Infomercials

Although an avid blog reader, I realize I haven't been the best at writing my own posts in a while. I figure now is as good a time as any to redeem myself. So here goes...

Who else loves those little wonders we call infomercials? Cuz I sure do. In fact, I'm a sucker for the section in Bed Bath & Beyond that is devoted to "As Seen on TV" items. Even though all of the tricks they use on these "paid advertising" spots are fairly obvious, I think I'm still very susceptible to their ploys.

Let's see if we can't break down how they make these snippets of television gold. First of all, you always have a host, who is very smiley, well-dressed, and attractive, who introduces the "expert" on the product (either the spokesperson or the actual creator of the product). The host is almost always a woman for some reason.

Next, a problem is presented by the expert. I will illustrate with examples from the most recent infomercial I watched: the new, improved G2 Swivel Sweeper Vac (10 million of the original have already been sold - get yours now!). In this case, the problem is that

traditional vacuum cleaners are just too difficult to deal with: they're too big, too heavy, can only go backwards and forwards (because they're limited by wheels), have long, unruly cords, etc., etc.

Then the new product is introduced. For our example, the new G2 Swivel Sweeper has its new "patented quad brush technology." It can pick up what your vacuum can't, it can get into spaces where other vacuums can't, can swivel 360 degrees, it only weighs 2 pounds, it has no cords, etc., etc.

Next we cut to a montage of the product doing its thing with an incredibly perky person explaining how amazing it is, as well as showing us how to buy it. Then we cut back to the host and spokesperson, who also demonstrate the product, showing how simple and easy it is to use (and yes, they often use both "simple" and "easy" in one sentence). More montages, more demonstrations, more montages, more demonstrations, til the half-hour commercial is over.

And there are almost always some built-in phrases, like "But wait, that's not all..." or "Are you tired of..." or "If you call in the next 10 minutes, we'll throw in..." I know they're so predictable, but I love them! I love learning about these new and exciting products. Personally, I want to invent the next Snuggie and make a million dollars.

Mitch Hedburg said that they always sell these products for four easy payments of $19.99. "I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments, and one complicated payment! We ain't gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be hard!"

But here is a list of our (Kristen and my) favorite infomercials/products. We actually own some of them:

Magic Bullet (my favorite infomercial of all time - and I love our Magic Bullet)

Mighty Mend-it - doesn't work as good as it says it does, but it's not bad

Iron Gym (pull-up bar) - I used this almost every day when I was doing P90X

Windshield Wonder - This works great on our car windshield

Shark Steam Mop - I want this

ShamWow! - whether it works or not, that infomercial is sure entertaining

Ahh Bra - Kristen's new favorite to watch

Snuggie - when these first came out, the best part was the kids at the sports game trying to hi-five, and their blankets got in the way

Swivel Sweeper (vac) - it's awesome in the dramatizations where they keep running the vacuum into the table because it can't get under as well as the Swivel Sweeper

What are YOUR favorite infomercials/products?

UPDATE - Hole in the Wall

Who puts a pipe behind a living room wall?

When we moved to our little apartment in Orem in November, we started trying to make the place into a home. That meant arranging all of our furniture, putting up photos and paintings, and of course, setting up the surround sound. Little did I realize that when I drilled into the wall to put in an anchor for the speaker, I would drill into a pipe!

But this wasn't a regular pipe, so it didn't burst and start spraying water everywhere. No, this was a drainage pipe for the upstairs neighbor's kitchen sink. So it...um, trickled. We put up the speakers in November. Around May, we started noticing that the carpet in the corner of the house was wet. We called our landlady about it, but it took her a couple weeks before she came over and looked at it. Then she called in a handyman, who also took a week or two to get over here. Today he cracked open the wall to reveal, duh duh duh! A pipe with a hole in it. Fantastic.

Now our landlady will probably want to get us to pay for the damage and repairs. I sure hope not, though, because, honestly, who puts a pipe behind a living room wall?

**UPDATE**

Our landlady is making us take care of (and pay for) the repairs. Luckily, my good friend Gavin is helping us with it. Hallelujah! The most ridiculous thing, after living in this house, was what she asked me when I said I had someone coming to do the repairs: "Is he a professional?" He is, but I should have said, "Why? Almost nothing else in this apartment was done by a professional."

The heat for the apartment is provided by a gas fireplace that was added after the fact. They didn't even cut out the carpet - just put it on top (oh, and there are two ugly holes on either side of it that don't belong). The wire for the control is just dangling along the wall, and all along the edge of the carpet. There is a hole cut in the master bedroom wall with a fan set in place, and a cord hanging down to plug into the outlet below, because the heat from the fireplace won't go throughout the house without it, or something like that.

Every patch job that has been done in this place (aside from the one Gavin is doing) is clearly visible, and was done very poorly. The grout lines in the bathtub seems to have been painted, or something, and I think there was mold at some point, but they painted over it / caulked over it, so there were black spots coming through. I scraped out the old caulk and redid it myself, and did the best I could with the rest of the grout - it really needs to be completely redone. There is also a hole in the kitchen ceiling where the upstairs neighbors' washer leaked and came through. They have a piece of plywood over it, with a 2x4 holding that up. Is the guy I have coming to help a professional? Yeah - he's better than anyone else you've ever hired.

Anyway, here's a picture of where we are right now: