Children

Let me begin by saying that this is an incredibly dangerous topic about which to write, but I'm going to risk it. And let me just say, yes - your baby is adorable. And yes, I may be lying.

Let me explain.

There is a saying that goes something along the lines of, all babies are beautiful. While this is a nice saying that makes everyone get warm fuzzies inside, it is actually a lie, perpetuated by nearly all women, to make mothers of unattractive babies feel better.

Let's face it - there are some ugly babies out there. Now, some people would genuinely argue with me and say, "No there aren't! All babies are beautiful!" I would venture to say that these individuals are the kinds of people who see the beauty in everyone. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't look for the inner beauty of each individual we meet. In fact, I'm strongly opposed to people being judged solely on physical appearance. But let's be honest with ourselves - there are some people out there who are physically unattractive. And think about it - if all babies are beautiful, where do ugly adults come from? Did they completely change from being beautiful to being ugly simply by growing up? Maybe. But not likely.

All I'm saying is that there are some physically unattractive babies in the world, and people need to publicly acknowledge the fact. Yes, all babies are precious gifts from God, and it's amazing to see new life created that is so fresh and innocent, but we needn't go so far as to say the kid is adorable, beautiful, pretty, or the most attractive baby we've ever seen...unless we mean it.

That having been said, I will wax hypocritical and return to my original comment: yes, your baby is adorable... But please don't ask me to elaborate.

That's Life

I got two letters today. One was tax information from my former employer: the agency I did my PR internship with. I originally thought I was going to be offered a job with them, but didn't get it. As a matter of fact, they even originally said they were going to offer it to me, then changed their minds. That was disappointing the first time, and continues to be disappointing when I think about it.

The other letter was from an organization I interviewed with for a PR position. They said thank you - you're great and all - just not great enough. And so, I am still a college graduate with no occupation and no career interviews pending. But eventually I'm sure I'll find something.

I've also found out recently about several friends from my mission / other church-related acquaintances, who have decided to leave the church, and/or who are not living in accordance with the principles of the gospel anymore. It's really hard to know that they should choose to take their lives in different directions, but all I can do is continue to love them and support them, and hope and pray they will come back to the church.

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May

But despite all the seemingly negative things around me, my mind is called back to the good things. I remember how much family and friends love me and want to see me succeed. I remember that I'm going to be employed shortly - not in my dream career job, but at least in something that will help me pay the bills and enable me to keep looking for that dream job. I remember that I'm doing my best to stay strong in my faith, to remember the atonement of my Savior. I remember how wonderful I felt last night reading the Book of Mormon. I remember that no matter how bad life seems sometimes, there's always a way out. And as long as I focus on what I can control instead on what I cannot, I will be happy and successful, and things will work out. Maybe not necessarily as I expected, but I know it will be good.

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

It will work out - I know that. And that's life.

Growing Up

I decided to write this after the fact, when I'm not in the heat of the moment, because I'm usually more coherent and understandable when I do it that way.

Anyway, here's what happened. I freaked out last night about growing up. Really - I freaked out. Me. Mister I -Have-It-All-Figured-Out-And-Don't-Worry- About-Anything-To-Do-With My-Future, freaked out. I don't think you understand the magnitude we're dealing with here. This last August, I didn't have anywhere to live for the fall (and was getting kicked out of my apartment in a couple weeks) and didn't yet have an internship secured for that semester, which was starting in September. Wait - no - not hadn't secured one yet - hadn't even started looking for one yet. Did I care? Was I worried? Nope. I was as cool as a cucumber. And I got an internship and picked an apartment complex in the space of about a week or so. Piece of cake.

But here's what's happened. I graduated. My parents told me long ago, graduation would be the cut-off point for assistance (luckily they're giving me a loan for the time being). Now I have a rent payment, a car payment, a cell phone payment, and the need for the basic necessities of life every month, but no money coming in with which to pay for said expenses. So I'm in debt for the first time in my life (to my parents, but still), and I have no job and no current prospects for one. I've applied for several this week, but of course nothing so far.

Oh, and to top it all off, I'm sick again. It seems like this happens right before I head back for Utah. If it has to happen, couldn't it happen at the beginning of break when my mom could take care of me? Lame.

After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot,
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
-Jamie Cullum, "Twentysomething"

Heroes

While driving back to Portland from Medford last week, I listened to the Focus on the Family Ministry. I'm not sure if that's what the station was called, or if it was a radio show on a local Christian radio station or something. But I heard some interesting things about marriage.

The host had on a couple who had written a book about marriage and how to keep your marriage alive, loving, etc. They had some really good insight into male and female psyche, and why we say or do certain things. One particularly interesting point for me was that when a woman asks her husband of 20 years, "Do these make me look fat?" she isn't really asking that question. What she really wants and needs is validation (as we all do) that even though she's gotten older, had a couple kids, maybe put on some weight...in other words, that she's changed from how she looked when she was a new bride...that even though she looks different, that her husband still loves her and is still attracted to her. She wants to know that he still thinks she's the most beautiful thing he ever laid eyes on. It's not so much a matter of wondering if she really looks fat in those jeans (although I'm sure there is some element of that) - it's more a question of, "Do you still love me?"

Another thing mentioned in the show was that many women were surveyed about what they want their husbands to know. The couple on the radio show said they figured they would get a long laundry list of things their husbands needed to do better. Instead, most women said, "I want him to know that even though he doesn't feel like he does enough or is good enough, I just want him to know that he really is my hero."

A hero.

An interesting word. I think a good definition of a hero is someone who does a brave or courageous deed, or is one who has noble qualities and serves as a model for others.

I hope that someday the woman I love can say that I am her hero.