Giving Thanks

Throughout the month of November, my co-worker's wife posted a series of posts titled "Operation: Gratitude," in which she detailed her gratitude for many of her blessings. I was inspired by what she wrote, so I wanted to write a brief post of my own.

I am grateful for where I am in life - I am so richly blessed. Two years ago, I had no job, was completely broke, and as a college graduate, ended up working as a waiter in a restaurant. There's nothing wrong with serving - it's hard, honest work - but it wasn't where I wanted to be in my life. Now I have a good career job that provides for me and my wife. We just moved into a nice new apartment on the first floor of a house at the base of the North Orem foothills, and are making it into a home. We are able to put some money in savings and live comfortably within our means.

I have a beautiful wife and am happily married. That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of disagreements and tears. We of course don't publicize them, but marriage is hard work. You don't really believe that before you're married. You don't truly understand what people mean when they say the first year is the hardest. But I'm grateful for our trials. They've made us stronger as a couple. And we're getting ready to celebrate our first Christmas as a married couple. How wonderful is that? :)

For the most part, we're healthy. We wish Kristen would get fewer migraines, and that we were both skinnier, but other than that, we're good. :) We've begun to learn how to take the things that life throws at us and either dodge them, or catch them and throw them back. Life is about overcoming struggles, and I love every moment I'm alive. Even those times that are hard, or that hurt. I am grateful for everything that's made me who I am, so that I could be with the love of my life: my Kristen.

And I wouldn't change a thing.
I'd walk right back through the rain.
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breaking.
And I'd relive all the years,
And be grateful for the tears
I cried with every stumble, step
That led to you, and got me here.

A Different Life

Right now, my wife and are having a Lord of the Rings (extended edition) marathon together. Just the two of us. And it's made me reflect once again that I really did choose the right girl. :) Our personalities are so perfectly matched, it's wonderful. We like a lot of the same things, but have just enough differences to make things interesting. I mean, how many guys can say their wives enjoy having a Lord of the Rings or Star Wars marathon with them? And I doubt there are very many people who have ever seen a wedding cake topper with HomestarRunner and Marzipan on top. Kristen made one for our cake.

But I was looking at some old pictures on Facebook, and wondering what my life would have been like if I'd made different decisions. About three years ago, a lot of new things began happening in my life. The two biggest things I did: I got into acting, and started dating again (after being in a committed relationship for about a year).

In the next two years, I was in 14 different theater shows - I made so many friends and gained so many great experiences. I also started dating a girl, and although we dated off and on for the next two years, my preoccupation with her made it impossible to really want to date anyone else during the "off" times. That's not to say there weren't opportunities. That there weren't other beautiful girls I met in whom I was interested. As I said, I was in many theater productions throughout that time, and drama people are well-known for being big flirts. :) But I just couldn't move on.

During those two years, I also graduated and got a job here in Utah. I now wonder whether if I hadn't still been preoccupied with that same girl, would I have even looked for a job here? After all, I never wanted or planned to remain in Utah after graduation. To be honest, I'd still rather be outside it and living somewhere green.

Anyway, eventually that relationship ended for good, and despite my belief that I'd never love again, I found the girl I never thought existed. The girl who makes me happier than I ever could have known. Guess where she's from: Utah. And how did we meet? Because her best friend/roommate and I were in a play together. :)

So what if I hadn't decided to keep performing (or never even started in the first place)? What if I had decided the on again-off again relationship was a dead-end earlier than I did, and moved out of state? Would I have found my Kristen? I hope so. But luckily, I don't have to find out. She's mine forever.

New Moon

I read the books, it's true. I even enjoyed them. You can even read some of my previous blogs for my feelings on that. However, I thought the first movie was one of the worst films I've ever seen (and I've seen some lame movies). The ONLY reason this movie did well at the box office is because of the Twilight book readers. If this had been a stand-alone movie, it would have tanked.

Now, my major issue with this movie was the casting. First of all, the vampires are supposed to be incredibly attractive to their prey, right? Remember when all the Twilighters freaked out when Robert Pattinson was cast? They didn't think he was attractive enough to be Edward (which is true - and what's with that hair??). But then when the movie came out, they somehow all reversed their positions? And Nikki Clark (Rosalie) is very pretty, but she's supposed to be playing an incredibly beautiful, blonde vampire. She should be the most beautiful person in the film. But she's a brunette, and the blonde hair doesn't work for her. They should have cast someone with an already pale complexion and light-colored hair. And don't get me started on how Jasper always looks like he's constipated. (I did like Alice, Emmett, and Carlisle, though.)

But worse than those casting decisions, let's talk about Edward and Bella. The two main characters - the ones to whom we should feel the closest connection - suck. Pattinson is an okay actor - for example, I'm sure he could find success on the Disney Channel...maybe. But Kristen Stewart? She's quite possibly the worst actress I've ever seen. Seriously. She has no facial expression, she's not interesting to watch, she's not very attractive, and she can't deliver a line. She's just plain obnoxious, and being forced to watch her makes me want to have Laurent or Victoria eat her.

Well, with the next installation of the Twilight series coming out, critics are giving their reviews. A few of my favorites from Rotten Tomatoes (28% so far - I can't say I'm surprised) are below:

"If you fixate on funny things like plot and character -- in movies, anyway -- too bad." -Leslie Gornstein, E! Online

"Extreme moping by hollow actors makes the film feel like it stars robots stuck on their 'Emo' setting." -Matt Pais, Metromix.com

"Never has a man's shirtlessness been so essential to a character's development." -Jordan Hoffman, UGO

"The irony in this movie about vampires is that the only thing doing any sucking is the movie itself." Walter Chaw, Film Freak Channel

"The most surprising thing about New Moon, the second film in the Twilight series, is how much worse it is than the first." -Devin Faraci, CHUD

"Never have vampires and werewolves had so much estrogen." -Fiore Mastracci, Outtakes with Fiore

"I can't comment on the acting because I didn't catch Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner doing any. They basically primp and pose through the same humdrum motions they did before." -Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

The Holidays

When you get married, stuff starts to get expensive. You have increased grocery costs, housing costs, insurance costs, utilities costs, etc. For those of us who have been done with school for a while but our spouse isn't, we're now paying tuition again. And then when baby comes (sometime in the distant future), you have a whole new set of costs.

Then come the holidays - that wonderful time of year when it starts to get colder, the snow begins to fall, and we get to spend time with loved ones. But there must be opposition in all things - the holidays are expensive.

Now let me start off by saying that I am not a Scrooge. I love everything about Christmas, including giving and receiving gifts. But let's face it, Christmas is expensive. One of my favorite books is "Skipping Christmas" by John Grisham (I also like the movie adaptation, "Christmas With the Kranks"). The basic premise is that a husband and wife send their daughter off to work in the Peace Corps for a year, right after Thanksgiving, which means she'll miss Christmas at home. As the mother cries while going about her daily routine, the dad starts to crunch numbers. He then convinces his wife that if they were to skip all the Christmas stuff (the cards, the Christmas Eve party, the food, the tree, the decorations, the presents, etc.), they could go on a week-long cruise and actually SAVE money.

I mean, add up your own costs for the holidays. If you're traveling, you have the cost of air travel (or car/gas costs), as well as the opportunity cost of taking time off from work. You have to pay for decorations, food, Christmas cards, etc. And, of course, presents.

Although not required to be a good friend or relative, we generally expect at this time of year that we will show our love through the giving of gifts. It is a Christmas tradition. There's nothing inherently bad or wrong with it.

But...it's just so darn expensive! You can find good deals, but generally most people would say a nice gift costs around $15-20 (often more). Add that up for each member of your family, your spouse's family, close friends...it's pricey. So what do you do in this situation (especially in this economy)? Making gifts is very nice and can be a great alternative to a store-bought gift, but it takes up a lot of time. Most people hardly have enough time to even shop for gifts, let alone spend the time making something.

I have a couple ideas. The first is the idea of drawing names - many families do this. You can still show your love to your family in ways other than physical gifts, and this ensures that everyone still gets to participate in the Christmas gift-giving tradition. One side of my extended family regularly participates in a gift game. Everyone brings a wrapped gift, and everyone gets to open a present or steal an already unwrapped present, until all the presents are opened. In this case, the idea is not about giving/getting presents as much as having fun and spending time together as family. Or, as your family grows bigger, and you and your siblings begin having children of your own, you could do a "family gift" for each of the little families.

I think these are all good ideas to save money. I'm not going to try and say that I think we should do this because Christmas is too materialistic (although it is). I'll be honest - this is about saving money. :) However, I do think that gifts are far less important than spending time with family and experiencing joy in the Christmas season.

Let me tell you about the best idea of all, though. And this is something I am going to start as a tradition with my family. I had a professor in college share a story with us about a man who coached a hockey team. The hockey team wasn't very good - but to add to that, they didn't really look like a hockey team either - they didn't have uniforms or pads. That Christmastime, the coach went out and bought the team nice uniforms and all the gear they'd need. The team didn't get much better, but they felt better. :) What he then did was write down what he did, and put it in a white envelope and placed it on the tree, as a gift for his family. He said that it was a gift he gave in the name of his family.

My family has done similar things in the past - giving gifts anonymously to those in need, and I'm definitely going to make that a part of my family's Christmas traditions. And aside from whatever you decide to do within your own family, remember to save some money to give to those in need.

So despite the cost, I guess the reason for giving gifts truly does fit with the spirit of Christmas. It's about giving love and service, for that is what Christ did.

Being Single...?

I heard a really good talk about being single from John Bytheway a while back (when I was oh-so-single). He used an interesting analogy. He said it's like you're sitting down at a piano, and on the piano is sheet music for a song called "Marriage: A Duet." Periodically, people walk by while you're sitting at the piano.

Someone walks by and says, "Why don't you play that song?"

"I'd like to. But someone has to come and sit down here and play it with me."

"Well, you're just not trying hard enough." And she walks away.

Then someone else walks by and asks, "How come you don't you play that song?"

"I'd like to. I'd love to play this song - I'm sure the music's beautiful. But someone else by their own agency has to to be willing to sit here and play it with me."

"Well, you could play it if you had more faith." And he walks off.

Yet again, another person walks by and says, "Why don't you play that song?"

"I'd LIKE to. I love the music. I'm sure it's a beautiful song. But someone with their own agency that God will not violate has to choose to sit here next to me and play it with me."

"Oh, you're just being too picky." And he walks away. Anyway, his point was that marriage isn't something that can be forced. But I'd like to talk about what he said next.

He said not to get discouraged about these people who keep asking you about being single, because these individuals with an underdeveloped sense of appropriateness never go away. These are the same people who, once you get married, ask, "So when are you going to have kids?" And then once you have kids, ask, "So when are you going to have more?" And then, "So when are you going to go on a mission?" They NEVER go away. So keep smiling and don't get discouraged.

I am of the (rather strong) opinion that a couples' decision to have children, and when they decide to have them, is their own business. It is between them and the Lord, and no one else. Not their bishop, not their parents, not their friends, and certainly no one in their ward who barely knows them. I had a friend who, when pressured by her father to have children, would say, "We're trying all the time, Dad!" That would usually shut him up.

But I have other friends who really have tried and/or are trying to have kids, but just are unable. Friends going through fertility treatment, or who are looking at adoption as an option, even those who have had a miscarriage that few others know about. What do you think it does to those people when you say (even in jest), "Sheesh - so when are you gonna have kids already?"

But even for those people who, by choice, are not currently trying to have children, is that any of your business? Now, I'm not trying to say anything about me or my wife with this post. We've only been married 5 months, and haven't received a ton of comments about our childless state. And as a disclaimer, there are plenty of polite and tactful ways to ask about a couples' plans for having children, which leave the couple the option of not answering if they don't want to (i.e. "Have you guys thought about kids yet?"). But if you want to avoid any awkward moments, I'd recommend not even trying. They'll talk about it when they're good and ready.

And my favorite response to a single person asking about our plans for children? "When are you gonna get married?"

Let Me Live in Such a Way

I gave my wife a blessing tonight. She gets bad migraines from time to time. I tell her she's fragile, and I need to be careful with her sometimes. But she was sick tonight, so I made dinner, did the dishes, and watched a whole disc of Gilmore Girls by myself (I know, it's like an addiction now). And at the end of the last episode, from the bedroom I heard her say something. I paused the show and asked her what she said.

"Can you give me a blessing?"

"...Yeah"

I stopped everything and dropped to my knees, as the question crossed my mind, "Am I worthy?" Thoughts flooded my mind as I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to tell me what to say, to help me know His will, to be worthy to do this. And as I sit here, trying to remember what I said in that blessing, I think He answered my heartfelt prayer.

But as my wife lays in bed, I am left alone with my thoughts - am I living so that I can always be ready whenever He calls on me to serve His children? Please, let me live my life in such a way.

Twittering, er, Tweeting...whatever

I love to write - I really do. I love writing in my blog, but I have been horrible at it of late. I keep coming up with all these ideas of what I want to write about, but I don't write them when I'm thinking about them, so the ideas go away. Thus, I am going to post a jumble of little things I'm thinking about, each getting their own Twitter-length (or thereabouts) blog. Welp, here goes...

I have a friend or two who constantly engage in self-sabotage. They complain about the rough times they're going through, but continually go back and do the things that make them feel good at the time, but end up hurting them in the long run. They're unwilling or unable to stop the self-destructive behavior that causes their rough times. Even if they see the problems their behavior is causing, they can't seem to give it up.

I've recently developed a penchant for watching Gilmore Girls (go ahead and make fun of me - I deserve it - it's my wife's fault, though). For those of you who watch it, you know that it's a pretty dang funny show. But it's very angsty - lots of teen drama. Last night Kristen and I watched a particularly dramatic episode, and I am just so grateful that I am not involved in that anymore. I'm so happy I am married to my sweetheart, and that we don't have to deal with that highschool-ness anymore. My favorite quote from the show: "Oi with the poodles already."

Being a grownup is hard. Dealing with money, insurance, bills, thinking about buying a house, planning for the future, having to exercise if I want to keep my girlish figure, etc. I have been focused a lot lately on being self-reliant and about providing for my current and future family. We've had a lot of lessons in Church the last few weeks about food storage, fast offerings, being self sufficient, etc., and it's really brought those things to the forefront of my mind. Our last Family Home Evening was about goals we want to set in regard to that aspect, and we even made 72-hour kits. It's just weird, because I'm an adult now - a real live, married, working-out-in-the-world adult.

I want to go camping - I wish that I had more time off from work to do fun things. That's the difficulty of being salaried. You get a steady paycheck every month (twice a month, really), but then you have to work every day, and only get limited time off. More of that being an adult thing, I guess.

I was looking at past grades, for some reason (I mean, I've been out of school for more than a year and a half now). But that one grade still irks me. It was based off an evaluation by a fellow student in a student-run class. An evaluation that was based off of misinformation from someone who failed in their part of the job and blamed it on me. She gave me the second-lowest grade I received in any BYU course. Lower than the grades I received for Psych 111 , Econ 110, Media Management (a class with the worst professor I've ever had), Business Finance, Political Science 110 (with the other worst professor ever - they may be tied for last place), etc., etc. The one class with a worse grade was History of Jazz, first semester of freshman year (we all know how hard BYU music classes can be - especially when you're not ready for them). It upset me that she based her review off of someone else's lies about my performance, which were made to cover up that person's own deficiency. But as I learned in Sunday School this week, I need to forgive if I am to be forgiven, so I better repent and do that. Dang. I still wouldn't recommend either of those people for a job, though.

I've been going to a ton of weddings lately (or so it seems). My wife's best friend got married on the 18th, and one of my best friends (and until 3 months ago, my roommate) got married yesterday. It is so awesome to go sit in the sealing room and see your friends make sacred covenants. (I keep telling my wife that her contract is for eternity - there's no getting out of it.) I love being married - 3 months today. It's the best thing I've ever done.

Good friends can be hard to come by. Even in a ward where you have nice, friendly people, it can still be hard getting to know them. Not to mention that we tend to have few true friends - mostly just good acquaintances. But we had something fun happen this week. Our neighbors from two floors up came to visit. They were asking us about internet, and whether they could share our wireless connection. We said sure, talked with them for a bit, gave them the code, etc. Then they came down again the next day! Gave us the money for the first month of internet, chilled and talked some more. It was fun, because Whitney (she's about Kristen's age) mentioned that she was excited because she and Kristen were "going to be friends." That makes us both happy, that there's a nice, fun new couple in our ward that likes us and wants to be friends with us. We need to have them over for dinner soon.

Well, that's it for my ramblings for now. Tune in next time for more of the same...or something different. I don't know yet.

Planned Parenthood

*DISCLAIMER: This entry may contain content not suitable for unmarried people...hehe :) But seriously, as alluded to in the title, sex and birth control are discussed, so if you're more comfortable not reading this, I understand.

I recently read two different, but related articles, and they got me thinking. One was an article from MSNBC titled "Happily ever after? Not really, many wives say." The other was a blurb about the Duggar family (a couple who subscribe to the Evangelical Christian Quiverfull Movement and who have a reality show on TLC called "18 Kids and Counting").

Let me first address the Duggar family and the Quiverfull Movement. I didn't know anything about the movement, so I looked it up on Wikipedia (which, as we all know, is the ultimate source of knowledge on the web). Adherants to this movement believe in abstaining from all forms of birth control, including natural family planning (only having sex during times of lowest fertility: i.e. during breastfeeding, after menopause, and during periods of the menstruation cycle) and sterilization. They believe all children are a gift from God, and only God has the right to decide when and to whom a baby should come. They do not believe in child spacing. As a result, the Duggars have had 18 children over the course of 20 years, and (as the show's title suggests) will likely have more.

Now, I believe that birth control is a very private matter. And as long as this family is happy and are able to support themselves and their children financially, I say right on to them. But I disagree with the tenants of their faith. Mary Pride (who some say started the Quiverfull Movement) argued, "God commanded that sex be at least potentially fruitful (that is, not deliberately unfruitful).... All forms of sex that shy away from maritial fruitfulness are perverted."

Seriously?? What if a couple wants to have sex after menopause? Is that shying away from marital fruitfulness? What if a couple is sterile and can't have children? Should they cease to have sex once they know they can't have children? After all, their sexual relations are not potentially fruitful anymore.

There are all kinds of problems with this line of thinking. Yes, children are blessings from God, and should be received with gratitude. But sex is a wonderful part of marriage that was not created just to "make babies." Sex is an expression of love between husband and wife - it unites husband and wife and makes them one. And someone should not feel worried that they can't express their love to their spouse until they are financially able to support a child.

Baptist preacher John Piper said it well:
"Just because something is a gift from the Lord does not mean that it is wrong to be a steward of when or whether you will come into possession of it. It is wrong to reason that since A is good and a gift from the Lord, then we must pursue as much of A as possible. God has made this a world in which tradeoffs have to be made and we cannot do everything to the fullest extent... As Wayne Grudem has said, 'it is okay to place less emphasis on some good activities in order to focus on other good activities.'"

Now on to the other article. Women's Day and AOL Living did a poll of 35,000 women to find out how they feel about their marriages. The result? Many women aren't that happy. It seems that once they got married, their relationships went downhill. In fact, 72% of the women polled said they have considered leaving their husband at some point, and 57% sometimes regret marrying him!

I bet I can give a guess as to why - more than 60% said they rarely or never have a date night with their husband, and more than half replied that their sex life is "dull," or that they can't remember the last time they were intimate with their husband. A whopping 79% of the women polled say they want to have sex more often.

And would you have guessed it? The number one most important thing women wish their husband would do? Spend time with them. Close behind was "do housework."

I took a class in college about marriage and family relationships, and our professor said something that I have remembered well: intimacy is directly related to the rest of your relationship. You don't have sex to build a good relationship. You have sex because you already have a good relationship. Do you think your wife is going to want to be intimate with you when ignore her? When you don't take her out on dates and spend time together, just the two of you? When you don't help out around the house and expect her to do everything? On a related note, do you also expect your wife to look good for you when you've let yourself go? 12% of women said the most important thing they want their husband to do is hit the gym.

For those of you who don't see the connection between these two articles (which may be most of you), I want to reiterate the purpose of sexual intimacy. Is it to help create children who will come into and bless our lives? Yes. But it is also to strengthen the bonds of love within marriage. It is to express what cannot be expressed any other way. People sometimes ask why in the LDS church we teach our members to wait until marriage to be intimate. Why? Because sex is bad? No! It's not that it's bad, but because it is so good that we need to wait to experience it with our spouse. It's only within marriage that we can share absolutely everything with someone, and only there is it proper to show that highest expression of love.

So in other words, I think the Quiverfull Movement is definitely missing something.

David Letterman Under Fire

I'm not sure how many of you saw or heard David Letterman making crude jokes about Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter (Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old unwed mother). I didn't, but they've been all over the news lately. Letterman made three inappropriate jokes about the Palins:

• Letterman commented that Gov. Palin had a "slutty flight attendant" look.
• He said Palin had a hard time keeping Eliot Spitzer away from her daughter.
• He also joked Palin's daughter was "knocked up" by Alex Rodriguez.

Now suddenly, Palin-supporters are up in arms that he would make such shameful jokes. And people are calling for him to be fired. Have these people never watched his show? He makes inappropriate jokes about everyone. As he himself said in response to the criticism, yes, the jokes were in poor taste, and he regrets making them (he then adds that he's regretted telling thousands of jokes on his show).

Unfortunately for Letterman, Palin wasn't traveling with Bristol, but with Willow, Palin's 14-year-old daughter. So even though the jokes were obviously made in reference to Bristol, who, as Letterman said, "was knocked up," and whose...ahem, morals...could be called into question, these people are determined to prove that he meant to promote statutory rape.

Puh-leeze! Are you serious?!

Now, did I think these jokes were funny? No. Were they inappropriate? Yes. Do I think people should support him and his program when he continues to tell these types of jokes? No. But do you honestly believe that he was sending the message that it's okay to rape someone? Or that sex with a minor is okay? Give me a break. These are just people trying to gain a little extra spotlight. And I include the Palins in that group. She's just early campaigning for 2012 (I won't be voting for her, that's for sure).

Oh, and I'm willing to bet that many of those people who are signing that online petition are the same ones who laughed at all the equally inappropriate jokes made at the expense of dozens of other public figures. Let's not be hypocrtical, shall we?

Facebook Friends

Let me preface this post by saying it's going to sound harsh. Although, those of you who read this probably already know that. My friend Sarah once responded to one of my posts this way: "I think you are one opinionated boy!! You always know where you stand and exactly how you feel about things." Well, that's partially true. I am very opinionated, and I tend to voice those opinions a lot. Whether wrong or right, I feel how I feel. But that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to look at things from another viewpoint and possibly change my mind.

Today I did some housecleaning on my Facebook list. I had about 450 "Facebook friends," of which I'm sure less than 20% I talk to, look at their profiles, or follow anything going on in their lives on a regular basis. I'm even willing to bet the number is lower than that.

Does that genuinely come as a surprise to anyone reading this? How many of your Facebook or MySpace friends do you stalk (I use that term loosely - don't ever stalk people - it's creepy and could get you a restraining order)? How many of your "friends" do you talk to? How many of their profiles do you even look at once a month?

With the advent of social networking, it seems like the cool thing to do is to "get back in contact" with as many of your former friends as possible. The thing is, people don't tend to do too much to stay in touch (let's face it, it's hard to keep up with the goings on of hundreds of people). For someone like me who moved around a ton, getting back in contact means that dozens of people I hardly remember add me as their friend, maybe look at my pictures once and make a comment ("Oh cute!"), then are never heard from again.

Or sometimes I get a person who knows someone I know, or who has seen me in a play, who wants to "be my friend" (I put this in quotes, because all they usually want is to add me to their Facebook friends list - they don't typically care about meeting me/getting to know me in person).

I don't begrudge anyone wanting to get to know me, to talk to me, to be my friend. Those are all wonderful things. But let's face it - the majority of people with whom I interact on Facebook (either talking with them, looking at their profiles, checking out their pictures, even chatting with them) are people I interact with outside of Facebook. I talk with them on the phone, chat online, see them from time to time... In other words, I make some effort to be a real friend - not just their "Facebook friend."

And I'm sure I'm just as guilty of this as most people. I've added people I barely knew simply because they were in a class or play with me, or who were good friends with ex-girlfriends. I've found people I knew in high school, but who were more acquaintances than friends, and added them to my list.

So we end up with huge lists of people we never talk to, never interact with, and the worst part of it is that when you go to remove any of these acquaintances from your list, you feel guilty. You worry they'll be hurt or offended that you removed them. Maybe they looked at your profile more often than you looked at theirs. Maybe they cared more than you did. That's always the concern, and I don't have a solution for it.

However, maybe we can eliminate the worry in regard to old high school/middle school/elementary school "friends." With your friend request, send a message: "Hey. I know we haven't talked in a dozen years and were never really that close to begin with, but I saw your name on someone else's profile, and wondered what you were up to. Can you add me so I can check out what's been going on, and then I'll remove you since I'm not incredibly interested in staying in touch - only getting in touch?"

Now there would be an honest message, and one I would be totally fine getting. Unfortunately, it will never happen.

Back to my housecleaning. I realize that there may be people who read my blog who I "un-added" from my Facebook friends list recently. If that's the case, you're probably one of those people I felt guilty about removing, because you care more about keeping up with me than I thought. I apologize if your feelings were hurt, but I don't apologize for un-adding anyone, because I haven't had any interaction with anyone I removed in months (at the least).

Moral of the story? Be real friends with people...then add them to your friends list.

Love & Marriage

Before my sister and future brother-in-law walked into the sealing room for their wedding, I looked around the room at all the people who had sullen and dismal expressions on their faces, and told them to lighten up: "This is a wedding! You're supposed to be happy! I think if I was ever a sealer, I wouldn't be able to resist, and at some point I'd say, 'Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.' Which is why I'll probably never be a sealer."

I got a few chuckles and smiles, which is what I was going for. I just hated how sad and dismal everyone looked at such a happy time. And then, who cried the most when the wedding was over and he was hugging his little sister? Me, of course. Well, maybe it was a draw between the two of us.

At my wedding, I told her not to cry. :)

April 30, 2009 was the happiest day of my entire life. As I walked out of the temple with my sweetheart, holding her hand, everything was perfect. The weather, which we had worried about for weeks, cooperated and was gorgeous all day, allowing us to have our reception line outside, like Kristen had always wanted. She was beautiful. The reception center looked great. The music was fantastic. The dancing was fun. All in all, it was just a good, fun day. Even the confetti that was thrown in the car right before we left couldn't put a damper on things.

And in my many, many days of marriage (28 so far), it's been wonderful. :) I've learned, though, that marriage isn't easy. People always tell you that, but you don't truly understand. At least, not until you're actually married. All of a sudden, you have another person living with you. Someone with a different way of doing things, who was raised differently, who, essentially, comes from a different culture.

I mean, you do your best to talk about things before the wedding, to make the transition as smooth as possible, but there's no way you could think of everything. There are all kinds of things someone may do subconsciously that you're not used to.

But despite the bumps in the road we've experienced and I'm sure we'll continue to experience, we are happy, we're in love, and we're looking forward to spending an eternity together.

Blogging...

I like to read blogs. No, I take that back. I like to read interesting blogs. And I prefer reading the blogs of people I know, but have occasionally ventured onto blogs of people I don’t. While blog-surfing, I’ve noticed that it seems a lot of bloggers out there are stay-at-home moms, and their primary blogging topic is their kids.

Now, not to attack anyone in particular or hurt anyone’s feelings (I’m sure I’ll lose a few readers with this post), but those blogs are usually pretty boring. Even if you’re friends with the person, if you don’t have a vested interest in the children (i.e. their uncle or grandmother), you don’t really care that much. Unless it’s something really interesting (like my friend who recently adopted and wrote about her new son), I’ll usually only skim the entry.

This is not to say that there aren’t kid blogs out there I think are very interesting, or that it’s never okay to write about your kids. If the blog is primarily to keep your family up-to-date on your family over long distances, it makes sense to blog about your kids. Or if once and a while your child does something really spectacular or interesting, and you want to share it with everyone, go for it (i.e. posting a video of your child’s first steps).

And kid-blogging is not the only blogging sin. There are also those people who only blog when they want to post pictures of their most recent trip. One would think by looking at their blog that they are constantly on vacation. While these posts try to make up for a lack of interesting content by using pretty pictures, they really only amount to glorified slide shows. And I don’t mean the cool, movie-type slideshows. I mean the boring, sit-in-the-dark, use-a-clicker-attached-to-the-machine-to-advance-the-slides slideshow.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, with the advent of the web, everyone can publish their thoughts for the world to see. Many people think of blogs as online journals, and looking at it that way, it shows the difference in the way people see the world. Some write the events of the day, while others write their thoughts and feelings, and insights gained. I think a healthy blend of both is what makes a good blog (leaning more towards the thoughts, feelings, and insights side). I don’t claim to have the most interesting blog in the world, but I like to think that I post moderately interesting content a majority of the time. But hey, that’s me. What do you think?

Wedding Plans

With only 5 weeks left until my wedding, I thought that I would share some insights into wedding planning that I’ve learned (from the groom’s perspective).

First of all, for the groom, the engagement period is a time to prove that you really are in love with this girl, because you commitment is going to be tried. The bride is going to be constantly stressed out about making plans, making decisions, dealing with her mother (let’s be honest – even the best mother-daughter relationships get a little rocky during wedding planning), and it’s the groom’s job to be the calming influence. He has to learn to be incredibly patient, not be easily offended, and be willing to do anything the bride asks of him without feeling frustrated, annoyed, or neglected.

His job is also to remember that everyone (especially the bride and her mother) are in a different state of mind pre-wedding, but that everyone will go back to normal the moment the reception is over. I saw this with my sister’s wedding. My mom was a completely different person (I had never seen her that way) the whole weekend I was home for the wedding (let’s face it – she was freaking out). But the moment the decorations and food were taken down and carted back to the house, she was back to her normal self. It was a strange thing to witness.

As the groom, you need to remember that during the engagement, the girl you asked to marry you will become a different woman: one who can become a little bit crazy on occasion. You must remember this is not indicative of her mental state, or how she will act when you are married. It’s just the stress of planning a wedding. Also remember that you can influence this state, either for good or for ill.

My brother-in-law managed to avoid all the wedding craziness. He was working several hundred miles away from my sister during most of their engagement, and was only with her the last couple weeks, when most everything had already been planned. Did he do it the right way or no? Who knows?

Now, my advice to you future grooms for a happy engagement:

1. Never offer your opinion about anything, unless asked. If you are asked, give your opinion honestly, but let your bride know you’ll still like whatever she chooses.
2. Fight the constant desire we men have to be logical and solve problems that way. This is also important to remember in marriage, but especially important during the engagement. Wedding planning is never logical. Honestly, who would spend thousands of dollars on a one-day event, were they being logical? Let her do it how she wants.
3. Take a break from wedding stuff every day, and have some together time. If you don’t, you’ll both go crazy. It doesn’t matter whether you have a million things to do. Just take some time to relax: watch a movie, cook dinner together, whatever.
4. This one ties in to the last one, but keep going on dates. Don’t stop simply because you’re engaged. It’s possibly even more important to continue courting each other while you’re engaged than it was prior to the engagement.
5. Make sure your bride knows how much you love her – tell her often, and do little things for her to show her you still love her, even though she gets crazy sometimes. :)

And lastly…
6. Remember that your bride loves you very much, even when the stress of the wedding puts her in a less-than-positive mood.

If you follow this advice, I think you’ll find you have a good engagement, and will continue to be excited for the big day, and the many that will follow it.

LOL

Do you know which internet abbreviation is the most obnoxious? "LOL." Honestly, have you ever heard someone actually say "laugh out loud" (at least, before the advent of the internet)? No! Even if people are trying to show they are laughing (which they’re usually not – they just want to make people believe they are), couldn’t they use "haha" or even "hehe," or even the computer-speak smiley face? :) Anything would be better than the dreaded LOL.

Now apparently, no one laughs as much as teenagers, who use the three-letter combination incessantly, interspersed throughout their messages. Allow me to illustrate, with no exaggeration on my part. Here is an excerpt from an actual* teenager’s e-mail (oh, and to warn you, they don’t use capitalization, and seldom use punctuation…I believe it’s because it must cost more to text a capital letter, and it takes way too much time to add in a comma while "IM-ing"):

"…and then lol I was walking to class with jim lol and he totally was like what are you doing after class lol so I told him im going to my friends house to study lol and he was like well when are you going to be done lol…"

Oh, I can’t read it anymore. Now, I’ve come up with several theories as to why people use the abbreviation "LOL." 1. As is apparent from the previous excerpt, perhaps they think it serves as an all purpose punctuation mark. 2. Another idea is that maybe LOL is used to let people know you think something is funny when in fact it is not. 3. Or maybe, people use LOL to convince others that despite their typically surly attitudes, they are in fact very happy individuals, and "laugh out loud" on a constant basis, no matter what they are doing.

Regardless of the reason, LOL is a scourge on the English-speaking world, and must be obliterated. There are other stupid words that have come into existence that should likewise not have made their way into teenage slang ("sick" meaning "cool," "bling," etc.), but LOL is at the top of the list.

--
*not from an actual teenager

My Happy Ending

I’m in a play that opens tonight (you should all come see it, by the way). But I can relate to my character. His name is Darryl, and is described in the script with one word: cynical. In one scene, he is on a date with a girl named Dresden, and they’re "people-watching." The conversation goes something like this:

Darryl: What about that one?
Dresden: She’s obviously into him, but he’s…
Darryl: What?
Dresden: Holding back, and I can’t see why. Could she make it more obvious?
Darryl: Probably.
Dresden: And him?
Darryl: Maybe he’s been hurt before, or…disillusioned.
Dresden: So what? He’s given up?
Darryl: No way. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here, in the park...with her.

I wrote a post back in July, where I detailed what I was feeling at the time. It was not a good time for me. Though I was trying to change my attitude and how I felt, I was depressed, disillusioned, and didn’t seem to be able to pull myself out of it. But I said something I’d like to take back now.

I said, "I just don’t believe in fairy tales anymore." That’s no longer true. I do believe in fairy tales, and I believe in happily ever after. Because I found my happy ending – I found my happily ever after, and I love her so much. It hasn’t been an easy road, and I know that if I want to grow into a better, stronger person, trials and struggles will never let up, but I do know that I’ll be happy.

Because I think the key to being happy while going through our trials is discovering why we’re having them in the first place. If we do that, we can have a different attitude about why we’re having them. And I think it will help having someone who’s always there, going through them alongside you. They say that if you put two horses together, they can pull four times the weight either one of them could pull alone. I believe that, because I know that I'm stronger when Kristen is by my side.

-----
And they lived happily ever after.

I'm Engaged!!!

Okay, so people keep asking me for the story of how I did it, so I figured I'd post it up here.

Last night, Kristen and I went on a double date with her roommate Janae and Janae's fiance Richard. We told the girls that the date was a surprise. The only thing they knew was that we were going to dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory. So we go to dinner, enjoy ourselves, enjoy the food, and then Janae signals Kristen with the secret girl code that she needed to use the restroom. For some reason, girls cannot go to the bathroom alone when in a group setting. I know it's usually partly the whole talk about your date thing, but I also think it's a natural aversion girls have to odd numbers.

Anyway, we used this knowledge about girls to our advantage, and had Janae (who was a co-conspirator in the whole thing) do that on purpose. Richard and I hurried and paid, then left, and left a message and his car keys on the table. Now, we'd all come in the same car, but Richard and I had driven by earlier to drop off his car near the restaurant.

The message we left the girls was this:
This is the beginning of your Super Secret Fun Date. It will be the most fun you’ve had in a long time. You will experience thrills, chills, ooh’s and aah’s, and will love us both more with each new adventure you have. We are now in two different locations, and you will have to follow the trail of clues to get to us and get the grand prize. Are you ready? The clues are really hard. Here goes.

We then proceeded to send the girls to places of significance to our respective relationships. They alternated with clues for Kristen and clues for Janae, and at each spot, they received little gifts. [Consequently, all this time, Richard and I were chilling in the car, chatting. At one point, I said, "You know, we're probably going to be spending a lot of time together. As your fiance and my soon-to-be-fiance are each other's maids of honor and all. Good thing you're able to tolerate my presence." We had a good laugh about that.] The next to last clue led to where Richard had proposed to Janae, and he was there waiting with the last clue, which read:

I gave you your ideal _____ here.
Almost there! When we’re all together, we’ll give you both the grand prize. Don’t ask Richard what it is – he won’t tell.

When Kristen and I were first getting to know each other, somehow the subject of kissing came up, and she asked me if I had a "perfect kiss" or an "ideal kiss" or something along those lines. I didn't. I doubt many boys do - apparently it's a girl thing. So I asked her if she had one, and she said yes. It involved playgrounds and being pushed on a swing, then being kissed while the boy stood in front of her, holding the chains while she still sat on the swing. Anyway, so I decided that the first time I kissed Kristen (if I kissed her - I wasn't sure at the time as we were just getting to know each other), I would give her her ideal kiss. Often, first kisses are awkward or lame or just disappointing, but I was determined that ours wouldn't be.

So for her last clue, Kristen went to the same playground where we had our first kiss. She came bounding out of the car all smiles, and hugged me and kissed me and said how much fun she'd had. After a second, I asked her if she was ready for the grand prize. She said yes, and so I stepped back and knelt down on the snow and looked up at her. I said, "I love you and I want to be with you forever." As I was saying that, I took the box out of my coat pocket and held it in front of her. Then I said, "Kristen Marie Southerland," and opened the box. "Will you marry me?"

She was crying and smiling so huge, as she said, "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" I stood up (closing the ring box as I did so) and hugged her and kissed her (a few times), then pulled away and opened the ring box, pulled out the ring, and put it on her finger. After more kisses and hugs, I smiled and said, "Go ahead," as she proceeded to yell (to Janae), "I'm engaged!"

And there was much running and rejoicing and yelling and hugging on the part of the two girls (who are best friends, if you haven't gathered as much by this point). It was a lot of fun, and I hope it will be a good memory for her - one that's fun to tell later on.