was a fairy tale sometimes. I used to love randomly taking her in my arms in the kitchen and dancing with her, while I sang softly in her ear. Or when she’d lay her head on my lap so I’d stroke her hair while we watched TV… and then how she’d fall asleep like that, while I watched her instead of the TV. :) How she could practically read my mind, and how I felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she would cuddle up to me and move my arm so it was wrapped around her. How whenever I had exciting news, I wanted to tell her first. How she would kiss me with her eyes closed so tight. How on one day off, we planned to do something fun and outdoorsy, but I got sick, so she stayed inside and took care of me, even letting me fall asleep for a while with my head on her lap.

When Cinderella found the writer had appended
What did she do when the fairy tale had ended?
And the rain falls down, and I’m standing here with no umbrella again.

So what happened to my happy ending? Where’s my happily ever after?
Like I said, I'm sure I’ll be okay… I just don’t believe in fairy tales anymore.

A Brief Note

2008-06-21T20:19:00.000-06:00

I watched an episode of Scrubs today. Well, let's face it - I watched about five episodes today. By the way, they're still funny, but they're just not as good when you're watching them by yourself.

But something struck me from that episode. I've heard it dozens of times before, but hearing it this time really hit me. Dr. Kelso said, "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

It's made me introspective about my current situation. There are a few people who really know what's going on in my life right now - most don't. But suffice it to say, life is not easy for me right now. In fact, it's incredibly hard. I don't say that to get sympathy. I say that because I recognize that what I want is worth having, and I shouldn't be surprised that it hasn't been handed to me on a silver platter. That's not the way life is.

Love is Never Wasted

2008-06-20T00:05:00.001-06:00

I'd like to start off by saying that I apologize if anyone who reads this is hurt by it. I am not upset - that's not the reason I am writing this.

Living in Provo can be fun, but it also has its downsides. One of those is that everyone wants to know everything about your dating life. I'm not immune from it either - no one really is. It's a cultural thing. And facebook has somehow played into all that. People see your status message, or your relationship status, or whatever, and assume that you want everyone to comment on it. Technically, we all know that all our friends can see it, but sometimes, maybe we only put it up for one person to read. We could care less if anyone else saw it, and would prefer they just ignore it. That's happened to me, and I'm sure I've been guilty doing it to others in many instances.

And no matter where you go in Provo, people ask you how your love life is. But you know what? If anything exciting happened, like you got married or engaged, that'd probably be one of the things that would naturally come up in a conversation. You don't have to force things like that. And if s/he just went through a breakup or something, do you really want to bring that up? Probably best for everyone to just ask how things are going.

Point is, I said goodbye today to my girlfriend of about a year and a half. She's going home for the rest of the summer, and we don't know what's going to happen from here. That's all. Normally I wouldn't say anything about this - I like to play things close to the vest - but I'd rather not have people constantly asking me about it.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend today online. A girl I haven't really talked to in a long time - we were in a play together almost two years ago. She's only 16 years old, but she was the best person I could have talked to today. She, like everyone around here, asked me about my girlfriend. But for some reason, I was completely open with her about my whole situation. She made it easy, because she didn't judge me or offer me any counsel or advice, and she didn't offer her own commentary on the situation. She just listened. And it was exactly what I needed. In the course of our conversation, she said something to me that amazed me that it came from someone her age.

She said, "I think it is so cute that you love her [my girlfriend] so much. You LOVE her... I think love is unselfish. You don't love someone to get love back...you love them because you care about them so much you love who they are. You love THEM."

Then she asked if that was cheesy. And I can honestly say it's not. It's a true statement, because love is selfless. A wise man once said this statement, after which I will make an end of my writings. He said:

"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity."

So...Where Are You From?

2008-06-13T19:43:00.001-06:00

I can't really say that I "grew up" anywhere. I've moved around so much that I still have a hard time telling people "where I'm from" (which I know is bad grammar, but I know the rule, so I'm allowed to break it). As evidence of this non-growing-up-in-one-particular-place-itude, I currently have a Washington driver's license, Oregon license plates, and I live in Utah (don't tell the DMV).

My parents met, dated, and got married in Portland, Oregon, where I was born. I am the oldest of five kids, and the only one born in Portland. Because of the economic situation, my family briefly moved to Utah so my dad could go to school, but quickly got the heck out of there and back to the Pacific Northwest, when my dad took a job in Washington.

When we moved, I was almost four years old. Shortly afterwards, my baby sister was born. Then my little brother, and then my dad got job with a new company, which required us to move to Oregon. Over the next 11 years, we moved four more times and ended up back in Washington. By that time I was 18, and moved to Utah for school, back to Washington, to England for a mission, back to Washington, then back to Utah, where I've been (more or less) for the last four years. In the meantime, my family came full circle and moved back to Portland.

Now, if you've made it past my family's moving history to this point, thank you for sticking in there. But the point I'm trying to make here is this: I never grew up anywhere. I don't know what it's like to have lived in the same house my whole life. I don't get those kids who have such an incredibly hard time their first year of college, being away from their hometown. I don't understand the desire some people have of never wanting to leave home and who live in the same neighborhood as their parents and grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles. But that's because I've never had a hometown. I don't understand what a hometown is.

Sometimes my sister and I will say something about how we didn't grow up in one particular place when my dad is around. Then he'll start to get defensive about it, saying that if we hadn't moved, that Taylor and I wouldn't have had the opportunities that we do, etc. We try to calm him down and tell him to relax. Because we agree with him - we know that. We understand. And the thing is, we're not complaining about it. In fact, we're glad to have moved around like we did.

Personally, I'm glad that there's no one in my family's ward who feels comfortable enough at Christmastime, simply because I've grown up in the ward (regardless of whether or not they know me that well), to say something to me about how I should be married by now. I like going home and getting lost trying to get to my house, simply because I've never driven that way before. And I like that when I go home, I go home to see my family.

Maybe I've never had many close friends because of that, but I'm okay with that. Because what I learned, growing up in Mantec-Kinley-Spring-Port-Belling-land, was so much better than making a friend or two along the way. I learned that the most important part of life is family. And I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that.

I'm no Superman

2008-06-03T00:51:00.000-06:00

How do you make sure that you have a good relationship?

My girlfriend and I are big fans of the TV show Scrubs, and she recently bought the first season, so we’ve been watching it a lot in the evenings. I recently wrote a blog entry berating sitcoms, but Scrubs is not your typical sitcom. It is funny, but deep at the same time, which is an amazing feat for a half hour TV show. Although it is absolutely hilarious, it also manages to teach something about human emotions every time.

One of the episodes we watched really struck some kind of chord with me. It was about Elliot and JD’s brief relationship. How it started so amazingly, then spiraled downhill and finally ended…badly. Throughout the show, there are clips of the doctors talking to a psychologist. After their relationship ends, Elliot is talking to the shrink and says something about relationships.

“But, relationships.... I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That--that, even when things got hard...that they were easy. I don't get that at all, you know?”

Dr. Cox is probably my favorite character – he always has some good insight.

“Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky. One of them will say something.”

I can honestly say that I used to be like Elliot. I always thought that relationships would be easy if they were “right,” whatever that means. But I’ve learned, as Dr. Cox did, that the difference between a good relationship that works and a good relationship that doesn’t, is that in the relationship that works, someone will fight for it. There is at least one person who wants it so bad that he or she will contend for that relationship.

Couples aren’t always both working equally for the relationship to work. Sometimes, someone has to pull the other. She’s willing to pull him for a little while, so long as he doesn’t drag his feet too long. And sometimes, maybe down the line, he will have to pull her until she can pick up her feet and start walking. But as long as one person is still pushing for the relationship to work, it’s possible. But if it takes too long for him to pick up his feet, she gets too tired, and they both sit down. Or if they both get tired at the same time, but neither is selfless enough to stand up and pull the other back up, the relationship is over.

I was going to go off on something about married couples talking to other people about their relationship issues, or mentioning faults of their spouses to others, which I think is retarded and a sure road to marital problems, but I’ll save that for another blog. For now, I’ll just leave you with this bit of wisdom.

No matter how good your relationship is now, there is going to come a time when you’re going to have to make a decision to either fight for it or to give it up entirely. Now here’s the bit of wisdom. No matter what she says or does – even if she gives up on the relationship – you can’t give up. You fight for that relationship with all you have in you, and then some. Because if you give up without a fight, that tells us something about you and the weakness of your character. But not only that – it also tells us that she wasn’t really worth it to you anyway.

--
I can’t do this all on my own. No – I know I’m no Superman.

Ten Years

2008-05-21T00:55:00.000-06:00

Brother Landen dropped me off that morning after seminary. I remember walking up the front walkway towards the main entrance to the high school, just off to another day of school. As I approached the gate, with the office on my right, I suddenly saw students begin running out of the cafeteria through the side door, coming my direction.

I was very confused and not sure how to take it. I tried to find out by saying, “What’s going on?” “What happened?” A kid I’d never seen before (and never have again) exclaimed, as he moved along with the crowd, “Someone’s shooting!”

I don’t think it sunk in right then – it didn’t seem real. But then I heard a loud gunshot, and I turned around and ran with the crowd toward the street. We stood beyond the school gates, a huge mass huddled together, until a teacher beckoned us to come back. He ushered us through the main gate and to the right, past the main office and across the quad from the cafeteria to the library. Dozens of students were in there, and we were all confused as to what was going on. My friend Ben’s girlfriend Shy came up to me with tears running down her face, saying she’d heard that Ben was shot in the head. Nothing was real to me – I tried just to comfort her, telling her I was sure he’d be okay. He wasn’t – he died in the hospital later.

No one really had cell phones back then. The school officials in the library with us let us use a phone at the back of the library if we wanted. When it wasn’t so crowded, I made my way toward it and used it to call my family, but the line wasn’t working. I realized that the lines around this area were likely very crowded with phone calls, so after several attempts, I called my dad at work. My dad’s secretary answered and said he wasn’t there. I told her it was me, and told her that I was okay. I realized later that that was the best thing I could do for all of my extended family, because when they couldn’t get through to my house, they called my dad’s office, and his secretary would tell them I was fine.

My parents probably had to wait longer to know that. They were taking my little sister to middle school when they saw everything near the high school. They drove her to school and dropped her off, then headed back to the school. They parked somewhere and stood across the street from the school at the church with other parents. At some point, a police officer read a list of names, and asked for the parents of those children to come talk to him afterwards. My dad told me he was standing with my seminary teacher’s husband when they read the list, and neither mine, Taylor’s, nor Lacy’s names were read. Brother Stockwell put his arm around Dad as they both cried.

After what seemed like forever, we were finally informed we were going to be leaving. We exited the library through the back door instead of the door that faced the cafeteria, and joined with hundreds of other students who were being let out of their classrooms where they had also been locked down. I wondered if my parents would be there. We walked the entire length of the hallway before we got to the parking lot on the other end of the school. Right when we got to the opening, I saw my parents standing there. I only remember their faces being so relieved, and my dad crying as he swept me up in his arms. I’d never seen him cry before, and I knew then that I would never in my life need to doubt his love for me. My mom was crying too, of course. She hugged me too, and we walked to the car and drove home. I don’t even remember where they parked it.

In the aftermath, I watched the news, I read the newspaper – things I had never really done before. I listened to national news anchors mispronounce words like Willamette, and I read about how my friend, Ben Walker, had died. I learned of how people I knew, and people I eventually met and became friends with in the years that followed, had been injured or killed. I went to Ben’s funeral. I visited the wall of flowers that, until the shootings, had just been the fence in front of the school. I watched my father help one of my friend’s dad give a blessing to her. I talked in my seminary class with a reporter from the New Era. And I continued on with my life.

I finished high school. My family moved – to Washington, then six years later to Portland. I served an LDS mission to the south of England for two years. I went to college. I graduated from college. And now I’m 25 years old, living in Utah and working for a market research firm. But in the last 10 years, I haven’t forgotten what happened on that day – and it is still one of my most vivid memories.

Please remember the families of Ben Walker and Mikael Nicholauson, as well as Kristin Kinkel (Kip killed their parents), in your prayers. And good luck to all the survivors of the Thurston High School shootings. But not just those injured – the community members of Springfield, Ore. are also survivors.

----
Here are links to several recent articles about the shooting:

The Thurston Shootings
THS Tragedy Unfolded 10 Years Ago
For Many, Shootings Are A Distant Memory
For Survivors, Healing, Forgiveness, Moving On
Thurston High Shootings 10 Years Later

Television

2008-05-15T00:19:00.000-06:00

I am not the biggest fan of sitcoms. I hate that the plots are so weak, and that all they go for is the cheap laugh. It seems sitcoms are actually getting worse nowadays, if that’s even possible. The comedy is so lowbrow that it makes you feel disgusted with yourself when you finally manage to peel yourself off the couch and jumpstart your brain. You wonder where the evening went, and why you didn’t engage yourself in something more worthwhile.

I recently read an article recently about sitcoms, and how they are wasting America’s time. But not only their time, but their brain power. The article goes on to say that Americans spend 200 billion hours a year just watching TV. It also mentions in comparison, that Wikipedia took approximately 100 million hours to get to where it is now. Think about all that ingenuity and intelligence and research (come on – some of Wikipedia is reputable) that went in to making that glorious, informative web site. And at only a tiny fraction of the time we waste mindlessly watching TV (0.05%, to be exact).

Now on a personal note, I enjoy watching Law & Order. This likely comes as no surprise to my girlfriend, my family, or close associates. This show is different from most shows – it makes you think, it engages you. And yes, it may be a little dramatic, but at least the situations are somewhat more realistic than shows such as CSI.

Is it predictable? Yes. Is it the same format every time? Yes. But is it more interesting and entertaining than a sitcom? Also, yes.

I think that I also relate to the main character – most often, my ideas and thoughts are the same or similar to Jack McCoy’s. I cheer for him every time he gets the bad guy, or argues with his boss over ethics, or disagrees time and time again with his incredibly liberal (and apparently homosexual – as taken from her last episode on the show, although that kind of came as a shocker to everyone else) one-time partner. I can’t even remember her name – she was the blond chick who was always freaking out about something.

But you become connected to the issues. My girlfriend says I get really involved in it. But how can you not? The show is charged with issues: political, ethical, moral, legal. You can’t help but get involved in them.

Anyway, my suggestion to all of you? Stop watching sitcoms and watch Law & Order reruns.

Josef Frizl - Truly a Monster

2008-05-09T21:23:00.000-06:00

Oh – poor baby. Josef Fritzl, the Austrian man who imprisoned his daughter and several of their children in his cellar for 24 years, feels the media coverage has been too one-sided about him.

“Without me [she] would not be alive anymore... I was the one who made sure that she was taken to a hospital,” Mr. Fritzl said. “I could have killed all of them – then nothing would have happened. No one would have ever known about it,” he added. “I'm no monster.”

Let’s see here. You lock up your daughter in a cellar and tell people she’s run away, rape her who knows how many times, have seven children with her, keeping three of them locked up in the cellar with her and incinerating the body of one who died so as to destroy any evidence, threaten to gas them if they try anything, and live a two-faced double life.

You were a sex-offender already – convicted of rape. You frequented a brothel, where all of the prostitutes were afraid of you, because you wanted them to pretend to be corpses when you had sex with them. And your daughter, Elisabeth, whom you locked up when she was 18, says you began to sexually abuse her when she was only 11 years old.

Yet you say that at least you didn’t kill them – and you’re not a monster, because you brought your daughter flowers, and you brought your children, the products of your incest, books and stuffed animals.

Now, your lawyer claims you’re insane, and is trying to get a certificate of insanity for you. Now I’m not a psychologist, but someone who has the presence of mind to know what they’re doing is wrong is not insane. “I constantly knew, over the entire 24 years, that what I did was not right,” Fritzl was quoted as saying. He also said he had an addiction – but having an addiction does not excuse one’s actions.

Here is my response to you, Josef Frizl: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

You will burn for this, Mr. Fritzl. I hope that God grants you mercy, but only after you endure horrible pains for your sins. Of all sins, rape is the most abhorrent to me, and it is my opinion that you should receive capital punishment. Rapists, especially those that sexually abuse children, should be castrated and/or sentenced to death. You’ve not only raped once, but countless times, and there is undeniable proof that you did. You also sexually abused a child – and not just any child, but one whose trust you should have guarded – your own. In some criminal cases there are gray areas, but not in yours. Yours is open and shut. You deserve to die, and you need to, to begin paying for your crimes, you evil, evil man.

Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Reproduce

2008-04-30T19:04:00.000-06:00

Not to draw undue attention to my friend, who recently wrote a blog about dating, but she draws attention to herself all the time anyway, so I don't feel bad about it. :)

Now, this girl made a bet with her mom that she could date 100 different boys before she got married (date in the loosest sense of the word - she had to go out with 100 guys - so at least 100 first dates). Something like a real-life 50 First Dates (I haven't seen that movie, and I don't think I'm drawing a correct parallel, but it sounded good in my head).

Anyway, so when she made this bet, her mom must have been over the moon with happiness, because she knew her daughter was not going to get married her freshman year (did any of you even KNOW 100 different people your freshman year?). Now, 100 first dates, 41 (at least) second dates, and 10 "relationships" (as per her stats in her blog entry) later, she's graduated from BYU. Not married, not engaged, but now she has all these character traits in her head that she likes, each from a different one of the 100. Unfortunately, not one of them happens to have it all.

Her words: "...there does come a point when you have to realize that no one is perfect!!! Including me!!! So why am I still holding out, expecting to find it? Why do I keep walking away from incredible guys again and again?"

Now comes my opinion. I don't think it's her mother's bet that's the problem (entirely). I do think it plays a role. But there seems to be a general consensus among young, single, LDS adults - particularly BYU students - that we need perfection in a spouse.

Now, I'll tell you why I think this problem is exacerbated at BYU in particular. The reason is the dating culture. You probably think I mean the dating vs. hanging out bit, that Elder Oaks spoke of, but that's what I mean. Sure, that's a problem, and will always be an issue. But the problem I see at BYU is that everyone is too good. Now I don't mean their morals are too good - you should always be true to your personal values and beliefs.

Allow me to illustrate.

Remember home? That place where you were the only Eagle Scout in your high school? The place where you were always asked to play the piano at ward functions? You were valedictorian and captain of the cheerleading squad. You were popular, you were friends with everyone, you were amazing! But here at BYU, you can barely maintain a C+ average, you have no time for extracurricular activities, hardly anyone knows you, and to top it all off, you realized that absolutely EVERYONE here plays the piano...better than you.

So you try hard to be even better than your best...because your best isn't good enough anymore. And you begin to expect more from people - particularly the people you date. But not more in the good sense of the word - you've always expected your future spouse would be strong in the gospel, would be a good mother or father, faithful to you, true to his/her convictions. But now you expect him to play the guitar and write you songs. You expect her to wear trendy, cute clothes, sing, and go snowboarding with you. In other words, you begin to expect all kinds of things that you didn't expect before.

Now, new expectations alone aren't bad. The problem arises when your list gets so incredibly long that you become inflexible, and every item on the list becomes an essential. You have to remember that no one will have all the qualities and traits you want. The difficulty is selecting the few, most important ones you can't live without. This may sound like common sense to many of you out there, but trust me - in Provo, it's not.

BYU has conditioned us to think that there will be someone a little better just around the bend. Someone with more of the qualities you want. But here is my unsolicited advice - you need to get over it and realize that person does not exist. Instead, find someone who fits you, someone you can talk to, someone you enjoy being with, someone with personal potential (because you marry who they can become), someone you can love. And don't dismiss them right away because you think they're not a perfect fit. First impressions are not always right. And if you're not careful, remember that you might just look around the next bend and find there isn't ANYone there.

Death to the Malt Shoppe

2008-04-04T21:58:00.001-06:00

Now, some of you may disagree with the title of my entry. But let me tell you, I'm quite ticked off at the Malt Shoppe. Let me start off with the little reasons.

Their food isn't that great, and their burgers are too small.

Their cheese fries don't have enough cheese, and they are often overdone.

Their service SUCKS, and it takes absolutely forever to get any food.

Their restaurant just feels filthy inside.

But all of that isn't that bad. It's a greasy spoon, 50s-esque diner (albeit not a very good one). I mean, I ate there just the other night. Their being a lousy restaurant isn't enough for me to want to destroy them. So--what is, you ask?

Their parking situation. Did any of you notice the new signs up there, saying you can park in the parking lot if you're going to the Malt Shoppe or Panda Express, but not if you're going to Pita Pit? Yeah - me neither. So we got towed today. Parked there for about 20 minutes, ate food, came out and the car was gone. What the HELL is with that?

So what to do? You walk 10 blocks to where they parked your stolen car and pay $135 to the vultures to get it back, getting back to work late, having to stay an extra hour to make up for lost time. Ridiculous? Yes.

Why do they like screwing people over? Was the Malt Shoppe just jealous, because they didn't have any customers, so they decided to tow someone else's? Besides, how do they even know who to tow? Is business so slow that they can follow people around to the other restaurants to see where they go? Did they not realize that unless you're in downtown Manhattan, that's a bad business practice? Cuz I sure as hell am NEVER eating at the Malt Shoppe again. And I'm planning on badmouthing them to absolutely any and everyone who ever cares to listen to me about it. Not only that - I very well may write a few letters to the editors of local papers. And I write well - I'll probably be published. This crappy establishment just lost a lot more business than they bargained for.

But where do we go for good, greasy burgers now, Adam? Leatherby's closed down! Well, let me tell you. Stan's. That's right - Stan's, over across from Gold's Gym in Provo. It's cleaner, cheaper, better priced, and their service is better. Oh, did I mention that Stan's Drive-In does NOT have any complaints to the better business bureau about advertising claims or practices that misrepresent their service or product offer? Nope - they don't. But guess who does? The Malt Shoppe. Surprise.

Moral of the story? Eat at Stan's! It's better, and they don't try to screw people over! Located at 525 N. 900 E.

I also welcome your comments about getting screwed over by immoral business practices.

--
Malt Shoppe delendo est

I'll Just Make This Easy For You

2008-03-05T18:24:00.000-07:00

Whenever I hear those words at work, I cringe. Because I know exactly what that means. For those of you who have never been to my restaurant at lunchtime, allow me to translate.

"I'll just make this easy for you" equals, "I'll just have a water, with the soup, salad and breadsticks."

Now, maybe for some of you that sounds easy. Not for me. Let me explain. Soup, salad and breadsticks is not done by anyone in the kitchen. It's done by me - the server. I make your salad. I get your breadsticks. I pour your soup. I get your drinks. And then I run back and forth, bringing out 50 more bowls of soup, 25 more salads, and 18 more baskets of breadsticks for you, only to have you show me your gratitude with a $0.62 tip.

So please, don't make things "easy" on me. Make it difficult - please. I would love to have to work incredibly hard to get you your one entree and one or maybe two bowls of soup or salad that you'll eat along with it. Please - make me earn that 5% tip.

Look alike

2008-03-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

On occasion, I've had people tell me I look like some famous person. There are a couple that I get consistently. The first was Pippin (Billy Boyd) off the Lord of the Rings movies. I think a big part of that was that my hair used to be long, although I've still gotten it since cutting my hair short.

Number two was the guy from the movie The Invisible (Justin Chatwin). I had a lot of people tell me I looked like that guy, although I also think it had something to do with the hair.

And then there's one more. This is the one I get most consistently. Last week at work, even, I had three different guests tell me that I looked like this guy: Edward Norton (The Italian Job, The Illusionist).

Now, I don't know if these actors and I share a common likeness or not. I mean, the myheritage.com thing told me I look like Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Perry, Bob Saget and Haley Joel Osment. But heck - I dunno. Let's hear your opinions.

Tipping (and not of cows)

2008-03-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

Before becoming a server, I wasn't the best tipper in the world. In fact, my girlfriend told me a story yesterday about one time when we went to dinner and the guy who served us knew her. After we left, he essentially told her how I was a lousy tipper and that she shouldn't have anything to do with me as a result. In all honesty, I don't know what I left him, but I can proudly state that I have since become a better tipper.

Now, I'm not going to judge those people who don't tip well. They likely don't know, as I didn't. That nice couple with a baby the other night who left me NO tip, or those girls at lunch who order never-ending soup, salad and breadsticks, making me run around constantly and who consistently leave me $1.00 tips, or even the girl yesterday who left me $0.61. I think a lot of people just don't understand that one of the rules of dining out at a real restaurant (aka not McDonald's) is that you are supposed to tip your server.

Many people (even my dad until I told him recently) don't know how much servers make. Take a wild guess. Most people say "minimum wage." Wrong. Want to know what I make an hour? $2.16.

That's right - I only make two bucks an hour, and the rest of my salary is made up from tips. Ever wonder why there's a gratuity added on to parties of eight or more? Because sometimes people won't tip unless it's added into the bill. People keep asking the waiter for more stuff, making them run back into the kitchen time and time again, and then leave their thanks in the form of sixty-one cents tacked onto the bill.

And at Olive Garden, it's even worse. In order to guarantee people receive good service, as per company policy, servers are only allowed to serve three tables at a time (at many restaurants, servers often have 5 or 6 or even more tables). That makes sense at the OG. At other restaurants, you only take their order and bring out their drinks and (maybe) their meal - often someone else even does that for them. Those restaurants don't have the revolving salad and breadsticks that the OG has, which requires more running back to the kitchen. Now, this higher level of service (the server will even always try to be the one who brings out your food, unlike other restaurants) should translate into higher tips...but it doesn't. Especially in Provo.

The common law of tipping is 15%. Not 10%. Not $5 regardless of the size of the check (my friend got a $5 tip on a $100 bill yesterday). Tip generously - especially if you received great service. In Provo, remember that the people serving you are often poor college students, just like you. If you can't afford to leave a generous tip (at least 15%), don't go out to eat. Go to McDonald's. And definitely do not insult the server by telling them their service was only worth about sixty-two cents. They're working hard to ensure you enjoy your dining experience.

Ramblings - Only Read if You Really Want

2008-02-28T20:52:00.000-07:00

Welp, I have a job. Like, a big person job. Like, salaried and everything. Crazy, huh? I was just hired and I start March 11. I'm really excited and happy about it. And...it was my half-birthday yesterday. How come we don't really celebrate those? I'm 25.5 years old. I think that's at least worth a cake or something.

Priestly World Cup

2008-02-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the Vatican decided its priests need a little bit of recreation.

I was driving and listening the the BBC world report, when along came a little story about Catholic priests playing football (soccer to you Americans) in an organized Catholic league. I found a much abbreviated story on the BBC web site here. But it was a good story. What I found most interesting about it was that the clergy are somewhat surprised at the presence, even among priests, of - shall we say - unsportsmanlike conduct on the football pitch. I guess they assumed priests should be immune from the anger that can often follow organized, competitive sports.

This should be no surprise to anyone who has ever experienced LDS "church basketball," where somehow, the spirit of competition and the spirit of contention are often intertwined.

Good luck, Catholic church, as you strive for good sportsmanship and unity among your priests - even if it is in a sport as notorious for bad behavior as football.

Utah Drivers - justified?

2008-02-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

I am firmly of the mindset that Utah drivers are among the worst in the world. Many Utah drivers would say it's not really Utahns making the roads scary - it's all the out-of-state drivers who are living in the area. I do admit, the idiotic girl doing her makeup in the left lane the other day was from out of state, but I still don't buy it.

I drove in London, England, for 7 months. Opposite sides of the road, tiny cars and tiny roads, high speeds, roundabouts, etc. But never was I frightened for my life until I visited Utah after my mission and drove the freeway from Salt Lake to Provo. People whizzing by on the right - I felt like I was back in England. I was even talking to one friend from Utah and mentioned the fact that it's actually illegal to pass on the right. She was genuinely surprised!

But despite all that, let me make a fantastic statement - it's not the crazy Utah drivers that people always complain about who are the most dangerous ones on the road. Who is it? The slow Utah drivers who are in the left lane.

Why, you ask? Because they're the reason Utahns have adapted to the way they drive. For some reason, old people, people on cell phones, people using the rear view mirror to do their makeup while driving - they all think the left lane is for traveling. It's NOT! It is for PASSING! Everyone in every other state in the union knows that! (I think New Yorkers know it too, but they choose to ignore it...and most every other traffic law anyway. I could write another blog just on my cab ride from JFK airport to Manhattan.)

But these Utah drivers have got it in their head that they can travel in any lane they want, regardless of their speed. This is simply not true. If you're not the fastest car on the road, you do not get in the left lane unless you're faster than another car in your lane - it's that simple. You use the left lane to PASS. That's why it's called the PASSING LANE.

So why do Utahns drive as they do, passing on the right at high speeds? Plain truth of the matter is, they have to if they want to get past Grandma in the left lane who's talking on her cell phone and going 60 in a 65. Cuz Grandma sure isn't paying any attention to anyone behind or beside her, and isn't going to budge til she's 200 feet from her exit, when she might look to the right and might signal before crossing 4 lanes of traffic to make her offramp. I once followed someone at very close proximity, going 55-57 mph (in a 65), hoping he would move over so I wouldn't have to break the law and pass on the right like everyone behind me was doing. Nope - after about 10 minutes of this, I gave in and did it.

Moral of the story - passing on the right is illegal, but until we can educate Utahns on proper driving rules, sometimes it's a necessary illegality here in Utah.

Just Your Heart

2008-02-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

There's a movie I really like - it's hilarious but can be really deep at parts. It's called Stardust, and one of my favorite scenes is the monologue Yvaine gives to Tristan, after he's been turned into a rat. She doesn't think he can understand her, so she's less inhibited in what she says (isn't that how we all are?). Here's what she says.

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it...centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again.

"But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.

"Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

What do we expect in love? Do we expect others to prove their love for us? I hope not, but can we ask for a little confirmation that they love us in return? So we know our heart hasn't been given in vain? Is that okay? In the movie Across the Universe, the main girl sings a song about the main guy, telling him that she wants to be in love with him, but she's been in love before and is worried... here's what the lyrics are (all the songs in this movie are Beatles songs, by the way):

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

Kinda sad, but I think when your heart has been broken before, it tends to make you more cautious, and you want more of a reassurance that it's going to be better this time. But ultimately, if you truly love someone, you feel like Yvaine did.

"And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

I swear to drunk, I'm not God.

2008-02-14T01:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so...don't turn left out of the drop off on the east side of the Wilkinson Center. You might get pulled over. How do I know? Well, I did it, and got pulled over. Interesting experience, as I had no idea why it was happening.

Anyway, so the cop takes my license and registration and asks if I know why I was pulled over. I of course tell him no - he informs me that I made an illegal left turn out of the Wilk parking lot, and asks also for my BYU ID, even though I'd informed him I was no longer a student (still don't know why he wanted it).

So he takes forEVER to get it done, and finally comes back and asks if I have any Provo tickets I haven't taken care of. I say no, and he tells me I have a warrant out for my arrest!!!

Of course at this point I start freaking out and asking why. I mean, what the heck?! So after a few seconds of this and him grilling me, he says, "Oh, but it's not April," and winks at my girlfriend (who is in the passenger seat) while handing back my license, ID and registration.

"Oh, that's harsh. That's just rough." We all start laughing. But he said he did that since he wasn't going to give me the $50 fine. You got me, Mr. Police Officer, sir. I swear, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Curse that Groundhog

2008-02-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today. Six more weeks of winter weather before the advent of spring. Dangit.

Now, why in the heck do we turn our winter weather prediction over to a little, fuzzy animal? That's what I want to know. Doesn't that seem a little ridiculous to any of you? Well, I figured out where the tradition came from, actually, by doing a brief internet search (what did we do before the advent of the world wide web, anyway?).

According to an old German superstition (central Pennsylvania was originally colonized by Germans), if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Candlemas, there will be six more months of winter. If the animal doesn't see its shadow, there will be an "early" spring.

So....if it's sunny and it can see his shadow (aka spring-like conditions), we'll have more winter. If it's cloudy and it can't see his shadow (aka winter conditions), we'll have an early spring. My question for my German friends is this: are all your traditions counter-intuitive like this? Seems pretty retarded to me.

Oh well - I guess if this prediction holds true, it means I'll actually get a chance to go skiing this season, since I haven't had any money to do so yet. But people come on - let's turn the weather predicting over to the professionals, not a furry rodent, no matter how cute it may be.

A Touching Tribute

2008-02-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

I know that many of my faith will have similar feelings today, and many will even write similar blogs to the one I am about to write, on the day of the funeral of President Gordon Bitner Hinckley. It was a touching tribute to the man whose life touched so many. As the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the last 12+ years, one third of the current members of the church were baptised since he became the prophet.

Bishop Burton mentioned the things which the presidents of the church are remembered for. President Benson is remembered for his warnings of pride and his counsel to remember the Book of Mormon. President Hunter is remembered for his counsel on temple worthiness. Once President Hinckley was asked what he thought he would be remembered for. He said, "I'm afraid I will be remembered as the prophet who no one listened to."

I hope we don't forget what he taught us. I hope we take it to heart and actually apply his counsel to our lives. President Hinckley is the prophet of my youth. He has been the prophet since I was old enough to be in the "youth" program.

But I'm not sad - I am grateful that President Hinckley has entered into his rest. Peace be with him and with his family.

If You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life...

2008-02-01T12:56:00.001-07:00

...Never make a pretty woman your wife

One of my favorite songs, performed by Jimmy Soul - I think it's hilarious. Anyway, I just thought I'd share a funny anecdote about it.

One time my whole family was in the Suburban, driving around, and this song came on the radio. Of course, we all know it, and we were all singing along. At the end of the song, my mom turned to my dad and asked, "Are you happy?"

"I'm miserable."

Genius, Dad. Pure genius.

Children

2008-01-29T13:52:00.001-07:00

Let me begin by saying that this is an incredibly dangerous topic about which to write, but I'm going to risk it. And let me just say, yes - your baby is adorable. And yes, I may be lying.

Let me explain.

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of, all babies are beautiful. While this is a nice saying that makes everyone get warm fuzzies inside, it is actually a lie, perpetuated by nearly all women, to make mothers of unattractive babies feel better.

Let's face it - there are some ugly babies out there. Now, some people would genuinely argue with me and say, "No there aren't! All babies are beautiful!" I would venture to say that these individuals are the kinds of people who see the beauty in everyone. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't look for the inner beauty of each individual we meet. In fact, I'm strongly opposed to people being judged solely on physical appearance. But let's be honest with ourselves - there are some people out there who are physically unattractive. And think about it - if all babies are beautiful, where do ugly adults come from? Did they completely change from being beautiful to being ugly simply by growing up? Maybe. But not likely.

All I'm saying is that there are some physically unattractive babies in the world, and people need to publicly acknowledge the fact. Yes, all babies are precious gifts from God, and it's amazing to see new life created that is so fresh and innocent, but we needn't go so far as to say the kid is adorable, beautiful, pretty, or the most attractive baby we've ever seen...unless we mean it.

That having been said, I will wax hypocritical and return to my original comment: yes, your baby is adorable... But please don't ask me to elaborate.

That's Life

2008-01-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

I got two letters today. One was tax information from my former employer: the agency I did my PR internship with. I originally thought I was going to be offered a job with them, but didn't get it. As a matter of fact, they even originally said they were going to offer it to me, then changed their minds. That was disappointing the first time, and continues to be disappointing when I think about it.

The other letter was from an organization I interviewed with for a PR position. They said thank you - you're great and all - just not great enough. And so, I am still a college graduate with no occupation and no career interviews pending. But eventually I'm sure I'll find something.

I've also found out recently about several friends from my mission / other church-related acquaintances, who have decided to leave the church, and/or who are not living in accordance with the principles of the gospel anymore. It's really hard to know that they should choose to take their lives in different directions, but all I can do is continue to love them and support them, and hope and pray they will come back to the church.

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May

But despite all the seemingly negative things around me, my mind is called back to the good things. I remember how much family and friends love me and want to see me succeed. I remember that I'm going to be employed shortly - not in my dream career job, but at least in something that will help me pay the bills and enable me to keep looking for that dream job. I remember that I'm doing my best to stay strong in my faith, to remember the atonement of my Savior. I remember how wonderful I felt last night reading the Book of Mormon. I remember that no matter how bad life seems sometimes, there's always a way out. And as long as I focus on what I can control instead on what I cannot, I will be happy and successful, and things will work out. Maybe not necessarily as I expected, but I know it will be good.

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

It will work out - I know that. And that's life.

Growing Up

2008-01-11T02:11:00.000-07:00

I decided to write this after the fact, when I'm not in the heat of the moment, because I'm usually more coherent and understandable when I do it that way.

Anyway, here's what happened. I freaked out last night about growing up. Really - I freaked out. Me. Mister I -Have-It-All-Figured-Out-And-Don't-Worry- About-Anything-To-Do-With My-Future, freaked out. I don't think you understand the magnitude we're dealing with here. This last August, I didn't have anywhere to live for the fall (and was getting kicked out of my apartment in a couple weeks) and didn't yet have an internship secured for that semester, which was starting in September. Wait - no - not hadn't secured one yet - hadn't even started looking for one yet. Did I care? Was I worried? Nope. I was as cool as a cucumber. And I got an internship and picked an apartment complex in the space of about a week or so. Piece of cake.

But here's what's happened. I graduated. My parents told me long ago, graduation would be the cut-off point for assistance (luckily they're giving me a loan for the time being). Now I have a rent payment, a car payment, a cell phone payment, and the need for the basic necessities of life every month, but no money coming in with which to pay for said expenses. So I'm in debt for the first time in my life (to my parents, but still), and I have no job and no current prospects for one. I've applied for several this week, but of course nothing so far.

Oh, and to top it all off, I'm sick again. It seems like this happens right before I head back for Utah. If it has to happen, couldn't it happen at the beginning of break when my mom could take care of me? Lame.

After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot,
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
-Jamie Cullum, "Twentysomething"

Heroes

2008-01-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

While driving back to Portland from Medford last week, I listened to the Focus on the Family Ministry. I'm not sure if that's what the station was called, or if it was a radio show on a local Christian radio station or something. But I heard some interesting things about marriage.

The host had on a couple who had written a book about marriage and how to keep your marriage alive, loving, etc. They had some really good insight into male and female psyche, and why we say or do certain things. One particularly interesting point for me was that when a woman asks her husband of 20 years, "Do these make me look fat?" she isn't really asking that question. What she really wants and needs is validation (as we all do) that even though she's gotten older, had a couple kids, maybe put on some weight...in other words, that she's changed from how she looked when she was a new bride...that even though she looks different, that her husband still loves her and is still attracted to her. She wants to know that he still thinks she's the most beautiful thing he ever laid eyes on. It's not so much a matter of wondering if she really looks fat in those jeans (although I'm sure there is some element of that) - it's more a question of, "Do you still love me?"

Another thing mentioned in the show was that many women were surveyed about what they want their husbands to know. The couple on the radio show said they figured they would get a long laundry list of things their husbands needed to do better. Instead, most women said, "I want him to know that even though he doesn't feel like he does enough or is good enough, I just want him to know that he really is my hero."

A hero.

An interesting word. I think a good definition of a hero is someone who does a brave or courageous deed, or is one who has noble qualities and serves as a model for others.

I hope that someday the woman I love can say that I am her hero.

They're getting their things over there...

2007-12-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

I am sick and tired...wait, strike that. Just tired. Yes, I'm tired of people who never learned basic grammar in elementary school. How difficult is it for people to use the words there, their, they're, your, and you're????

Whenever I see someone comment on a facebook photo with something like: "So-and-so, your awesome!" I want to say, "Your awesome what? Your awesome sense of fashion? Your awesome photo? Your awesome girlfriend?" Then I want to ask, "If that's what you meant, were you going to finish that sentence with, 'Your awesome girlfriend is hot?' Or maybe, 'Your awesome photo is...awesome?' Perhaps, 'Your awesome sense of fashion is the envy of everyone I know?'"

Whenever I see that all-too-common grammar mistake, my estimation of that person's intelligence drops...a lot. If you suffer from this problem, the correct word to use would have been the contraction "you're," not the possessive "your." i.e. "You're (you ARE) awesome."

Let's continue the grammar lesson.

There:
-location (either literal or figurative): "She is there now."
-used to introduce a sentence or clause in which the verb comes before its subject or has no complement: "There is no hope."

Their:
-a form of the possessive case of they, used as an attributive adjective, before a noun: "their home; their rights as citizens; their departure for Rome."

They're:
-contraction of the words they and are: they're (they are) going somewhere

And now for my exhortation: I could care less about your grammatic ability or lack thereof, but please please please learn how to use these basic words properly. Not only so I don't get annoyed with you, but so that you don't sound like an idiot in front of people who are a bit more important than me (potential future employers, professors, etc.).

There we are.

Slacking / Enchanted

2007-11-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not a horrible slacker. I just don't want to do this assignment. Unfortunately, this is my capstone course we're talking about. And this is a huge part of the final project. And I've had, oh, almost the whole semester to take care of this. Well, at least 3 1/2 weeks for this section, anyway.

But good news. I'm about to go out into the real world of work. I just had my second real interview, and was practically offered the job! We'll see what the next couple weeks bring - I have another interview on Tuesday with another firm. Woot!

Can I just say that my blogs are incredibly boring? My facebook notes used to be cool and interesting. But now...why would anyway want to read this? I sure wouldn't. So if you haven't gotten to this point, or if you give up now, I don't blame you. Maybe I should go back to facebook. Besides, I don't know if anyone reads this anyway. It's only linked on my facebook page - I haven't really told anyone that I'm blogging yet.

Okay - let me talk about the movie Enchanted. Incredible! My absolute favorite movie right now. Of course, then again, I'm a hopeless romantic. But I loved the story (careful - there may be spoilers ahead).

A cartoon girl (Giselle) falls hopelessly in love with a handsome prince and plans to marry him, but has a rude awakening when his evil stepmother tries to get rid of her. She ends up in a harsh, cruel, real world: New York. While she's waiting for her Prince Charming to come rescue her, she meets another handsome man (Robert) who has stopped believing in fairy tales and has grown somewhat cynical. She teaches him that happily ever after can still happen. But it's not one-sided - she grows up and learns from him too. They teach each other about love and what it really means to be in love / to love someone.

My favorite song from the movie is the one Giselle sings in the park, called "That's How You Know." In it, she teaches Robert how to show someone you love them:

Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is gray?
He'll find a new way to show you, a little bit everyday
That's how you know he's your love

Everybody wants to live happily ever after
Everybody wants to know their true love is true
How do you know he loves you?
How do you know he's yours?

Well does he take you out dancing just so he can hold you close?
Dedicate a song with words meant
Just for you?

He'll find his own way to tell you
With the little things he'll do
That's how you know
He's your love

Because he'll wear your favorite color
Just so he can match your eyes
Plan a private picnic
By the fire's glow

His heart will be yours forever
Something everyday will show
That's how you know
He's your love

They both need to learn from each other. Robert is much less romantic than Giselle (of course - she's a Disney cartoon living in the real world). When she tells him that she only met Edward (her prince) yesterday, and they were going to be married that day, he tells her that she needs to get to know him, go out on dates with him, find out who he is. So when Edward finds her, she is nervous about the situation and asks him to take her out on a date. And at the end, when it is suggested that Robert is Giselle's true love, he protests, saying he's only known her a few days, but gives in because he knows it's true.

It's a Disney movie with a happy ending, but not exactly the typical Disney happy ending. And I think I love it so much because it's my happy ending. It's what I want my happy ending to be.

I maintain

2007-11-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

cyn·i·cism (sĭn'ĭ-sĭz'əm) n. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others.

My dad calls me cynical. Maybe, as defined above, I am. But only on occasion. I do not, as he says, have an attitude of scornful negativity and general distrust of the integrity of others. I am actually a generally trusting person. I trust people automatically, unless they do something to betray my trust. If that happens, good luck getting it back.

I do feel there are a lot of stupid people in the world, though. As despair.com puts it so eloquently: there are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots. People who are self-righteous and feel they need to ensure everyone is doing what (they think) they're supposed to do...frustrate me. This is not really a good thing, because some of them are friends. And, there are a lot of said people in Provo, in which I reside.

I also dislike people like me - that is, there are traits about myself that I dislike. Having a girlfriend I am so close to and who will tell me the things I need to work on has helped me realize the things I need to work on. I dislike people who are bossy, who tell other people what to do (I do that). I dislike people who always have to be right (I'm working on that really hard, by the way).

Okay - now I am sounding like what I said I'm not: cynical. So I'll end this post. I do not have a negative view of life. In fact, I love life. I like being with people I care about. I'm not cynical. At least, I'm trying not to be.

Innaugural Blog

2007-11-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

So, I am a facebook-er and new to the world of blogs. But I figured I might as well start an official blog, as I have been writing "notes," as it were, on facebook for some time now.

Welp, here goes. I hope people will want to read my ramblings, but if not, my feelings won't be hurt. Don't worry.

Sincerely,
Adam R. Buchanan