Date Night

In Elder's Quorum the other week, we had a lesson that talked about strengthening the bond between fathers and children. A great topic, to be sure. The teacher asked the question, "How do you as fathers strengthen that bond with your children, or how have you observed your own father do that?"

One of the most common remarks was something along these lines. "I have an individual 'date night' with each of my children on a regular basis, where we spend time together, go out to eat, etc." At work, my boss mentioned that his wife does this with each of their boys too. I think that's a great idea. Spending some one-on-one time with each of your kids in a structured, scheduled way like this can be a great way to show them how much they mean to you. It's that "quality time" we always hear so much about. It's like how you make sure to take time out for a date night with your wife at least once a week - some time to remind her that she's your number one priority. My parents never really did this with me, but to be honest, I don't feel bad about that. I don't feel like I missed out on something that "could've been."

I did spend time with my parents. My dad always has a project he's working on. If it's not remodeling something in the house, it's working in the yard. Saturday mornings, he'd regularly say, "Wanna come with me?" on his way to run an errand to the store (usually the hardware store - I think it was through this that I developed a love of hardware stores). Often, we'd stop by the gas station for a soda and a candy bar on our way back.

And he'd talk to me. I wasn't much of a talker then, but he'd talk to me. He'd tell me stories about his childhood, about his life, about what was going on with work. And I loved listening to his stories. I'm sure sometimes he probably wondered if any of it was getting through, because I don't think I responded much. But it did - it always did. I just wish I'd taken the opportunity to take those drives with him more often.

I knew he cared about me and what was going on with me, because he spent time with me. He wasn't so tired at the end of the day that he didn't want to spend time with his family. Sometimes it was quality time, but sometimes it was just "quantity time." I think it's so important to just be there for your family.

Often I hear so much about how important it is to really work hard to get ahead in your career. And I would never criticize someone else for their choices, but my career is not so important to me that I want to sacrifice family time in order to get ahead. Don't get me wrong - I believe in hard work, and think it's important to give 100% when you're on the job. I learned that from my dad. But I don't think you have to regularly put in 80-hour weeks to give it your all. And if that means that my family is never going to have the big house and lots of fun toys, and I have to continue to work and save all my life, I'm okay with that.

But you know what? I think you can work hard and get ahead, and still not sacrifice that coveted time with your family to do it. It requires good organization, careful planning and hard work, but it can happen. I'm grateful for parents who worked hard, but still managed to find time to spend with me, and that's what I'm aiming for too.