It's a Wonderful Life

"You see George, you really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?"

Sometimes we can't see how wonderful our lives really are, because we're in the midst of them. We don't see the ways in which we touch the lives of others. We don't see the past good we have done. We don't recognize that there are people who love and even rely on us. Instead, we only see our trials, our mistakes, our shortcomings, our flaws.

George Bailey was never able to do what he really wanted to do - he didn't go to college, travel Europe, get away from the Building and Loan... As a result, he was so preoccupied with his trials, with all that had gone wrong, that he couldn't see the wonderful blessings he had in his life, or all the good he had done. He even came to a point where he thought that the world would have been better without him. Clarence gave him the opportunity to see that world, and he didn't like it. What's more, he realized that everything he really wanted wasn't all the things he hadn't been able to do. Everything he always wanted he already had. It was at home with his wife and children. It was in the friendships he'd developed and in the good he'd been able to do for the people of Bedford Falls.

Life is difficult. It is hard work. Every reward, every relationship, every good thing we have doesn't come without some struggle - without some blood, sweat, or tears. Because if it does, it means nothing to us. We have a natural inclination to want to earn the things we have. But sometimes it seems the reward we're expecting never comes - that we work and wear out our lives for nothing, and we only see our trials. It is in those darkest moments that we should look to our Savior, Jesus Christ. It is His birth we celebrate at this time of year. He is the light and life of the world. He can remind us of who we truly are, and how much we mean to Him and to those around us. He can show us that it is worth it, in the end.

"Each man's life touches so many other lives, and when he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

I am so grateful for my wonderful family and friends. I am especially grateful for my wife - she is my strength and my support. May God bless you and your family this Christmas and always.

Operation Gratitude: New Ward, New Friends

We loved being in the primary in our old ward, but aside from the primary presidency and the kids, we didn't have any real friends in that ward. It was in a wealthier area, which meant that most of the adults were older (i.e. nowhere near our age), and we just didn't really make any friends.

We moved to our new house (see my last post) in July of last year, and our ward has a lot of people in similar situations to us. Kristen has especially made some new friends through her calling in young women. And there's also a guy in the ward who is in the MBA program with me, and he and I "talk shop" when we get together. Kristen and his wife have also gone to MBASA events together. I think it's just easier to relate to other people who are in a similar situation to you, who have similar experiences. It's why I immediately bond with other motorcycle riders. :)

Anyway, I'm grateful for good friends and a good ward.

Operation Gratitude: Willing Babysitters

I love being a dad. It's one of the best things ever. But I love being a husband even more. And that's the way it should be - they say the best way to show a child you love them is to love their mother. So every now and then, Kristen and I like to go out on a date, just the two of us. No baby to worry about.

I'm grateful for people who are willing to watch our little one so we can do that. The most prolific babysitter is grandma, of course, followed by granddad. But we've had just about every other close-by family member help us with this too: Uncle Aaron and Aunt Stephanie, Aunt Shannon, Great Aunt Joyce, Uncle Zach, Uncle Sean. It's wonderful to have people so willing to help us out, and who love our baby almost as much as we do. Thank you everyone!

Operation Gratitude: Great Landlords

This might seem a bit strange, but we have the best landlords ever. We found our house by accident - I accidentally selected "For Sale" instead of "For Rent" in my search criteria on KSL classifieds, and it was mistakenly classified as For Sale. It was the only option that popped up. Within two days, we had signed the contract.

Our home has much more room than our previous apartment (we needed it with the baby coming), has vaulted ceilings, a garage (which is great for storage, woodworking, and I love being able to keep our vehicles out of the weather), much more kitchen counter/storage space, and we just love it.

When we signed the contract, the owners of the house were actually on a mission in Africa, so we were dealing with the kids. Our landlords got back from their mission a few months later, and they have been so fantastic. We've had a couple issues, and they're always super quick to respond. For example, the motor on our heater went out last winter, and they had someone there to fix it a couple hours later. We mentioned that our dishwasher had a bad smell coming out of it (it was really old) - they replaced the whole thing. They also did a bunch of new landscaping recently, including switching out the old, broken-down fence for one that matched the neighbor's, adding a carport next to the garage, and putting up new outdoor lights.

They're also redoing the downstairs apartment somewhat, so they can have a place to stay when they're up here visiting grandkids (they're from St. George). A couple weeks ago, they were here painting, and we went down to say hi. While we were there, they also mentioned that they wanted us to cut our December rent in half, as a kind of Christmas present. How cool is that? Anyway, I'm very grateful for such wonderful landlords - I couldn't have asked for better.

Operation Gratitude: Technology

To anyone who spends time around me, it's no surprise that I love technology. My wife is most likely tired of hearing me say I want to control everything from my phone (i.e. the lights, garage door, TV, car, etc.), but I geek out over cool technology. I love my Samsung Galaxy SIII phone, my laptop, our iPad, my 60-inch TV (Kristen calls it a monstrosity). I love technology! I'm a little like Kip in that:

I most love what technology does for us. Technology allows us to connect instantly. Email, instant messaging, texts, phone calls, and now video calls/chats allow us to keep in contact with friends and family, as well as conduct business in real time around the world. I love being able to have my daughter see and talk with her grandparents, who are 1000 miles away, whenever she wants. Internet in the palm of our hands allows us to keep up-to-date on what's happening in the world, and connect another way: social networks.

I'm grateful for social networks, because that's technically how I met my wife. :) Without Mark Zuckerberg, who knows where I would be now. Social networks and blogs allow us to share memories and have shared experiences we might never have had otherwise. My phone has a digital camera in it that allows me to save memories visually, so that I can share them with others (and myself in the future). We take so many of these things for granted nowadays, but technology is quite incredible.

From a church perspective, technology also allows us to have access to all of the church materials, no matter where we are or what we're doing, and it allows the words of the prophets to be broadcast throughout the world. I am grateful for technology, and can't wait to see what the future holds. We'll have flying cars before you know it.

Operation Gratitude: My Wife

This is another one of those mushy posts, it's true. This time it's about my beautiful wife, Kristen. I know I've written a lot about her in the past, but this is different.

Four years ago today, we spoke for the first time. It seems like yesterday and yet like a million years ago. When we first met, I was surprised at all our similarities - we seemed to have so much in common. But let's be honest - how many guys wouldn't be amazed to find a girl who was so into Homestarrunner that she'd make a Homestar / Marzipan wedding cake topper? Or someone who knew more about Lord of the Rings and Star Wars than they did? Sometimes when we go see a comic book movie or another action movie, Kristen's mom asks her why we don't go see what Kristen wants to see. Little does she know. :)

Although we had many similarities, we were also very different. As all you married people out there know, two people who grow up in different families really come from different cultures. Kristen is from a family of artists - I'm from a family of business people. We just think differently. We had different concepts about how to communicate, cleaning, the holidays, spending time with family, how to raise children...we're still in disagreement about when our daughter is allowed to pierce her ears and wear makeup, in fact. Kristen says 8 is old enough for ear piercing, but makeup is for junior high. I say ears at 12, makeup whenever. I said let's compromise - she can wear makeup once she gets her ears pierced. Kristen doesn't think that's a satisfactory compromise.

But despite our differences, or maybe because of them, we've learned to work well together. Kristen has opened my world to so many new things that I never would have even considered before, both in terms of art/music/movies, as well as how to think about things. I've learned to be a better communicator, a better listener, a better friend, and certainly a better husband and father. And I hope I've been able to teach her something along the way as well.

I'm grateful she is patient with my shortcomings. She doesn't get upset with me when I'm too opinionated, or have to be right about something, or my neat-freak tendencies come to the surface. She encourages me in my goals, in my hopes and dreams. She is my cheerleader, my confidant, my best friend. She's also the best mother to my little girl I could have ever hoped for.

Operation Gratitude: Scarlett

I love being a dad. It could very well be one of the coolest things ever. I love having this tiny person wandering around the house, making messes wherever she goes. I love when she comes up to me with a book and sits in my lap so I will read to her. I love when she cuddles up on my chest after her bottle, right before bed. I love how she kicks her right leg when we carry her very messy self from the high chair to the bath. I love how she still grabs one foot and holds it up to her face (like a blanket) when she drinks her bottle.

Every day she's growing bigger, getting more curious about the world, imitating more of what we do and say. She's growing up, and it's happened so fast. Where did the last 14 months go? I must really be getting old to say this, but it truly seems like yesterday that she was so small I worried I would break her by holding her the wrong way (little did I know how tough babies really are). She keeps outgrowing clothes and shoes, and we say to each other, "Can you believe she used to fit into this?"

She is our sweetheart, our princess, our little squeaker (she'll probably think Squeaker is her name before she learns it's actually Scarlett). We both love her so much, and I am so grateful she came into our lives when she did. She was a miracle for our little family, and is just so much fun. I can't wait to see her grow into a young woman (and yet, I can certainly wait - I also want her to stay a baby forever). I am so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed our home with our sweet Miss Scarlett.

Operation Gratitude: School

I've tried this in the past, and didn't get very far. Last year I was going to do it but didn't get any posts done. Stuff came up, like a baby and graduate school applications. But I borrowed this from my friend Jamie (can I say we're friends, Jamie?). Either way, I borrowed the idea. I have so many blessings in my life, and "in nothing doth man offend God...save those who confess not his hand in all things."

Number one on my list: school. Kristen says I'm weird, because I've always loved going to school. I love learning new things, sitting in class listening to lectures (usually), studying and taking tests (seriously - it's weird). Now I'm back at BYU after being gone for almost five years, and I love it. I don't like continuously searching for a summer internship, interviewing with tons of companies, and not knowing what the future holds. I wish I had that sorted out, so I could focus on school, but alas. Not yet.

My official MBA photo

Being in the MBA program is so different than anything I've ever experienced. I really feel like part of a community - I know my professors and they know me by name (mostly). We are with the same 40 people each day for class, so I feel like I've made a ton of new friends. More than I've ever made at school before. I'm excited for their successes, and they for mine. 

And even though I said I don't like the whole interviewing process, I feel more confident about it than I ever did in the past. I look back and wonder how I ever got a job in the first place back in the day, with the state my resume was in, as well as my interviewing "technique." This program has helped me to improve the way I present myself like nothing I ever could have done before.

There are so many awesome things I could say about my schooling experience - I'm just grateful to be back in school, taking on this new adventure in my life.

Graduate School and Turning One

Holy cow - I haven't blogged in about 4 months. Sorry about that guys. But I have a bit of an excuse - well, at least for the past two months, anyway, because I'm in graduate school. And not just any graduate school, mind you. I'm in the Marriott School of Business at BYU, pursuing my MBA in Marketing. Wow, that's a mouthful, but I've gotten used to saying it. To be honest, talking about it kinda makes me feel like this guy:

I'm not that bad, though (I hope). This is a good example of how NOT to network, by the way. Anyway, so school is what takes up so much of my time these days. I have six core MBA classes that I have with the same section of people for every class. We are split into study groups of four or five students, and my group meets every day when we're not in class. We all have families and want to be able to be at home with them as much as possible, so we decided that we'd meet until 5 p.m. each day (like a job). We split up the readings and share them with each other during that time. It actually frees up time to work on other things, and is much more effective than all of us doing everything each day.

I'm also on the hunt for a summer internship, which is really what stresses me out right now. I'm working hard on interviewing skills, resume updating, applying for internships, etc. This coming week, I'm headed to Indianapolis for an MBA job conference, and have one interview lined up already (I wish I had more). Once I have a good internship lined up, I think I'll be able to rest a little easier. 

Also, at the beginning of this month we celebrated Scarlett's first birthday! She had refined sugar for the first time (she's had stuff with sugar in it like apple sauce or baby treats, but no candy or cake, etc.), and she loved it. Here's a picture of the sweet thing enjoying her cake:

All in all, it's been a busy few months, but we're loving life and doing well. I don't get to perform in A Christmas Carol this year (too busy), but Kristen does! She's playing a role she played once, five years ago, and is excited about playing again. Break a leg baby!

Beauty and Feminism

This started as a Facebook status, but I think it needed more. Being a new(ish) father of a daughter, I am becoming more and more aware of how the media shapes the "ideal" image of women. As a young man, I certainly saw a lot of advertising that showed off the muscular bodies of male celebrities. And more and more, you see buff, shirtless guys in movies (i.e. Thor, Captain America, Twilight, etc.), so there is certainly some external pressure on guys to look good, but nothing like there is on young women. (Not to mention, I don't think guys care as much - they think their bodies look good, even if they aren't.)

I don't want my daughter to define herself by how she looks. I want her to be healthy and take care of her appearance, of course. We should all try to look our best. But I don't want her to think that she needs to look a certain way to be considered beautiful or to feel she is of worth. I applaud groups like Beauty Redefined for seeking to share an appropriate view of body image.

But looking through some images, I found something that went in the wrong direction: specifically the Purple Paper Project at BeautyIsInside.com. At first, it sounded good - critique offensive ads with some snarky humor. And some of the images are spot on. But then I found some like this and this, that aren't talking about beauty at all, but just attack traditional gender roles.

I come from a home where my dad went to work, and my mom stayed at home with the kids. That was my parents' choice, and it worked for them. I am grateful I always had someone there when I got home from school. My wife and I have made the decision that she will stay at home with the kids, and I'll work outside the home to provide for my family.

So when did wanting to be a mother (and especially a SAHM) become a bad thing? I still can't believe this image. It says, "I used to have dreams. Now I just pretend that cooking and cleaning are all the fulfillment I need." Really? You don't find any fulfillment in being a mother? Because my fulfillment comes when my little girl smiles at me or lays her head on my shoulder. In that moment, I couldn't care less about any achievement at work. My coworker told me about an America's Next Top Model episode, where the girls were supposed to do a photo of what they had wanted to be when the grew up. One girl had wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and they reamed her for it. Why are women's rights important, unless they want to stay at home with their kids? Because then they're either being oppressed, or should be mocked for it?

And again, is it evil for marketers to advertise their projects to the people who are most likely to buy them? I personally do a lot of cleaning in my house - I'm much more of a neat freak than Kristen is - I even get excited about cleaning supplies like the Swiffer, and my mom bought me a Shark steam mop for Christmas. Not for Kristen - for me - because I asked for it (I don't think Kristen's even used it). But that doesn't mean I'm offended by this ad because I don't relate to the woman shown in the picture. I don't demand that there must be a man pictured cleaning instead.

Bottom line: proper body image=good, attacking people because they identify with traditional gender roles=bad.

Marriage and Optimism

Seeing as how I recently had my third wedding anniversary, I thought I'd say a few words on marriage (you know, being an expert and all with my many years of experience). I recently watched a TED talk about the optimism bias. We tend to overestimate the good things in our future, and downplay the bad (even confronted with the statistics). Although everyone knows that about 40% of marriages end in divorce, ask any newlyweds how they feel about their marriage going the distance. Virtually all new couples will tell you they think they will be in it for the long haul.

I think that's a great thing. Because how miserable would it be if you went into marriage thinking it would fail? If we are too cautious and too realistic about the future, we may be doomed to have a negative one. But the interesting thing about the optimism bias is that it's often a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we believe that good things are in store for us and act as if they are, they often come to fruition. And those who are optimistic about life (rather than realistic) are happier than those who aren't, even when faced with adversity.

Think about it this way. The optimistic person goes into a test thinking, "I'm a genius!" If they ace the test, they think, "I knew it. I'm going to get straight A's." If they do poorly, it was just bad luck that time, or they weren't quite as prepared as they should have been. But they'll do better next time, and they're still happy. The person who is not optimistic goes into the test thinking, "I probably won't do well." When they don't do well, they think, "I knew it." If they do perform well, they think it was just a fluke, and are still depressed.

Marriage is hard. I've said that before, but it really is the hardest thing I've ever done. I just counted in my head, and I can name a dozen friends my age who have been married and divorced. It seems like I keep hearing about friends who are getting divorced, and my heart goes out to them. I would never judge them for their decisions to divorce, because I don't know the situation. I know that marriage is harder than I ever would have imagined going into it, and I'll bet most married couples would agree. Nothing can prepare you for sharing your life and everything about yourself with another person. From weird quirks, to giving up some of your freedom, conferring with someone else before making purchases (or any big decisions), and just being a responsible adult. It's hard.

But it's worth it. Oh is it worth it. To me, marriage means never having to say good night at the door. It means not having to search for a date to the party. It's a hand to hold at the theater, someone to sit by at church, someone to cuddle with on the couch while reading a book or watching TV, someone to make dinner for (or who will make dinner for you). Marriage is the reason to come home from work at the end of the day, the reason to buckle up and drive safely, the reason to keep improving yourself (it's my motivation to exercise). Marriage means never needing to be alone. Above all, marriage means unconditional love and service.

Don't be fooled - marriage is something that you have to work at. You don't "fall into" love, and you don't "fall out of" love. You choose to be in love. You choose to actively love each other. You choose to accept quirks and be a responsible adult. You choose to share your life, and you choose to forgive.

      Have you ever wished for an endless night?
      Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
      Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

Yes, it gets even better. But only if we both choose to make it so.

Mothers

I turn 30 this year. It's quite a sobering thought - it really makes you think about your mortality. My body doesn't work as well as it used to. It's harder to lose weight / stay in shape. I have less patience for young people.

But getting older has another side effect - most of my friends and people I know are married and having children (if they don't already have a bunch). At work, conversations often include mentions of how many ounces of formula our kids are consuming or what percentile so-and-so was for head size at his/her last appointment. Or we talk about what movies we haven't seen lately.

When we become parents, things change dramatically. Our priorities shift. Our social life drops dramatically. We're always tired, and don't understand how people manage to stay up past midnight (and can't remember the last time we did it ourselves). Last night we went to see The Hunger Games at a midnight showing. After that, Kristen said, "Never again." And as I mentioned, our topics of conversation change. We become very different people.

But though I and my guy friends have changed, nowhere is the change more apparent than with new mothers. I look at my wife, and she is completely different than she was six months ago. She is kinder, more gentle, more patient, selfless... She is completely devoted to raising our little Scarlett.

I see the same change with other new mothers. It's most apparent with people I knew when they were single: my sister, my friends Janae, Nancy, LaChelle...the list could go on. These were all wonderful people to begin with, but it's amazing to see the difference becoming a mother has made.

Thank our Heavenly Father for good mothers. And fathers? Try to be as good as they are.

Dancing

Raising a kid is hard work. More for Kristen than for me. Scarlett is very demanding, and doesn't take very good naps. As a result, Kristen doesn't usually get to shower in the morning (I try to come home from work for lunch, and give her the chance), let alone really get ready for the day, poor dear.

Tonight, while we were making dinner, she left to feed Scarlett. When she came back to the kitchen and put Scarlett in her swing, she just seemed very tired. We had Spotify playing some Brad Paisley, and the song "New Favorite Memory" came on.

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. She started swaying back and forth a little bit, and I turned her around and kissed her, then pulled her close and we danced. I was suddenly overcome with gratitude that I am married to this beautiful woman who gives of herself and her time so selflessly to take care of our tiny little girl, and I offered a prayer to Heavenly Father, that He would always help me remember what's most important, and how blessed I am.

Day Zero 101

A few years ago, I started an experiment called Day Zero: 101 in 1001. The idea was to come up with 101 goals I wanted to accomplish, and to do them in 1001 days (roughly 2.75 years). I didn't quite accomplish all I'd set out to do, so I've decided to make another go of it. If you'd like to track my progress (and give me encouraging words of advice as I go), feel free to check it out here.

2011 Letter

Merry belated Christmas and Happy belated New Year! Here is a link to our 2011 Christmas letter. Enjoy!

Stuffed Mushrooms, a la Adam

So New Year's Eve, I tried out making my own stuffed mushrooms. We love stuffed mushrooms, and get them all the time at restaurants. Funny enough, I think my favorite are actually Olive Garden's.

I based my recipe off of a couple of other recipes I found, but added my own twists. Kristen's words after eating these were: "Home run babe. Home run." Most stuffed mushrooms have some kind of seafood in them (crab, clams, etc.), but these use the much more accessible bacon, and are super easy to make. I hope you enjoy them!

Ingredients
About 1/2 lb. (20-30) whole mushrooms
1 package cream cheese, softened
1/4 C. grated parmesan cheese
Dash of cayenne pepper (about 1/4 t.)
Dash of onion powder (about 1/4 t.)
6 slices bacon
1 medium clove garlic, minced fine
Italian bread crumbs (I use Progresso - only about $1-2 at the grocery store)

Cook the bacon slices in a pan until crispy. Wipe out the pan with paper towels, retaining a little of the bacon fat in the pan. Chop (or crumble) the bacon very fine.

Remove the stems from mushroom caps, and rinse both stems and caps well, then dry with a paper towel. Chop up the stems fine, then fry them with the garlic in the retained bacon fat. Once any moisture has evaporated (about 5 minutes - careful not to burn the garlic), mix them with the cream cheese, parmesan cheese, bacon, and spices.

Fill the mushroom caps with the cheese/bacon mixture (you can fill beyond the top - just don't add too much, or they will bubble over). Then dip the cheese-filled end in bread crumbs. This will help keep the filling from bubbling out of the mushroom.

Place the filled mushrooms (not touching) filling side up on a foil-lined baking sheet. Bake at 350 about 15-20 minutes, until the mushrooms are piping hot (the liquid from the mushrooms will start to pool under them). Enjoy!