Love & Marriage

Before my sister and future brother-in-law walked into the sealing room for their wedding, I looked around the room at all the people who had sullen and dismal expressions on their faces, and told them to lighten up: "This is a wedding! You're supposed to be happy! I think if I was ever a sealer, I wouldn't be able to resist, and at some point I'd say, 'Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.' Which is why I'll probably never be a sealer."

I got a few chuckles and smiles, which is what I was going for. I just hated how sad and dismal everyone looked at such a happy time. And then, who cried the most when the wedding was over and he was hugging his little sister? Me, of course. Well, maybe it was a draw between the two of us.

At my wedding, I told her not to cry. :)

April 30, 2009 was the happiest day of my entire life. As I walked out of the temple with my sweetheart, holding her hand, everything was perfect. The weather, which we had worried about for weeks, cooperated and was gorgeous all day, allowing us to have our reception line outside, like Kristen had always wanted. She was beautiful. The reception center looked great. The music was fantastic. The dancing was fun. All in all, it was just a good, fun day. Even the confetti that was thrown in the car right before we left couldn't put a damper on things.

And in my many, many days of marriage (28 so far), it's been wonderful. :) I've learned, though, that marriage isn't easy. People always tell you that, but you don't truly understand. At least, not until you're actually married. All of a sudden, you have another person living with you. Someone with a different way of doing things, who was raised differently, who, essentially, comes from a different culture.

I mean, you do your best to talk about things before the wedding, to make the transition as smooth as possible, but there's no way you could think of everything. There are all kinds of things someone may do subconsciously that you're not used to.

But despite the bumps in the road we've experienced and I'm sure we'll continue to experience, we are happy, we're in love, and we're looking forward to spending an eternity together.

Blogging...

I like to read blogs. No, I take that back. I like to read interesting blogs. And I prefer reading the blogs of people I know, but have occasionally ventured onto blogs of people I don’t. While blog-surfing, I’ve noticed that it seems a lot of bloggers out there are stay-at-home moms, and their primary blogging topic is their kids.

Now, not to attack anyone in particular or hurt anyone’s feelings (I’m sure I’ll lose a few readers with this post), but those blogs are usually pretty boring. Even if you’re friends with the person, if you don’t have a vested interest in the children (i.e. their uncle or grandmother), you don’t really care that much. Unless it’s something really interesting (like my friend who recently adopted and wrote about her new son), I’ll usually only skim the entry.

This is not to say that there aren’t kid blogs out there I think are very interesting, or that it’s never okay to write about your kids. If the blog is primarily to keep your family up-to-date on your family over long distances, it makes sense to blog about your kids. Or if once and a while your child does something really spectacular or interesting, and you want to share it with everyone, go for it (i.e. posting a video of your child’s first steps).

And kid-blogging is not the only blogging sin. There are also those people who only blog when they want to post pictures of their most recent trip. One would think by looking at their blog that they are constantly on vacation. While these posts try to make up for a lack of interesting content by using pretty pictures, they really only amount to glorified slide shows. And I don’t mean the cool, movie-type slideshows. I mean the boring, sit-in-the-dark, use-a-clicker-attached-to-the-machine-to-advance-the-slides slideshow.

Both fortunately and unfortunately, with the advent of the web, everyone can publish their thoughts for the world to see. Many people think of blogs as online journals, and looking at it that way, it shows the difference in the way people see the world. Some write the events of the day, while others write their thoughts and feelings, and insights gained. I think a healthy blend of both is what makes a good blog (leaning more towards the thoughts, feelings, and insights side). I don’t claim to have the most interesting blog in the world, but I like to think that I post moderately interesting content a majority of the time. But hey, that’s me. What do you think?

Wedding Plans

With only 5 weeks left until my wedding, I thought that I would share some insights into wedding planning that I’ve learned (from the groom’s perspective).

First of all, for the groom, the engagement period is a time to prove that you really are in love with this girl, because you commitment is going to be tried. The bride is going to be constantly stressed out about making plans, making decisions, dealing with her mother (let’s be honest – even the best mother-daughter relationships get a little rocky during wedding planning), and it’s the groom’s job to be the calming influence. He has to learn to be incredibly patient, not be easily offended, and be willing to do anything the bride asks of him without feeling frustrated, annoyed, or neglected.

His job is also to remember that everyone (especially the bride and her mother) are in a different state of mind pre-wedding, but that everyone will go back to normal the moment the reception is over. I saw this with my sister’s wedding. My mom was a completely different person (I had never seen her that way) the whole weekend I was home for the wedding (let’s face it – she was freaking out). But the moment the decorations and food were taken down and carted back to the house, she was back to her normal self. It was a strange thing to witness.

As the groom, you need to remember that during the engagement, the girl you asked to marry you will become a different woman: one who can become a little bit crazy on occasion. You must remember this is not indicative of her mental state, or how she will act when you are married. It’s just the stress of planning a wedding. Also remember that you can influence this state, either for good or for ill.

My brother-in-law managed to avoid all the wedding craziness. He was working several hundred miles away from my sister during most of their engagement, and was only with her the last couple weeks, when most everything had already been planned. Did he do it the right way or no? Who knows?

Now, my advice to you future grooms for a happy engagement:

1. Never offer your opinion about anything, unless asked. If you are asked, give your opinion honestly, but let your bride know you’ll still like whatever she chooses.
2. Fight the constant desire we men have to be logical and solve problems that way. This is also important to remember in marriage, but especially important during the engagement. Wedding planning is never logical. Honestly, who would spend thousands of dollars on a one-day event, were they being logical? Let her do it how she wants.
3. Take a break from wedding stuff every day, and have some together time. If you don’t, you’ll both go crazy. It doesn’t matter whether you have a million things to do. Just take some time to relax: watch a movie, cook dinner together, whatever.
4. This one ties in to the last one, but keep going on dates. Don’t stop simply because you’re engaged. It’s possibly even more important to continue courting each other while you’re engaged than it was prior to the engagement.
5. Make sure your bride knows how much you love her – tell her often, and do little things for her to show her you still love her, even though she gets crazy sometimes. :)

And lastly…
6. Remember that your bride loves you very much, even when the stress of the wedding puts her in a less-than-positive mood.

If you follow this advice, I think you’ll find you have a good engagement, and will continue to be excited for the big day, and the many that will follow it.

LOL

Do you know which internet abbreviation is the most obnoxious? "LOL." Honestly, have you ever heard someone actually say "laugh out loud" (at least, before the advent of the internet)? No! Even if people are trying to show they are laughing (which they’re usually not – they just want to make people believe they are), couldn’t they use "haha" or even "hehe," or even the computer-speak smiley face? :) Anything would be better than the dreaded LOL.

Now apparently, no one laughs as much as teenagers, who use the three-letter combination incessantly, interspersed throughout their messages. Allow me to illustrate, with no exaggeration on my part. Here is an excerpt from an actual* teenager’s e-mail (oh, and to warn you, they don’t use capitalization, and seldom use punctuation…I believe it’s because it must cost more to text a capital letter, and it takes way too much time to add in a comma while "IM-ing"):

"…and then lol I was walking to class with jim lol and he totally was like what are you doing after class lol so I told him im going to my friends house to study lol and he was like well when are you going to be done lol…"

Oh, I can’t read it anymore. Now, I’ve come up with several theories as to why people use the abbreviation "LOL." 1. As is apparent from the previous excerpt, perhaps they think it serves as an all purpose punctuation mark. 2. Another idea is that maybe LOL is used to let people know you think something is funny when in fact it is not. 3. Or maybe, people use LOL to convince others that despite their typically surly attitudes, they are in fact very happy individuals, and "laugh out loud" on a constant basis, no matter what they are doing.

Regardless of the reason, LOL is a scourge on the English-speaking world, and must be obliterated. There are other stupid words that have come into existence that should likewise not have made their way into teenage slang ("sick" meaning "cool," "bling," etc.), but LOL is at the top of the list.

--
*not from an actual teenager

My Happy Ending

I’m in a play that opens tonight (you should all come see it, by the way). But I can relate to my character. His name is Darryl, and is described in the script with one word: cynical. In one scene, he is on a date with a girl named Dresden, and they’re "people-watching." The conversation goes something like this:

Darryl: What about that one?
Dresden: She’s obviously into him, but he’s…
Darryl: What?
Dresden: Holding back, and I can’t see why. Could she make it more obvious?
Darryl: Probably.
Dresden: And him?
Darryl: Maybe he’s been hurt before, or…disillusioned.
Dresden: So what? He’s given up?
Darryl: No way. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here, in the park...with her.

I wrote a post back in July, where I detailed what I was feeling at the time. It was not a good time for me. Though I was trying to change my attitude and how I felt, I was depressed, disillusioned, and didn’t seem to be able to pull myself out of it. But I said something I’d like to take back now.

I said, "I just don’t believe in fairy tales anymore." That’s no longer true. I do believe in fairy tales, and I believe in happily ever after. Because I found my happy ending – I found my happily ever after, and I love her so much. It hasn’t been an easy road, and I know that if I want to grow into a better, stronger person, trials and struggles will never let up, but I do know that I’ll be happy.

Because I think the key to being happy while going through our trials is discovering why we’re having them in the first place. If we do that, we can have a different attitude about why we’re having them. And I think it will help having someone who’s always there, going through them alongside you. They say that if you put two horses together, they can pull four times the weight either one of them could pull alone. I believe that, because I know that I'm stronger when Kristen is by my side.

-----
And they lived happily ever after.

I'm Engaged!!!

Okay, so people keep asking me for the story of how I did it, so I figured I'd post it up here.

Last night, Kristen and I went on a double date with her roommate Janae and Janae's fiance Richard. We told the girls that the date was a surprise. The only thing they knew was that we were going to dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory. So we go to dinner, enjoy ourselves, enjoy the food, and then Janae signals Kristen with the secret girl code that she needed to use the restroom. For some reason, girls cannot go to the bathroom alone when in a group setting. I know it's usually partly the whole talk about your date thing, but I also think it's a natural aversion girls have to odd numbers.

Anyway, we used this knowledge about girls to our advantage, and had Janae (who was a co-conspirator in the whole thing) do that on purpose. Richard and I hurried and paid, then left, and left a message and his car keys on the table. Now, we'd all come in the same car, but Richard and I had driven by earlier to drop off his car near the restaurant.

The message we left the girls was this:
This is the beginning of your Super Secret Fun Date. It will be the most fun you’ve had in a long time. You will experience thrills, chills, ooh’s and aah’s, and will love us both more with each new adventure you have. We are now in two different locations, and you will have to follow the trail of clues to get to us and get the grand prize. Are you ready? The clues are really hard. Here goes.

We then proceeded to send the girls to places of significance to our respective relationships. They alternated with clues for Kristen and clues for Janae, and at each spot, they received little gifts. [Consequently, all this time, Richard and I were chilling in the car, chatting. At one point, I said, "You know, we're probably going to be spending a lot of time together. As your fiance and my soon-to-be-fiance are each other's maids of honor and all. Good thing you're able to tolerate my presence." We had a good laugh about that.] The next to last clue led to where Richard had proposed to Janae, and he was there waiting with the last clue, which read:

I gave you your ideal _____ here.
Almost there! When we’re all together, we’ll give you both the grand prize. Don’t ask Richard what it is – he won’t tell.

When Kristen and I were first getting to know each other, somehow the subject of kissing came up, and she asked me if I had a "perfect kiss" or an "ideal kiss" or something along those lines. I didn't. I doubt many boys do - apparently it's a girl thing. So I asked her if she had one, and she said yes. It involved playgrounds and being pushed on a swing, then being kissed while the boy stood in front of her, holding the chains while she still sat on the swing. Anyway, so I decided that the first time I kissed Kristen (if I kissed her - I wasn't sure at the time as we were just getting to know each other), I would give her her ideal kiss. Often, first kisses are awkward or lame or just disappointing, but I was determined that ours wouldn't be.

So for her last clue, Kristen went to the same playground where we had our first kiss. She came bounding out of the car all smiles, and hugged me and kissed me and said how much fun she'd had. After a second, I asked her if she was ready for the grand prize. She said yes, and so I stepped back and knelt down on the snow and looked up at her. I said, "I love you and I want to be with you forever." As I was saying that, I took the box out of my coat pocket and held it in front of her. Then I said, "Kristen Marie Southerland," and opened the box. "Will you marry me?"

She was crying and smiling so huge, as she said, "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" I stood up (closing the ring box as I did so) and hugged her and kissed her (a few times), then pulled away and opened the ring box, pulled out the ring, and put it on her finger. After more kisses and hugs, I smiled and said, "Go ahead," as she proceeded to yell (to Janae), "I'm engaged!"

And there was much running and rejoicing and yelling and hugging on the part of the two girls (who are best friends, if you haven't gathered as much by this point). It was a lot of fun, and I hope it will be a good memory for her - one that's fun to tell later on.

The Calm Amidst the Storm

I've felt like blogging for a long while, but the muse just hasn't been with me. Perhaps she is today – I’ll give it a shot.

My life was full of tumultuous ups and downs in 2008. I can’t honestly say that it wasn't partially (or even mostly) my fault, but it's definitely been an eventful year. From being an unemployed college graduate, to getting out of a serious relationship / having my heart broken, to moving out of the city where I've lived the last 4 years, to the economy being in a downward spiral and worrying about the future of our nation, it hasn't been the smoothest transition into adulthood.

But in the last couple months, something has happened that's put everything in perspective and made all my trials worth it. Just when I thought I would never be able to love again (and I do mean that – it’s not just for dramatic emphasis), along came the one person who could make me feel happy again. She takes care of me, adores me, and just wants to make me happy. She loves me more than I ever thought any girl could, and she makes me feel like a million bucks.

Okay – just a little bit about her… Her name is Kristen, she's from Orem, is an artist (studying studio art at BYU), works as an assistant manager at Coney’s (frozen custard), and is 5’7” with wavy, dark-brown hair and a gorgeous smile. :) I absolutely adore her.

Sometimes it seems surreal, that she shouldn't love me so much, but she does. And it makes me smile. In fact, from our first date (and especially since our first kiss), neither one of us can get the huge smiles off of our faces. :D

We have a lot of similar likes/dislikes. We both love Homestar Runner and Star Wars, hate onions, and want to live either near the mountains or the ocean (in other words, we refuse to live in the so-called “Great” Plains area of the United States). :) But she's so easy to talk to, and I love being around her.

Now, I’m not making any prophecies about our relationship or where it’s going to go. But regardless of what happens between us, I am extremely grateful that she came into my life, and at just the time she did.