Ramblings - Only Read if You Really Want

Welp, I have a job. Like, a big person job. Like, salaried and everything. Crazy, huh? I was just hired and I start March 11. I'm really excited and happy about it. And...it was my half-birthday yesterday. How come we don't really celebrate those? I'm 25.5 years old. I think that's at least worth a cake or something.

Priestly World Cup

Apparently, the Vatican decided its priests need a little bit of recreation.

I was driving and listening the the BBC world report, when along came a little story about Catholic priests playing football (soccer to you Americans) in an organized Catholic league. I found a much abbreviated story on the BBC web site here. But it was a good story. What I found most interesting about it was that the clergy are somewhat surprised at the presence, even among priests, of - shall we say - unsportsmanlike conduct on the football pitch. I guess they assumed priests should be immune from the anger that can often follow organized, competitive sports.

This should be no surprise to anyone who has ever experienced LDS "church basketball," where somehow, the spirit of competition and the spirit of contention are often intertwined.

Good luck, Catholic church, as you strive for good sportsmanship and unity among your priests - even if it is in a sport as notorious for bad behavior as football.

Utah Drivers - justified?

I am firmly of the mindset that Utah drivers are among the worst in the world. Many Utah drivers would say it's not really Utahns making the roads scary - it's all the out-of-state drivers who are living in the area. I do admit, the idiotic girl doing her makeup in the left lane the other day was from out of state, but I still don't buy it.

I drove in London, England, for 7 months. Opposite sides of the road, tiny cars and tiny roads, high speeds, roundabouts, etc. But never was I frightened for my life until I visited Utah after my mission and drove the freeway from Salt Lake to Provo. People whizzing by on the right - I felt like I was back in England. I was even talking to one friend from Utah and mentioned the fact that it's actually illegal to pass on the right. She was genuinely surprised!

But despite all that, let me make a fantastic statement - it's not the crazy Utah drivers that people always complain about who are the most dangerous ones on the road. Who is it? The slow Utah drivers who are in the left lane.

Why, you ask? Because they're the reason Utahns have adapted to the way they drive. For some reason, old people, people on cell phones, people using the rear view mirror to do their makeup while driving - they all think the left lane is for traveling. It's NOT! It is for PASSING! Everyone in every other state in the union knows that! (I think New Yorkers know it too, but they choose to ignore it...and most every other traffic law anyway. I could write another blog just on my cab ride from JFK airport to Manhattan.)

But these Utah drivers have got it in their head that they can travel in any lane they want, regardless of their speed. This is simply not true. If you're not the fastest car on the road, you do not get in the left lane unless you're faster than another car in your lane - it's that simple. You use the left lane to PASS. That's why it's called the PASSING LANE.

So why do Utahns drive as they do, passing on the right at high speeds? Plain truth of the matter is, they have to if they want to get past Grandma in the left lane who's talking on her cell phone and going 60 in a 65. Cuz Grandma sure isn't paying any attention to anyone behind or beside her, and isn't going to budge til she's 200 feet from her exit, when she might look to the right and might signal before crossing 4 lanes of traffic to make her offramp. I once followed someone at very close proximity, going 55-57 mph (in a 65), hoping he would move over so I wouldn't have to break the law and pass on the right like everyone behind me was doing. Nope - after about 10 minutes of this, I gave in and did it.

Moral of the story - passing on the right is illegal, but until we can educate Utahns on proper driving rules, sometimes it's a necessary illegality here in Utah.

Just Your Heart

There's a movie I really like - it's hilarious but can be really deep at parts. It's called Stardust, and one of my favorite scenes is the monologue Yvaine gives to Tristan, after he's been turned into a rat. She doesn't think he can understand her, so she's less inhibited in what she says (isn't that how we all are?). Here's what she says.

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it...centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again.

"But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you.

"Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

What do we expect in love? Do we expect others to prove their love for us? I hope not, but can we ask for a little confirmation that they love us in return? So we know our heart hasn't been given in vain? Is that okay? In the movie Across the Universe, the main girl sings a song about the main guy, telling him that she wants to be in love with him, but she's been in love before and is worried... here's what the lyrics are (all the songs in this movie are Beatles songs, by the way):

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

Kinda sad, but I think when your heart has been broken before, it tends to make you more cautious, and you want more of a reassurance that it's going to be better this time. But ultimately, if you truly love someone, you feel like Yvaine did.

"And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

I swear to drunk, I'm not God.

Yeah, so...don't turn left out of the drop off on the east side of the Wilkinson Center. You might get pulled over. How do I know? Well, I did it, and got pulled over. Interesting experience, as I had no idea why it was happening.

Anyway, so the cop takes my license and registration and asks if I know why I was pulled over. I of course tell him no - he informs me that I made an illegal left turn out of the Wilk parking lot, and asks also for my BYU ID, even though I'd informed him I was no longer a student (still don't know why he wanted it).

So he takes forEVER to get it done, and finally comes back and asks if I have any Provo tickets I haven't taken care of. I say no, and he tells me I have a warrant out for my arrest!!!

Of course at this point I start freaking out and asking why. I mean, what the heck?! So after a few seconds of this and him grilling me, he says, "Oh, but it's not April," and winks at my girlfriend (who is in the passenger seat) while handing back my license, ID and registration.

"Oh, that's harsh. That's just rough." We all start laughing. But he said he did that since he wasn't going to give me the $50 fine. You got me, Mr. Police Officer, sir. I swear, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Curse that Groundhog

Apparently, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today. Six more weeks of winter weather before the advent of spring. Dangit.

Now, why in the heck do we turn our winter weather prediction over to a little, fuzzy animal? That's what I want to know. Doesn't that seem a little ridiculous to any of you? Well, I figured out where the tradition came from, actually, by doing a brief internet search (what did we do before the advent of the world wide web, anyway?).

According to an old German superstition (central Pennsylvania was originally colonized by Germans), if a hibernating animal sees its shadow on Candlemas, there will be six more months of winter. If the animal doesn't see its shadow, there will be an "early" spring.

So....if it's sunny and it can see his shadow (aka spring-like conditions), we'll have more winter. If it's cloudy and it can't see his shadow (aka winter conditions), we'll have an early spring. My question for my German friends is this: are all your traditions counter-intuitive like this? Seems pretty dumb to me.

Oh well - I guess if this prediction holds true, it means I'll actually get a chance to go skiing this season, since I haven't had any money to do so yet. But people come on - let's turn the weather predicting over to the professionals, not a furry rodent, no matter how cute it may be.

A Touching Tribute

I know that many of my faith will have similar feelings today, and many will even write similar blogs to the one I am about to write, on the day of the funeral of President Gordon Bitner Hinckley. It was a touching tribute to the man whose life touched so many. As the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the last 12+ years, one third of the current members of the church were baptised since he became the prophet.

Bishop Burton mentioned the things which the presidents of the church are remembered for. President Benson is remembered for his warnings of pride and his counsel to remember the Book of Mormon. President Hunter is remembered for his counsel on temple worthiness. Once President Hinckley was asked what he thought he would be remembered for. He said, "I'm afraid I will be remembered as the prophet who no one listened to."

I hope we don't forget what he taught us. I hope we take it to heart and actually apply his counsel to our lives. President Hinckley is the prophet of my youth. He has been the prophet since I was old enough to be in the "youth" program.

But I'm not sad - I am grateful that President Hinckley has entered into his rest. Peace be with him and with his family.

If You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life...

...Never make a pretty woman your wife

One of my favorite songs, performed by Jimmy Soul - I think it's hilarious. Anyway, I just thought I'd share a funny anecdote about it.

One time my whole family was in the Suburban, driving around, and this song came on the radio. Of course, we all know it, and we were all singing along. At the end of the song, my mom turned to my dad and asked, "Are you happy?"

"I'm miserable."

Genius, Dad. Pure genius.