Update On My Life

So…I met this cute girl. :) 

Okay, so that was just an attention-grabber. But really, what is it with us human beings and being obsessed with each other’s love lives? I don’t get it either. 

Now seriously, I’ve been having a pretty good time lately. I AM still sleeping on the floor in my new apartment, because I don’t have a mattress yet (although I do have a bed which is completely put together in my room). Oh well. Baby steps, right? And no internet access at home, with just limited access at work - this is being posted from my Blackberry actually. 

Saturday night was the closing night of one of my shows, and I had some of the cast of Beauty and the Beast come watch. Then they invited me to come to ice cream with them afterwards. It was way fun, even if I did sit next to Tyler instead of Mary or Deba…grr Tyler! :) 

And Mary has been trying to get me to go into film. She loves it, and keeps encouraging me to get into it too. So I went with her to Salt Lake on Monday for a small class she’s been taking on film auditions. It’s taught by Jeff Johnson, a guy who is one of the primary casting directors in Utah. For those of you who love High School Musical 1-3, he was one of the casting directors for those films. In fact, I met one of the cheerleaders from it, who's also in the class (she’s also in 2 and 3 – her name’s Bayli Baker). 

It was a cool class, and it was good to get some pointers on auditioning for film. I’ve never done a film audition, but I’d like to. We all did one-liners in front of the camera, and when we were watching them at the end of class, Jeff said mine was really good, then asked, “Do you have an agent?” I said no. He said, “Why not??!” That made me feel really good. I think Mary was as excited for me as I was (or moreso). She told Jeff that I was just starting in film, and that we would get all that stuff taken care of. 

 And P.S. Can I just give a shout out to Mary? She’s totally cool. She’s my age (which is different – I’m usually hanging around people who are a bit younger than me, or some who are a little older), she works in the temple, she’s been in a couple seminary movies and at least one regular movie, she’s beautiful (she was Miss Springville/Mapleton 2007 and competed in Miss Utah last year), and she’s studying anthropology at BYU and wants to do a field study in Africa. Just totally awesome. She’d probably be embarrassed by all that, but I don’t think she reads this blog. Haha. :D

Dating...ugh

Every once and a while, I seem to get this urge to write something, anything. Even if there’s nothing in particular on my mind I want to talk about. For example, it’s only been since 6 days since I last posted, and yet I really want to write something.

Looking back at my last three blogs, I wrote about: a book, a movie, and a play. It would seem that I should turn into a professional or amateur reviewer. But really…they’ve all been about me.

Because typically, blog entries are online diaries where people share their emotions and feelings with the rest of the world. [As a side note, I know that people as far away as the Philippines and Finland read my blog, so you really are speaking to the world in a blog.] But the interesting thing about blogs is that when you share your feelings with the world, you can do so without explicitly saying anything about what you’re really feeling. Sure, it’s a cop-out, but at the same time, it’s a pretty cool cop-out.

You know what (abrupt subject change)? I think I’ve started to like dating again… Just a little bit, though. But let me just say, for the record, that I hate the first date conversations. You know, the ones that are usually so shallow and pointless, that typically start and end with, “Where are you from? What’s your major?” Sure, that information is interesting and part of getting to know someone, but I like going on first dates with someone you’ve already started to get to know – someone you can talk to in more depth than that. I feel in that situation you can really get to know someone better.

Dating is just so obnoxious – especially the games. I think what’s different this time around is that I refuse to play them. Sure, I’ll flirt and everything, but I’m upfront about it. I’m willing to say, “Hey – I like you. Do you want to go out with me?” I have no pretentions and no hidden agendas…and I think that girls can tell the difference.

I mean, I do miss being in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you have someone to come home to at night, someone you can always talk to. You almost never have to be alone unless you really want to be. You don’t have to worry whether or not you’ll have plans that weekend (unless she wants to go out with her girlfriends or something). You have someone who cares about you and who misses you when you’re not around, and who loves to just snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with you. You can do fun things together and go on cool dates, but you don’t have to. Because you’re also totally comfortable sitting in silence with your best friend, just enjoying each other’s company.

One of my favorite memories of being in a relationship was sitting on the couch, reading a book, while my girlfriend lay on my lap and held my hand as she watched TV. Later that evening she asked, “Is this what being married is like?” I said, “I think so.” And it may sound weird to people who haven’t had the same experience, but I sure hope marriage is like that, because it was wonderful.

I’ve thought about why things are so difficult for me lately. Whether it’s because we were together for so long that I just miss being in a relationship (let’s face it – I’ve never really enjoyed dating), or if I really just miss being with her.

And I know now...that it’s her.

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake." -- Little Manhattan

Pride and Prejudice

My friend gave me some comp tickets to Pride and Prejudice, a new musical that's showing at the Scera in Orem, so I went tonight. I've never been a die-hard fan of the story, but I will admit that I do like it. I've seen the new movie (with Keira Knightley) twice, and I also really enjoyed watching this play.

There were some cheesy moments - let's be honest. Some of the songs were a little corny, and where they were placed in relation to the dialogue was not always where I would have expected a song. For example, one brief love song between Bingley and Jane made me laugh, because it came right when they declared their love for each other. I expected them to kiss right then, but got a cheesy love song first. But on the whole, it was a good play, and the actors did really well with the material.

My favorite part of the musical was when Elizabeth finds out that Lydia has run off with Wickham. Elizabeth is naturally distraught, but Darcy promises her things will be all right. When she leaves, he sings a song called Ask Me For the Stars. I wish I had the music, because I want to put down exactly what he said. But he essentially said, I love you and I would do absolutely anything you asked me to do. No matter what you need, I will always be there, taking care of you. Even if you don't know I was the one to help you, that doesn't matter to me. I will still be there, your invisible guardian angel. Ask me for the stars, and I'll get them for you.

Joseph Smith once said of Emma, "I would go to hell for such a woman." I would add to that: "and I would get you the stars if you asked me for them."

Little Manhattan

I watched one of the cutest movies ever over the last couple days (I haven’t really had a lot of free time lately, so I tend watch things in installments). The movie is called Little Manhattan, and it’s about Gabe and Rosemary, two 11-year-olds from New York who fall in love one summer, before Rosemary leaves to go to summer camp, then off to private school. Throughout the movie, one of the back stories is that Gabe’s parents have been in the middle of a divorce for more than a year (but are still living together for some odd reason), and Gabe’s mom has started to date again. As a side note, I can imagine it’d be really weird for her dates to have her husband greet them at the door. [WARNING: Spoiler alert. I highly recommend watching the movie before reading this post. I’m planning on buying it, so you could wait ’til then to borrow it from me, or you can also watch it here.]

Anyway, the movie taught me something about love that I didn’t realize, until my friend pointed it out to me. At one point, Gabe says something to Rosemary he doesn’t mean, and ends up miserable because of it. To stop the pain, he then convinces himself that he doesn’t care about her anymore. The next day he’s talking to his dad about love:

Gabe: Dad, what's the deal with girls? I mean, why are they the way they are?
Dad: You're talking to the wrong man.
Gabe: Well, how come all love has to end?
Dad: Let me tell you something about me and your mom. Once upon a time, we really loved each other, but as time went by, there just got to be all these things, little things, stupid things, that were left unsaid. And all these things that were left unsaid piled up, like the clutter in our storage room. And after awhile, there was so much that was left unsaid, that we barely said anything at all.
Gabe: Well, why didn't you just say them then, dad?
Dad: I don't know, Gabe. I kind of wish I had.

Because of that conversation, Gabe has a revelation that he still liked Rosemary – but more than that, he loved her. And he knew he had to tell her he didn’t mean what he’d said before. “I couldn't escape them, all the little things I left unsaid – I was drowning in them.” So he does – he risks everything (emotionally) to tell her that he loves her. Which quite naturally leaves her in shock. She is only eleven, after all.

Gabe: You think you might wanna love me, too?
Rosemary: I don't know what I think, Gabe, I'm only 11. I don't think I'm ready to be in love…but I'm really happy you came.

That, “but I’m really happy you came,” made putting his heart out there worth it. And even though they had to go their separate ways, something good came out of his experience. When Gabe came home after that talk with Rosemary, he found his parents laughing and talking together. When his mom left the room, his dad bent down and said to him, “I just cleared some old stuff out of the storage room.”

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake."

What my friend helped me realize is this. Even knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I gained in my last year and a half for anything, because it made me who I am now.

Twilight and Relationships

Breaking Dawn came out today. For those of you non-vampire-lovers, it's the newest book in the Twilight sage, the series by Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon mom from Arizona. She is a BYU grad, and her Twilight series has been called the next Harry Potter, although because it deals with subject matter that is more mature than HP and focuses primarily on the relationship of a teenage girl and her vampire boyfriend, it reaches a smaller demographic (primarily teenage girls).

An understanding of the book is not necessary to the reading of this post, but it probably helps. And part of the reason for writing this is to let you know that not only teenage girls read the book. Although, being a 20-something male, reading the books in public may get you some weird looks and/or comments from others. Well, at least my friend Wyatt told me he'll reserve judgment on me for reading the book, which is nice.

Here's a basic rundown of the story for those who haven't read the books. [WARNING: Spoiler alert] Bella is a high school senior who meets and falls in love with a vampire (Edward), who is a good vampire living among humans (doesn't drink human blood). Bella and Edward fall in love, but Edward decides that by being around, he's endangering Bella, so he abruptly leaves her, sending her spiraling into depression. At that point, along comes Jacob, who is slightly younger than Bella, but who adores her. He brings her almost out of her comatose state, and Bella starts to live her life again. She calls Jacob her "sun."But then Edward returns for Bella, making it necessary for her to choose with whom she wants to be. Oh yeah, and turns out, Jacob is a werewolf, which is the mortal enemy of the vampire.

Kinda far-fetched, but a very compelling and interesting story, which is why I've read the books, and I can't wait to get further into the new book (I've been reading my friend Janae's copy backstage at performances today and have gotten to page 136 as of this writing).

I think part of the reason I like this series is because I used to see my life paralleled in the books, especially in Jacob's story. Analyzing it now, though, I don't think that really holds quite true (although I am still admittedly on Team Jacob), but I have been able to draw some interesting thoughts from my reading. Here's how I see it.

Both Edward and Jacob have their flaws. In their actions, Jacob is hot and impulsive, while Edward is cool and deliberate. Jacob is young and somewhat emotionally immature, but he is the best friend Bella has ever had. She even says she never did anything to deserve such a wonderful friend as Jacob. But at the same time, he is somewhat selfish - he wants Bella to love him like he loves her, and he's stubborn and refuses to make the decision easy for her. Basically, he won't give up. On the other hand, Edward loves Bella so much, he will do whatever he thinks is best for her (often without regard for what she thinks).

Edward may seem perfect to Bella, but it is exactly that "perfection" that makes him imperfect. It is that absolute desire to do what is best for Bella that leads to him hurting her more than anything or anyone else ever did. And it is that controlling nature he has that makes his seeming perfection unreal (and really sends up red flags for the relationship).

Now here's my plug for Jacob, and let me apply it to relationships in general. Some people attack Jacob because he's somewhat immature and selfish, and was rash and made mistakes in how he dealt with Bella. But I'm willing to give him a little latitude, because he was younger. As he gets older, he'll learn and grow and become more emotionally mature (it even shows him progressing somewhat on that front in the books). Edward, however, does not get the same accommodation, as he is about 90 years old. He should have already learned from his mistakes along the way.

Now I've talked about this before, but you shouldn't be looking for perfection in a mate. You should be looking for someone who loves you and who makes you want to be a better person, but not someone who is perfect. If you think someone is perfect, that should send up more red flags. One of the great things about truly being in love is that you can even learn to love someone's flaws.

But quite honestly, I don't blame Edward or Jacob for the problems - I blame Bella. And really, Bella was starting to drive me nuts in the books. And even though the book has turned out the way it has so far (which doesn't make me happy, by the way), I'm at least glad that Bella isn't fickle anymore. I'm excited to read more.

So go and read these books - they're good.

That's all.