How do you make sure that you have a good relationship?
My girlfriend and I are big fans of the TV show Scrubs, and she recently bought the first season, so we’ve been watching it a lot in the evenings. I recently wrote a blog entry berating sitcoms, but Scrubs is not your typical sitcom. It is funny, but deep at the same time, which is an amazing feat for a half hour TV show. Although it is absolutely hilarious, it also manages to teach something about human emotions every time.
One of the episodes we watched really struck some kind of chord with me. It was about Elliot and JD’s brief relationship. How it started so amazingly, then spiraled downhill and finally ended…badly. Throughout the show, there are clips of the doctors talking to a psychologist. After their relationship ends, Elliot is talking to the shrink and says something about relationships.
“But, relationships.... I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That--that, even when things got hard...that they were easy. I don't get that at all, you know?”
Dr. Cox is probably my favorite character – he always has some good insight.
“Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky. One of them will say something.”
I can honestly say that I used to be like Elliot. I always thought that relationships would be easy if they were “right,” whatever that means. But I’ve learned, as Dr. Cox did, that the difference between a good relationship that works and a good relationship that doesn’t, is that in the relationship that works, someone will fight for it. There is at least one person who wants it so bad that he or she will contend for that relationship.
Couples aren’t always both working equally for the relationship to work. Sometimes, someone has to pull the other. She’s willing to pull him for a little while, so long as he doesn’t drag his feet too long. And sometimes, maybe down the line, he will have to pull her until she can pick up her feet and start walking. But as long as one person is still pushing for the relationship to work, it’s possible. But if it takes too long for him to pick up his feet, she gets too tired, and they both sit down. Or if they both get tired at the same time, but neither is selfless enough to stand up and pull the other back up, the relationship is over.
I was going to go off on something about married couples talking to other people about their relationship issues, or mentioning faults of their spouses to others, which I think is dumb and a sure road to marital problems, but I’ll save that for another blog. For now, I’ll just leave you with this bit of wisdom.
No matter how good your relationship is now, there is going to come a time when you’re going to have to make a decision to either fight for it or to give it up entirely. Now here’s the bit of wisdom. No matter what she says or does – even if she gives up on the relationship – you can’t give up. You fight for that relationship with all you have in you, and then some. Because if you give up without a fight, that tells us something about you and the weakness of your character. But not only that – it also tells us that she wasn’t really worth it to you anyway.
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I can’t do this all on my own. No – I know I’m no Superman.
I can’t do this all on my own. No – I know I’m no Superman.
3 comments:
Well said. I agree: I think relationships are a lot about trying to keep things alive. Now, bad relationships do exist and should be dealt with, but on the whole, things work because someone really wants them to work. It's a sad thing to see only one person trying to keep things alive.
Oh, and about married people complaining to others about their spouse! Sooooo annoying. It's like, "hey man, get a life, stop being a controlling, selfish idiot and go work things out with your wife! Don't tell me about it!"
Hey, but that's a topic for another blog ... like you said.
Haha, I totally agree. Heck, I wouldn't even call "Scrubs" an actual sitcom -- I saw an episode once where JD had a fantasy where his life became a sitcom and consequently everything lost its depth.
What makes "Scrubs" different is, as you say, the consideration of real emotions and issues.
Good show. :)
Good post buddy, mostly because you commented on Scrubs but also tied in relationships - two things of interest to me.
I agree - the best relationships are those where both people put forth the effort, and it's not a 50/50 thing more like each need to put forth 100 percent to make it work. However, there are times when one may struggle and if the other isn't willing to put forth the effort the relationship fails.
All of this translates into why Scrubs is one of the best shows ever!
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