Graduate School and Turning One

Holy cow - I haven't blogged in about 4 months. Sorry about that guys. But I have a bit of an excuse - well, at least for the past two months, anyway, because I'm in graduate school. And not just any graduate school, mind you. I'm in the Marriott School of Business at BYU, pursuing my MBA in Marketing. Wow, that's a mouthful, but I've gotten used to saying it. To be honest, talking about it kinda makes me feel like this guy:

I'm not that bad, though (I hope). This is a good example of how NOT to network, by the way. Anyway, so school is what takes up so much of my time these days. I have six core MBA classes that I have with the same section of people for every class. We are split into study groups of four or five students, and my group meets every day when we're not in class. We all have families and want to be able to be at home with them as much as possible, so we decided that we'd meet until 5 p.m. each day (like a job). We split up the readings and share them with each other during that time. It actually frees up time to work on other things, and is much more effective than all of us doing everything each day.

I'm also on the hunt for a summer internship, which is really what stresses me out right now. I'm working hard on interviewing skills, resume updating, applying for internships, etc. This coming week, I'm headed to Indianapolis for an MBA job conference, and have one interview lined up already (I wish I had more). Once I have a good internship lined up, I think I'll be able to rest a little easier. 

Also, at the beginning of this month we celebrated Scarlett's first birthday! She had refined sugar for the first time (she's had stuff with sugar in it like apple sauce or baby treats, but no candy or cake, etc.), and she loved it. Here's a picture of the sweet thing enjoying her cake:

All in all, it's been a busy few months, but we're loving life and doing well. I don't get to perform in A Christmas Carol this year (too busy), but Kristen does! She's playing a role she played once, five years ago, and is excited about playing again. Break a leg baby!

Beauty and Feminism

This started as a Facebook status, but I think it needed more. Being a new(ish) father of a daughter, I am becoming more and more aware of how the media shapes the "ideal" image of women. As a young man, I certainly saw a lot of advertising that showed off the muscular bodies of male celebrities. And more and more, you see buff, shirtless guys in movies (i.e. Thor, Captain America, Twilight, etc.), so there is certainly some external pressure on guys to look good, but nothing like there is on young women. (Not to mention, I don't think guys care as much - they think their bodies look good, even if they aren't.)

I don't want my daughter to define herself by how she looks. I want her to be healthy and take care of her appearance, of course. We should all try to look our best. But I don't want her to think that she needs to look a certain way to be considered beautiful or to feel she is of worth. I applaud groups like Beauty Redefined for seeking to share an appropriate view of body image.

But looking through some images, I found something that went in the wrong direction: specifically the Purple Paper Project at BeautyIsInside.com. At first, it sounded good - critique offensive ads with some snarky humor. And some of the images are spot on. But then I found some like this and this, that aren't talking about beauty at all, but just attack traditional gender roles.

I come from a home where my dad went to work, and my mom stayed at home with the kids. That was my parents' choice, and it worked for them. I am grateful I always had someone there when I got home from school. My wife and I have made the decision that she will stay at home with the kids, and I'll work outside the home to provide for my family.

So when did wanting to be a mother (and especially a SAHM) become a bad thing? I still can't believe this image. It says, "I used to have dreams. Now I just pretend that cooking and cleaning are all the fulfillment I need." Really? You don't find any fulfillment in being a mother? Because my fulfillment comes when my little girl smiles at me or lays her head on my shoulder. In that moment, I couldn't care less about any achievement at work. My coworker told me about an America's Next Top Model episode, where the girls were supposed to do a photo of what they had wanted to be when the grew up. One girl had wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and they reamed her for it. Why are women's rights important, unless they want to stay at home with their kids? Because then they're either being oppressed, or should be mocked for it?

And again, is it evil for marketers to advertise their projects to the people who are most likely to buy them? I personally do a lot of cleaning in my house - I'm much more of a neat freak than Kristen is - I even get excited about cleaning supplies like the Swiffer, and my mom bought me a Shark steam mop for Christmas. Not for Kristen - for me - because I asked for it (I don't think Kristen's even used it). But that doesn't mean I'm offended by this ad because I don't relate to the woman shown in the picture. I don't demand that there must be a man pictured cleaning instead.

Bottom line: proper body image=good, attacking people because they identify with traditional gender roles=bad.

Marriage and Optimism

Seeing as how I recently had my third wedding anniversary, I thought I'd say a few words on marriage (you know, being an expert and all with my many years of experience). I recently watched a TED talk about the optimism bias. We tend to overestimate the good things in our future, and downplay the bad (even confronted with the statistics). Although everyone knows that about 40% of marriages end in divorce, ask any newlyweds how they feel about their marriage going the distance. Virtually all new couples will tell you they think they will be in it for the long haul.

I think that's a great thing. Because how miserable would it be if you went into marriage thinking it would fail? If we are too cautious and too realistic about the future, we may be doomed to have a negative one. But the interesting thing about the optimism bias is that it's often a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we believe that good things are in store for us and act as if they are, they often come to fruition. And those who are optimistic about life (rather than realistic) are happier than those who aren't, even when faced with adversity.

Think about it this way. The optimistic person goes into a test thinking, "I'm a genius!" If they ace the test, they think, "I knew it. I'm going to get straight A's." If they do poorly, it was just bad luck that time, or they weren't quite as prepared as they should have been. But they'll do better next time, and they're still happy. The person who is not optimistic goes into the test thinking, "I probably won't do well." When they don't do well, they think, "I knew it." If they do perform well, they think it was just a fluke, and are still depressed.

Marriage is hard. I've said that before, but it really is the hardest thing I've ever done. I just counted in my head, and I can name a dozen friends my age who have been married and divorced. It seems like I keep hearing about friends who are getting divorced, and my heart goes out to them. I would never judge them for their decisions to divorce, because I don't know the situation. I know that marriage is harder than I ever would have imagined going into it, and I'll bet most married couples would agree. Nothing can prepare you for sharing your life and everything about yourself with another person. From weird quirks, to giving up some of your freedom, conferring with someone else before making purchases (or any big decisions), and just being a responsible adult. It's hard.

But it's worth it. Oh is it worth it. To me, marriage means never having to say good night at the door. It means not having to search for a date to the party. It's a hand to hold at the theater, someone to sit by at church, someone to cuddle with on the couch while reading a book or watching TV, someone to make dinner for (or who will make dinner for you). Marriage is the reason to come home from work at the end of the day, the reason to buckle up and drive safely, the reason to keep improving yourself (it's my motivation to exercise). Marriage means never needing to be alone. Above all, marriage means unconditional love and service.

Don't be fooled - marriage is something that you have to work at. You don't "fall into" love, and you don't "fall out of" love. You choose to be in love. You choose to actively love each other. You choose to accept quirks and be a responsible adult. You choose to share your life, and you choose to forgive.

      Have you ever wished for an endless night?
      Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
      Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

Yes, it gets even better. But only if we both choose to make it so.

Mothers

I turn 30 this year. It's quite a sobering thought - it really makes you think about your mortality. My body doesn't work as well as it used to. It's harder to lose weight / stay in shape. I have less patience for young people.

But getting older has another side effect - most of my friends and people I know are married and having children (if they don't already have a bunch). At work, conversations often include mentions of how many ounces of formula our kids are consuming or what percentile so-and-so was for head size at his/her last appointment. Or we talk about what movies we haven't seen lately.

When we become parents, things change dramatically. Our priorities shift. Our social life drops dramatically. We're always tired, and don't understand how people manage to stay up past midnight (and can't remember the last time we did it ourselves). Last night we went to see The Hunger Games at a midnight showing. After that, Kristen said, "Never again." And as I mentioned, our topics of conversation change. We become very different people.

But though I and my guy friends have changed, nowhere is the change more apparent than with new mothers. I look at my wife, and she is completely different than she was six months ago. She is kinder, more gentle, more patient, selfless... She is completely devoted to raising our little Scarlett.

I see the same change with other new mothers. It's most apparent with people I knew when they were single: my sister, my friends Janae, Nancy, LaChelle...the list could go on. These were all wonderful people to begin with, but it's amazing to see the difference becoming a mother has made.

Thank our Heavenly Father for good mothers. And fathers? Try to be as good as they are.

Dancing

Raising a kid is hard work. More for Kristen than for me. Scarlett is very demanding, and doesn't take very good naps. As a result, Kristen doesn't usually get to shower in the morning (I try to come home from work for lunch, and give her the chance), let alone really get ready for the day, poor dear.

Tonight, while we were making dinner, she left to feed Scarlett. When she came back to the kitchen and put Scarlett in her swing, she just seemed very tired. We had Spotify playing some Brad Paisley, and the song "New Favorite Memory" came on.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She started swaying back and forth a little bit, and I turned her around and kissed her, then pulled her close and we danced. I was suddenly overcome with gratitude that I am married to this beautiful woman who gives of herself and her time so selflessly to take care of our tiny little girl, and I offered a prayer to Heavenly Father, that He would always help me remember what's most important, and how blessed I am.

Day Zero 101

A few years ago, I started an experiment called Day Zero: 101 in 1001. The idea was to come up with 101 goals I wanted to accomplish, and to do them in 1001 days (roughly 2.75 years). I didn't quite accomplish all I'd set out to do, so I've decided to make another go of it. If you'd like to track my progress (and give me encouraging words of advice as I go), feel free to check it out here.

2011 Letter

Merry belated Christmas and Happy belated New Year! Here is a link to our 2011 Christmas letter. Enjoy!