Dating...ugh

Every once and a while, I seem to get this urge to write something, anything. Even if there’s nothing in particular on my mind I want to talk about. For example, it’s only been since 6 days since I last posted, and yet I really want to write something.

Looking back at my last three blogs, I wrote about: a book, a movie, and a play. It would seem that I should turn into a professional or amateur reviewer. But really…they’ve all been about me.

Because typically, blog entries are online diaries where people share their emotions and feelings with the rest of the world. [As a side note, I know that people as far away as the Philippines and Finland read my blog, so you really are speaking to the world in a blog.] But the interesting thing about blogs is that when you share your feelings with the world, you can do so without explicitly saying anything about what you’re really feeling. Sure, it’s a cop-out, but at the same time, it’s a pretty cool cop-out.

You know what (abrupt subject change)? I think I’ve started to like dating again… Just a little bit, though. But let me just say, for the record, that I hate the first date conversations. You know, the ones that are usually so shallow and pointless, that typically start and end with, “Where are you from? What’s your major?” Sure, that information is interesting and part of getting to know someone, but I like going on first dates with someone you’ve already started to get to know – someone you can talk to in more depth than that. I feel in that situation you can really get to know someone better.

Dating is just so obnoxious – especially the games. I think what’s different this time around is that I refuse to play them. Sure, I’ll flirt and everything, but I’m upfront about it. I’m willing to say, “Hey – I like you. Do you want to go out with me?” I have no pretentions and no hidden agendas…and I think that girls can tell the difference.

I mean, I do miss being in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you have someone to come home to at night, someone you can always talk to. You almost never have to be alone unless you really want to be. You don’t have to worry whether or not you’ll have plans that weekend (unless she wants to go out with her girlfriends or something). You have someone who cares about you and who misses you when you’re not around, and who loves to just snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with you. You can do fun things together and go on cool dates, but you don’t have to. Because you’re also totally comfortable sitting in silence with your best friend, just enjoying each other’s company.

One of my favorite memories of being in a relationship was sitting on the couch, reading a book, while my girlfriend lay on my lap and held my hand as she watched TV. Later that evening she asked, “Is this what being married is like?” I said, “I think so.” And it may sound weird to people who haven’t had the same experience, but I sure hope marriage is like that, because it was wonderful.

I’ve thought about why things are so difficult for me lately. Whether it’s because we were together for so long that I just miss being in a relationship (let’s face it – I’ve never really enjoyed dating), or if I really just miss being with her.

And I know now...that it’s her.

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake." -- Little Manhattan