Wedding Plans

With only 5 weeks left until my wedding, I thought that I would share some insights into wedding planning that I’ve learned (from the groom’s perspective).

First of all, for the groom, the engagement period is a time to prove that you really are in love with this girl, because you commitment is going to be tried. The bride is going to be constantly stressed out about making plans, making decisions, dealing with her mother (let’s be honest – even the best mother-daughter relationships get a little rocky during wedding planning), and it’s the groom’s job to be the calming influence. He has to learn to be incredibly patient, not be easily offended, and be willing to do anything the bride asks of him without feeling frustrated, annoyed, or neglected.

His job is also to remember that everyone (especially the bride and her mother) are in a different state of mind pre-wedding, but that everyone will go back to normal the moment the reception is over. I saw this with my sister’s wedding. My mom was a completely different person (I had never seen her that way) the whole weekend I was home for the wedding (let’s face it – she was freaking out). But the moment the decorations and food were taken down and carted back to the house, she was back to her normal self. It was a strange thing to witness.

As the groom, you need to remember that during the engagement, the girl you asked to marry you will become a different woman: one who can become a little bit crazy on occasion. You must remember this is not indicative of her mental state, or how she will act when you are married. It’s just the stress of planning a wedding. Also remember that you can influence this state, either for good or for ill.

My brother-in-law managed to avoid all the wedding craziness. He was working several hundred miles away from my sister during most of their engagement, and was only with her the last couple weeks, when most everything had already been planned. Did he do it the right way or no? Who knows?

Now, my advice to you future grooms for a happy engagement:

1. Never offer your opinion about anything, unless asked. If you are asked, give your opinion honestly, but let your bride know you’ll still like whatever she chooses.
2. Fight the constant desire we men have to be logical and solve problems that way. This is also important to remember in marriage, but especially important during the engagement. Wedding planning is never logical. Honestly, who would spend thousands of dollars on a one-day event, were they being logical? Let her do it how she wants.
3. Take a break from wedding stuff every day, and have some together time. If you don’t, you’ll both go crazy. It doesn’t matter whether you have a million things to do. Just take some time to relax: watch a movie, cook dinner together, whatever.
4. This one ties in to the last one, but keep going on dates. Don’t stop simply because you’re engaged. It’s possibly even more important to continue courting each other while you’re engaged than it was prior to the engagement.
5. Make sure your bride knows how much you love her – tell her often, and do little things for her to show her you still love her, even though she gets crazy sometimes. :)

And lastly…
6. Remember that your bride loves you very much, even when the stress of the wedding puts her in a less-than-positive mood.

If you follow this advice, I think you’ll find you have a good engagement, and will continue to be excited for the big day, and the many that will follow it.