The Calm Amidst the Storm

I've felt like blogging for a long while, but the muse just hasn't been with me. Perhaps she is today – I’ll give it a shot.

My life was full of tumultuous ups and downs in 2008. I can’t honestly say that it wasn't partially (or even mostly) my fault, but it's definitely been an eventful year. From being an unemployed college graduate, to getting out of a serious relationship / having my heart broken, to moving out of the city where I've lived the last 4 years, to the economy being in a downward spiral and worrying about the future of our nation, it hasn't been the smoothest transition into adulthood.

But in the last couple months, something has happened that's put everything in perspective and made all my trials worth it. Just when I thought I would never be able to love again (and I do mean that – it’s not just for dramatic emphasis), along came the one person who could make me feel happy again. She takes care of me, adores me, and just wants to make me happy. She loves me more than I ever thought any girl could, and she makes me feel like a million bucks.

Okay – just a little bit about her… Her name is Kristen, she's from Orem, is an artist (studying studio art at BYU), works as an assistant manager at Coney’s (frozen custard), and is 5’7” with wavy, dark-brown hair and a gorgeous smile. :) I absolutely adore her.

Sometimes it seems surreal, that she shouldn't love me so much, but she does. And it makes me smile. In fact, from our first date (and especially since our first kiss), neither one of us can get the huge smiles off of our faces. :D

We have a lot of similar likes/dislikes. We both love Homestar Runner and Star Wars, hate onions, and want to live either near the mountains or the ocean (in other words, we refuse to live in the so-called “Great” Plains area of the United States). :) But she's so easy to talk to, and I love being around her.

Now, I’m not making any prophecies about our relationship or where it’s going to go. But regardless of what happens between us, I am extremely grateful that she came into my life, and at just the time she did.

Will You Mow the Lawn?

So...I've turned into my father. Not that that's a bad thing. My father is my hero. I love him and think he's amazing. Maybe someday I'll write about why he's so cool.

But ever since I was little, my dad has always had a passion - his home. If he had a choice between staying home and going to a party...or out to dinner...or to anything somewhere that wasn't home, he'd choose home. His home truly is his castle. If he doesn't have some kind of home improvement project going on, he's outside working on the yard. And of course, he always wanted me to help out in the yard, but I was never a big fan. Hence, he always had to ask me to mow the lawn (and pay me to get me to do it).

I moved into an apartment in Springville in August, and I really like it. It's an old building, though, so it needed a little work when we first got it. In addition, buying used furniture always requires you to do a little cleaning / refinishing. As a result, we've done a lot of scraping, caulking, painting, hammering, putting together (new furniture that comes in boxes), and moving around. We steam cleaned a couch (that's quite time-consuming, by the way - we did it in spurts), refinished our cabinets, cleaned / refinished 6 oak chairs and a kitchen table, painted three walls of our living room, recaulked around windows and the baseboards in the kitchen...

The list goes on, but I really have become like my father in that respect. I spend lots of time at Home Depot, and I love it. It's a great store, and I love the smell when you first walk in (wood, mmm...). And I'm constantly finding things about my apartment I want to fix up as I go. Then today (Saturday, my day off), what did I do? I pulled out the paving stones in my patio and redid it. I truly have turned into my father. :)

Before and After Pictures

High School Musical 3 - Shooting for the Stars

I’m a nerd. I know. I went to see High School Musical 3 opening morning (aka the midnight showing). And I know I'm kinda writing a review again, but I think the reason I write about movies and plays is because they get me to think.

Well, HSM3 wasn’t super amazing, but if you liked the first two, you’ll like this one. If you didn’t, you probably won’t like this one either. Like the first two, HSM3 is filled with cool dancing and catchy songs that you’ll buy/download and listen to over and over. Also like the first two, it has some cheesy lines, cheesy acting, and cheesy facial expressions. But it’s cute, and if you have ever worried about the future, you’ll be able to relate to what the characters are going through.

I don’t think I ever worried about what I was going to do after high school. I would graduate, go to BYU for a year, then on a mission for two years, back to BYU, get married, get a job, etc. I didn’t have many plans for after my mission/college, but I never worried about that in high school. In fact, I don’t think I ever worried about my future until I was graduated from college with bills to pay and no job. I hadn’t found anything, and I was in a bad spot financially, so I took a job as a server at Olive Garden and one as a courier while I searched for that career job.

I eventually found one, and I’m working for that company now. It’s nice to have a real job with a salary and to feel somewhat like an adult, but I’ve started to think about my future again. I still don’t feel like I’m a real adult – I feel like I’m still pretending, because I don’t know where my life is going. Now I’m just working in a job, trying to do my best, but I never wanted work to be my focus. I see so many people whose work defines them – I don’t want to be like that.

Of all the important things in my future, the most important one was the one for which I couldn’t really prepare. The thing is, without someone to share it with, my life seems so empty. One of my favorite movies is Notting Hill. Hugh Grant says this to his married friends when they’re trying to set him up with someone: “I think you have forgotten what an unusual situation you have here: to find someone you actually love, who'll love you. The chances are...always minuscule.”

Although HSM3 wraps things up nicely, with happy endings all around, real life doesn't work like that, and sometimes it’s hard to believe that things will work out. Let’s be honest, in dating, everything up to this point has been a failure. Because I’ve never known success, I have no reason to believe it (success) actually exists. For other people, sure - I've seen it happen for them. But for me?

I know what I'm supposed to do: to date, to put myself out there. I know that, but I just don't know if it will ever happen for me.

Maybe I just need to stop wishing on shooting stars.

--
I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star.
Seems like someone else keeps getting what I'm wishing for.
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are?
Oh I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star.

Sunday School

I once had an interesting assignment in a Sunday School class. The teacher passed out note cards, and told us to imagine ourselves in this scenario. We are on an airplane which is going to crash in a few minutes. Having that knowledge, what would be our last message? It could be to whomever we wanted, and we were given some time to write down on the note card what we would say. I was given someone’s remarks addressed to me, and they have helped me, even to this day, to be strong in the face of adversity:

"I know that whatever happens to me is the Lord’s plan. That He has something in store for me and for you. Life will continue and I know that you can be happy. I know this because I know the Church is true. And I know that our Heavenly Father loves us individually. He knows our wants and our needs. He knows what we are capable of and He knows what is best for us. He misses us and wants us to return back to Him. So please continue to live the Gospel and allow the Lord to have His hand in your life to guide and bless you. I love you so much. Thank you for your influence in my life. I am a different, better person because of you. My life has been blessed because of you. I love you very much."

I share that with you because it has made an impact in my life. Something so simple that the teacher (and this individual) did, but it is still something I re-read at least once a week, and which gives me strength and peace. That having been said, I have also seen many poor examples of teaching in church. Here is a list of suggestions I’ve written which I think, if applied generally, could help us all get more out of lessons.

Adam’s List of Effective Teaching Skills v. 1.0

• Dress appropriately so as not to distract from the message you are trying to teach. Guys – button your cuffs. I’ve seen several people not button their shirt cuffs (but yet, not roll them up). It doesn’t look good, and is just a distraction (and annoyance) for me.
• Ask questions, and ask lots of them. Only rarely ask close-ended questions with which you’re trying to elicit a particular response (unless maybe you’re in Primary, but that’s a whole different ball game). Instead, ask open-ended questions. Then take what is said and run with it. Use what your students say and incorporate it into your lesson.
• Don’t be afraid to ask a question you might not know the answer to.
• And when you ask a question, don’t answer it yourself. Wait. Wait for a minute or two if you have to, even if the silence gets really uncomfortable. If it gets uncomfortable enough, someone’s hand will go up. This will usually even work if your class has a tendency of not answering questions. Waiting will give them more of an incentive to answer – no one likes uncomfortable silences. It also shows how much you value input (and if you don’t, you should – see D&C 50:22).
• Don’t read the whole lesson / all the scriptures. Pick key excerpts / scriptures to focus on.
• Have a direction / theme on which you want to focus (especially in Sunday School, where you’re just going through the scriptures in order).
• Use quotes from modern prophets / apostles.
• Never ever EVER go over time, no matter how important “this one last point” is. You just lost more than half your audience.
• Remember that you are in Christ’s place. You’re going to be saying “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen,” at the end of your lesson. Make sure you’re teaching what He wants you to teach.

Forgiveness

I’ve come to some realizations in the last couple days, through a series of unfortunate events. But I’ll tell you about the events before I tell you about the realizations.

One of my co-workers is on vacation in Europe for the next two weeks (she left on Saturday). Last Thursday, she got upset with me, and then I was upset with her too because...well, it doesn't really matter, but we'll leave it at that. Work was frustrating.

On Saturday (and again on Monday), there was an exchange (that I won’t go into) that involved my roommate and someone else, but which had a significant impact on me. My roommate was very upset with this other person and everything that happened in that exchange. It was rough on both sides.

Then there’s work. Because my co-worker is gone, and I'm covering a few of her projects, Monday was a beast, and Tuesday was just as bad. Monday I realized that there was a huge error on one of my projects that had just finished, and although it wasn’t directly my fault (it was a programming error), I could have prevented it if I had been more thorough when the study went into field, by doing a check on the data (which is supposed to be routinely done while a project is in field). So I felt horrible about that, didn’t take lunch, and was at work until 6:30 p.m.

Tuesday I was woken up by a phone call at 7 a.m. (and had 2 missed calls before that) about a project for which I was covering. There was a major issue, but since I don’t have the internet at home yet, and no one was at the office, and I live 20 minutes from work, I couldn’t get the problem fixed right away. Thus, the client got ticked off, and once again I skipped lunch and worked 10 hours. But because I was essentially working since 7 that morning, I at least managed to get off at 5.

But the point is, it’s been a pretty crappy past several days. Last night my roommate was still upset about the exchange that happened this weekend, and in the course of meeting for a BYU ecclesiastical endorsement, asked for some advice. We were hanging out with a friend last night, and my roommate was telling us about the experience he had with the stake president, and how much better he feels now.

(Now we’re getting into the realizations part of this blog – thanks for bearing with me.)

He said that the stake president told him no matter what perceived victories we stand to lose, forgiveness is worth it. To let your “enemies” have their perceived victories if they want them. Hopefully they’ll be able to forgive you too, and if not right away, perhaps in time they will see things in a different light.

My roommate said he didn’t want anyone to hold hate in their hearts for him. That he felt bad things had worked out the way they did, but that he refused to hold hate in his heart, and hoped they would feel the same. He said the process is still difficult, though. The stake president told him that maybe he needed to repent first, and then he would be able to forgive.

That’s what I’ve realized. That I’d been sheltering similar feelings in my heart for a long time, and for which I needed to repent. My roommate taught me that no matter what we feel someone has done to us or to someone we love, we cannot let it become an excuse for harboring evil feelings toward that person. They will destroy us, and we need to forgive unconditionally, without expecting anything in return.

I think I’m there now, and it feels much better.

Update On My Life

So…I met this cute girl. :) 

Okay, so that was just an attention-grabber. But really, what is it with us human beings and being obsessed with each other’s love lives? I don’t get it either. 

Now seriously, I’ve been having a pretty good time lately. I AM still sleeping on the floor in my new apartment, because I don’t have a mattress yet (although I do have a bed which is completely put together in my room). Oh well. Baby steps, right? And no internet access at home, with just limited access at work - this is being posted from my Blackberry actually. 

Saturday night was the closing night of one of my shows, and I had some of the cast of Beauty and the Beast come watch. Then they invited me to come to ice cream with them afterwards. It was way fun, even if I did sit next to Tyler instead of Mary or Deba…grr Tyler! :) 

And Mary has been trying to get me to go into film. She loves it, and keeps encouraging me to get into it too. So I went with her to Salt Lake on Monday for a small class she’s been taking on film auditions. It’s taught by Jeff Johnson, a guy who is one of the primary casting directors in Utah. For those of you who love High School Musical 1-3, he was one of the casting directors for those films. In fact, I met one of the cheerleaders from it, who's also in the class (she’s also in 2 and 3 – her name’s Bayli Baker). 

It was a cool class, and it was good to get some pointers on auditioning for film. I’ve never done a film audition, but I’d like to. We all did one-liners in front of the camera, and when we were watching them at the end of class, Jeff said mine was really good, then asked, “Do you have an agent?” I said no. He said, “Why not??!” That made me feel really good. I think Mary was as excited for me as I was (or moreso). She told Jeff that I was just starting in film, and that we would get all that stuff taken care of. 

 And P.S. Can I just give a shout out to Mary? She’s totally cool. She’s my age (which is different – I’m usually hanging around people who are a bit younger than me, or some who are a little older), she works in the temple, she’s been in a couple seminary movies and at least one regular movie, she’s beautiful (she was Miss Springville/Mapleton 2007 and competed in Miss Utah last year), and she’s studying anthropology at BYU and wants to do a field study in Africa. Just totally awesome. She’d probably be embarrassed by all that, but I don’t think she reads this blog. Haha. :D

Dating...ugh

Every once and a while, I seem to get this urge to write something, anything. Even if there’s nothing in particular on my mind I want to talk about. For example, it’s only been since 6 days since I last posted, and yet I really want to write something.

Looking back at my last three blogs, I wrote about: a book, a movie, and a play. It would seem that I should turn into a professional or amateur reviewer. But really…they’ve all been about me.

Because typically, blog entries are online diaries where people share their emotions and feelings with the rest of the world. [As a side note, I know that people as far away as the Philippines and Finland read my blog, so you really are speaking to the world in a blog.] But the interesting thing about blogs is that when you share your feelings with the world, you can do so without explicitly saying anything about what you’re really feeling. Sure, it’s a cop-out, but at the same time, it’s a pretty cool cop-out.

You know what (abrupt subject change)? I think I’ve started to like dating again… Just a little bit, though. But let me just say, for the record, that I hate the first date conversations. You know, the ones that are usually so shallow and pointless, that typically start and end with, “Where are you from? What’s your major?” Sure, that information is interesting and part of getting to know someone, but I like going on first dates with someone you’ve already started to get to know – someone you can talk to in more depth than that. I feel in that situation you can really get to know someone better.

Dating is just so obnoxious – especially the games. I think what’s different this time around is that I refuse to play them. Sure, I’ll flirt and everything, but I’m upfront about it. I’m willing to say, “Hey – I like you. Do you want to go out with me?” I have no pretentions and no hidden agendas…and I think that girls can tell the difference.

I mean, I do miss being in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you have someone to come home to at night, someone you can always talk to. You almost never have to be alone unless you really want to be. You don’t have to worry whether or not you’ll have plans that weekend (unless she wants to go out with her girlfriends or something). You have someone who cares about you and who misses you when you’re not around, and who loves to just snuggle up on the couch and watch TV with you. You can do fun things together and go on cool dates, but you don’t have to. Because you’re also totally comfortable sitting in silence with your best friend, just enjoying each other’s company.

One of my favorite memories of being in a relationship was sitting on the couch, reading a book, while my girlfriend lay on my lap and held my hand as she watched TV. Later that evening she asked, “Is this what being married is like?” I said, “I think so.” And it may sound weird to people who haven’t had the same experience, but I sure hope marriage is like that, because it was wonderful.

I’ve thought about why things are so difficult for me lately. Whether it’s because we were together for so long that I just miss being in a relationship (let’s face it – I’ve never really enjoyed dating), or if I really just miss being with her.

And I know now...that it’s her.

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake." -- Little Manhattan

Pride and Prejudice

My friend gave me some comp tickets to Pride and Prejudice, a new musical that's showing at the Scera in Orem, so I went tonight. I've never been a die-hard fan of the story, but I will admit that I do like it. I've seen the new movie (with Keira Knightley) twice, and I also really enjoyed watching this play.

There were some cheesy moments - let's be honest. Some of the songs were a little corny, and where they were placed in relation to the dialogue was not always where I would have expected a song. For example, one brief love song between Bingley and Jane made me laugh, because it came right when they declared their love for each other. I expected them to kiss right then, but got a cheesy love song first. But on the whole, it was a good play, and the actors did really well with the material.

My favorite part of the musical was when Elizabeth finds out that Lydia has run off with Wickham. Elizabeth is naturally distraught, but Darcy promises her things will be all right. When she leaves, he sings a song called Ask Me For the Stars. I wish I had the music, because I want to put down exactly what he said. But he essentially said, I love you and I would do absolutely anything you asked me to do. No matter what you need, I will always be there, taking care of you. Even if you don't know I was the one to help you, that doesn't matter to me. I will still be there, your invisible guardian angel. Ask me for the stars, and I'll get them for you.

Joseph Smith once said of Emma, "I would go to hell for such a woman." I would add to that: "and I would get you the stars if you asked me for them."

Little Manhattan

I watched one of the cutest movies ever over the last couple days (I haven’t really had a lot of free time lately, so I tend watch things in installments). The movie is called Little Manhattan, and it’s about Gabe and Rosemary, two 11-year-olds from New York who fall in love one summer, before Rosemary leaves to go to summer camp, then off to private school. Throughout the movie, one of the back stories is that Gabe’s parents have been in the middle of a divorce for more than a year (but are still living together for some odd reason), and Gabe’s mom has started to date again. As a side note, I can imagine it’d be really weird for her dates to have her husband greet them at the door. [WARNING: Spoiler alert. I highly recommend watching the movie before reading this post. I’m planning on buying it, so you could wait ’til then to borrow it from me, or you can also watch it here.]

Anyway, the movie taught me something about love that I didn’t realize, until my friend pointed it out to me. At one point, Gabe says something to Rosemary he doesn’t mean, and ends up miserable because of it. To stop the pain, he then convinces himself that he doesn’t care about her anymore. The next day he’s talking to his dad about love:

Gabe: Dad, what's the deal with girls? I mean, why are they the way they are?
Dad: You're talking to the wrong man.
Gabe: Well, how come all love has to end?
Dad: Let me tell you something about me and your mom. Once upon a time, we really loved each other, but as time went by, there just got to be all these things, little things, stupid things, that were left unsaid. And all these things that were left unsaid piled up, like the clutter in our storage room. And after awhile, there was so much that was left unsaid, that we barely said anything at all.
Gabe: Well, why didn't you just say them then, dad?
Dad: I don't know, Gabe. I kind of wish I had.

Because of that conversation, Gabe has a revelation that he still liked Rosemary – but more than that, he loved her. And he knew he had to tell her he didn’t mean what he’d said before. “I couldn't escape them, all the little things I left unsaid – I was drowning in them.” So he does – he risks everything (emotionally) to tell her that he loves her. Which quite naturally leaves her in shock. She is only eleven, after all.

Gabe: You think you might wanna love me, too?
Rosemary: I don't know what I think, Gabe, I'm only 11. I don't think I'm ready to be in love…but I'm really happy you came.

That, “but I’m really happy you came,” made putting his heart out there worth it. And even though they had to go their separate ways, something good came out of his experience. When Gabe came home after that talk with Rosemary, he found his parents laughing and talking together. When his mom left the room, his dad bent down and said to him, “I just cleared some old stuff out of the storage room.”

"Love is an ugly, terrible business, practiced by fools. It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing…but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake."

What my friend helped me realize is this. Even knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have traded the experiences I gained in my last year and a half for anything, because it made me who I am now.

Twilight and Relationships

Breaking Dawn came out today. For those of you non-vampire-lovers, it's the newest book in the Twilight sage, the series by Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon mom from Arizona. She is a BYU grad, and her Twilight series has been called the next Harry Potter, although because it deals with subject matter that is more mature than HP and focuses primarily on the relationship of a teenage girl and her vampire boyfriend, it reaches a smaller demographic (primarily teenage girls).

An understanding of the book is not necessary to the reading of this post, but it probably helps. And part of the reason for writing this is to let you know that not only teenage girls read the book. Although, being a 20-something male, reading the books in public may get you some weird looks and/or comments from others. Well, at least my friend Wyatt told me he'll reserve judgment on me for reading the book, which is nice.

Here's a basic rundown of the story for those who haven't read the books. [WARNING: Spoiler alert] Bella is a high school senior who meets and falls in love with a vampire (Edward), who is a good vampire living among humans (doesn't drink human blood). Bella and Edward fall in love, but Edward decides that by being around, he's endangering Bella, so he abruptly leaves her, sending her spiraling into depression. At that point, along comes Jacob, who is slightly younger than Bella, but who adores her. He brings her almost out of her comatose state, and Bella starts to live her life again. She calls Jacob her "sun."But then Edward returns for Bella, making it necessary for her to choose with whom she wants to be. Oh yeah, and turns out, Jacob is a werewolf, which is the mortal enemy of the vampire.

Kinda far-fetched, but a very compelling and interesting story, which is why I've read the books, and I can't wait to get further into the new book (I've been reading my friend Janae's copy backstage at performances today and have gotten to page 136 as of this writing).

I think part of the reason I like this series is because I used to see my life paralleled in the books, especially in Jacob's story. Analyzing it now, though, I don't think that really holds quite true (although I am still admittedly on Team Jacob), but I have been able to draw some interesting thoughts from my reading. Here's how I see it.

Both Edward and Jacob have their flaws. In their actions, Jacob is hot and impulsive, while Edward is cool and deliberate. Jacob is young and somewhat emotionally immature, but he is the best friend Bella has ever had. She even says she never did anything to deserve such a wonderful friend as Jacob. But at the same time, he is somewhat selfish - he wants Bella to love him like he loves her, and he's stubborn and refuses to make the decision easy for her. Basically, he won't give up. On the other hand, Edward loves Bella so much, he will do whatever he thinks is best for her (often without regard for what she thinks).

Edward may seem perfect to Bella, but it is exactly that "perfection" that makes him imperfect. It is that absolute desire to do what is best for Bella that leads to him hurting her more than anything or anyone else ever did. And it is that controlling nature he has that makes his seeming perfection unreal (and really sends up red flags for the relationship).

Now here's my plug for Jacob, and let me apply it to relationships in general. Some people attack Jacob because he's somewhat immature and selfish, and was rash and made mistakes in how he dealt with Bella. But I'm willing to give him a little latitude, because he was younger. As he gets older, he'll learn and grow and become more emotionally mature (it even shows him progressing somewhat on that front in the books). Edward, however, does not get the same accommodation, as he is about 90 years old. He should have already learned from his mistakes along the way.

Now I've talked about this before, but you shouldn't be looking for perfection in a mate. You should be looking for someone who loves you and who makes you want to be a better person, but not someone who is perfect. If you think someone is perfect, that should send up more red flags. One of the great things about truly being in love is that you can even learn to love someone's flaws.

But quite honestly, I don't blame Edward or Jacob for the problems - I blame Bella. And really, Bella was starting to drive me nuts in the books. And even though the book has turned out the way it has so far (which doesn't make me happy, by the way), I'm at least glad that Bella isn't fickle anymore. I'm excited to read more.

So go and read these books - they're good.

That's all.

I Went For a Walk

*Writer’s Note: I know I just posted a blog entry, but it was kind of lame, so I’m writing another. :)

So I went for a walk in a cemetery yesterday afternoon. It was really nice, actually. I don’t think I knew what I expected, but it’s very peaceful and quiet there, and was a very nice Sunday afternoon activity. I even felt the Spirit as I looked at some of the gravestones. I took some pictures and I’d like to share some of those here (*Note: none of them are people I know – if anyone who reads this who knows one of these people and would like me take the picture down, please let me know).

But it got me thinking. Our Western culture is not very good at dealing with death. This is clearly evident from the way it is shown in popular culture, and how funerals are conducted. Yes, we should be sad when someone we love dies. As God has said, “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die (D&C 42:45).” But that doesn’t mean we should despair.

One of the hardest things I think I saw was something that hit close to home: babies dying. My mother gave birth to a little boy when I was 20 months old. His name was Andrew. He had complications at birth and only lived a few hours before he died. Losing a child must be so difficult. I don’t know how my parents got through that period of their lives. But I saw a few of those kinds of gravestones.

I don’t know which is harder: losing a baby right after the baby is born, or getting to have some time to know your baby, and then have them taken away, like happened to my friend a little bit ago.

One of the gravestones I saw that touched me the most was this one:

She was only 21 when she died, and had only been married 8 months. I feel so sad for her husband, that he lost her so soon.

But this one made me happy:

Look at the death dates. She died Jan. 31, 1916. He died a week later, on Feb. 7. I’d like to think he followed her so soon because he missed her so much and couldn’t stand to be away from her for very long.

One of the hardest things to remember when death confronts us is to keep the proper perspective. God can see the end from the beginning, and we need to somehow gain a portion of his eternal perspective. We need to remember that we can see that person again. The back of this headstone is hard to read, but it says this:

Friend and husband, brother, son
Some say his life had just begun
This playful spirit, joyful man
Keen of mind, gentle, grand

***

For he who sent him here is pleased
And when besought for his release,
By holy covenants which bind,
Said, “Send him home, he first was mine.”

We shouldn’t be afraid to die. Death happens to all of us. There is no escaping it. And we should not despair when people we love die. What we can and should do is pray for a portion of God’s eternal perspective, and be grateful for the time we had on this earth to spend with those we love.

---
“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3

Rediscovery

I’ve debated writing this and putting it out there for anyone and everyone to read. Close readers of my blog know my feelings about all that kind of stuff, but I’ve been attempting to be more open. I think it can help me, even if there are some negative consequences…like sympathy. :)

With that said, I’ve been making new friends lately…and re-discovering old ones (mostly of the female gender). I think I’ve been a pretty poor friend in the past. Someone once helped me realize that when you have someone you love and who is very special to you, it’s not very appropriate to flirt and be alone with members of the opposite sex. And although I agree, and while most people would say I was justified in the way I’ve handled my situation, I wish I wouldn’t have let so many friendships fall apart / disappear over the last year.

What I’ve found, though, is that your real friends tend to be very forgiving about things like that. For which I’m grateful. And help can come from people and places that you never expected. Like when you go out to ice cream with the girl you dated briefly last year, and you’re both content being good friends this time around. Or when a teenager you hardly ever talked to two years ago suddenly becomes the person you confide in more than any other. When you find solace in writing a short story because a friend encouraged you to. Or when you feel you finally really connect with your boss and coworkers.

So I’m grateful I have good friends to soften the blow. But I like to think that I'm tough enough to take a pretty good hit. I think I can get over it – I’ll be able to move on with my life and be happy. But I think the hardest thing to get over is suddenly being just another person. To not be different from anyone else – not to be special. And it’s hard to know that she doesn’t care anymore. That the last phone call was just a courtesy. It was for me, not her – something she would have done for anyone. That my words and tears didn’t mean anything – that they didn’t touch anything inside her.

Bet you didn’t tell him
About those weekends at the coast
Or how we used to argue
About who loved who the most
Well I guess I won that one, cuz I still need you so
But to you I’m just someone you used to know

Like a friend, like a fool
Like some guy you knew in school
Didn’t we love, didn’t we share
Or don’t you even care?
I know we said we were through
But I never knew how quickly I would go
From someone you loved
To someone you used to know

It seemed like I was a fairy tale sometimes. I used to love randomly taking her in my arms in the kitchen and dancing with her, while I sang softly in her ear. Or when she’d lay her head on my lap so I’d stroke her hair while we watched TV… and then how she’d fall asleep like that, while I watched her instead of the TV. :) How she could practically read my mind, and how I felt like the luckiest guy in the world when she would cuddle up to me and move my arm so it was wrapped around her. How whenever I had exciting news, I wanted to tell her first. How she would kiss me with her eyes closed so tight. How on one day off, we planned to do something fun and outdoorsy, but I got sick, so she stayed inside and took care of me, even letting me fall asleep for a while with my head on her lap.

When Cinderella found the writer had appended
What did she do when the fairy tale had ended?
And the rain falls down, and I’m standing here with no umbrella again.

So what happened to my happy ending? Where’s my happily ever after?
Like I said, I'm sure I’ll be okay… I just don’t believe in fairy tales anymore.

A Brief Note

I watched an episode of Scrubs today. Well, let's face it - I watched about five episodes today. By the way, they're still funny, but they're just not as good when you're watching them by yourself.

But something struck me from that episode. I've heard it dozens of times before, but hearing it this time really hit me. Dr. Kelso said, "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."

It's made me introspective about my current situation. There are a few people who really know what's going on in my life right now - most don't. But suffice it to say, life is not easy for me right now. In fact, it's incredibly hard. I don't say that to get sympathy. I say that because I recognize that what I want is worth having, and I shouldn't be surprised that it hasn't been handed to me on a silver platter. That's not the way life is.

Love is Never Wasted

I'd like to start off by saying that I apologize if anyone who reads this is hurt by it. I am not upset - that's not the reason I am writing this.

Living in Provo can be fun, but it also has its downsides. One of those is that everyone wants to know everything about your dating life. I'm not immune from it either - no one really is. It's a cultural thing. And facebook has somehow played into all that. People see your status message, or your relationship status, or whatever, and assume that you want everyone to comment on it. Technically, we all know that all our friends can see it, but sometimes, maybe we only put it up for one person to read. We couldn't care less if anyone else saw it, and would prefer they just ignore it. That's happened to me, and I'm sure I've been guilty doing it to others in many instances.

And no matter where you go in Provo, people ask you how your love life is. But you know what? If anything exciting happened, like you got married or engaged, that'd probably be one of the things that would naturally come up in a conversation. You don't have to force things like that. And if s/he just went through a breakup or something, do you really want to bring that up? Probably best for everyone to just ask how things are going.

Point is, I said goodbye today to my girlfriend of about a year and a half. She's going home for the rest of the summer, and we don't know what's going to happen from here. That's all. Normally I wouldn't say anything about this - I like to play things close to the vest - but I'd rather not have people constantly asking me about it.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend today online. A girl I haven't really talked to in a long time - we were in a play together almost two years ago. She's only 16 years old, but she was the best person I could have talked to today. She, like everyone around here, asked me about my girlfriend. But for some reason, I was completely open with her about my whole situation. She made it easy, because she didn't judge me or offer me any counsel or advice, and she didn't offer her own commentary on the situation. She just listened. And it was exactly what I needed. In the course of our conversation, she said something to me that amazed me that it came from someone her age.

She said, "I think it is so cute that you love her [my girlfriend] so much. You LOVE her... I think love is unselfish. You don't love someone to get love back...you love them because you care about them so much you love who they are. You love THEM."

Then she asked if that was cheesy. And I can honestly say it's not. It's a true statement, because love is selfless. A wise man once said this statement, after which I will make an end of my writings. He said:

"Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity."

So...Where Are You From?

I can't really say that I "grew up" anywhere. I've moved around so much that I still have a hard time telling people "where I'm from" (which I know is bad grammar, but I know the rule, so I'm allowed to break it). As evidence of this non-growing-up-in-one-particular-place-itude, I currently have a Washington driver's license, Oregon license plates, and I live in Utah (don't tell the DMV).

My parents met, dated, and got married in Portland, Oregon, where I was born. I am the oldest of five kids, and the only one born in Portland. Because of the economic situation, my family briefly moved to Utah so my dad could go to school, but quickly got the heck out of there and back to the Pacific Northwest, when my dad took a job in Washington.

When we moved, I was almost four years old. Shortly afterwards, my baby sister was born. Then my little brother, and then my dad got job with a new company, which required us to move to Oregon. Over the next 11 years, we moved four more times and ended up back in Washington. By that time I was 18, and moved to Utah for school, back to Washington, to England for a mission, back to Washington, then back to Utah, where I've been (more or less) for the last four years. In the meantime, my family came full circle and moved back to Portland.

Now, if you've made it past my family's moving history to this point, thank you for sticking in there. But the point I'm trying to make here is this: I never grew up anywhere. I don't know what it's like to have lived in the same house my whole life. I don't get those kids who have such an incredibly hard time their first year of college, being away from their hometown. I don't understand the desire some people have of never wanting to leave home and who live in the same neighborhood as their parents and grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles. But that's because I've never had a hometown. I don't understand what a hometown is.

Sometimes my sister and I will say something about how we didn't grow up in one particular place when my dad is around. Then he'll start to get defensive about it, saying that if we hadn't moved, that Taylor and I wouldn't have had the opportunities that we do, etc. We try to calm him down and tell him to relax. Because we agree with him - we know that. We understand. And the thing is, we're not complaining about it. In fact, we're glad to have moved around like we did.

Personally, I'm glad that there's no one in my family's ward who feels comfortable enough at Christmastime, simply because I've grown up in the ward (regardless of whether or not they know me that well), to say something to me about how I should be married by now. I like going home and getting lost trying to get to my house, simply because I've never driven that way before. And I like that when I go home, I go home to see my family.

Maybe I've never had many close friends because of that, but I'm okay with that. Because what I learned, growing up in Mantec-Kinley-Spring-Port-Belling-land, was so much better than making a friend or two along the way. I learned that the most important part of life is family. And I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that.

I'm no Superman

How do you make sure that you have a good relationship?

My girlfriend and I are big fans of the TV show Scrubs, and she recently bought the first season, so we’ve been watching it a lot in the evenings. I recently wrote a blog entry berating sitcoms, but Scrubs is not your typical sitcom. It is funny, but deep at the same time, which is an amazing feat for a half hour TV show. Although it is absolutely hilarious, it also manages to teach something about human emotions every time.

One of the episodes we watched really struck some kind of chord with me. It was about Elliot and JD’s brief relationship. How it started so amazingly, then spiraled downhill and finally ended…badly. Throughout the show, there are clips of the doctors talking to a psychologist. After their relationship ends, Elliot is talking to the shrink and says something about relationships.

“But, relationships.... I always heard that when they were right, they were easy. That--that, even when things got hard...that they were easy. I don't get that at all, you know?”

Dr. Cox is probably my favorite character – he always has some good insight.

“Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time, if it's right, and they're real lucky. One of them will say something.”

I can honestly say that I used to be like Elliot. I always thought that relationships would be easy if they were “right,” whatever that means. But I’ve learned, as Dr. Cox did, that the difference between a good relationship that works and a good relationship that doesn’t, is that in the relationship that works, someone will fight for it. There is at least one person who wants it so bad that he or she will contend for that relationship.

Couples aren’t always both working equally for the relationship to work. Sometimes, someone has to pull the other. She’s willing to pull him for a little while, so long as he doesn’t drag his feet too long. And sometimes, maybe down the line, he will have to pull her until she can pick up her feet and start walking. But as long as one person is still pushing for the relationship to work, it’s possible. But if it takes too long for him to pick up his feet, she gets too tired, and they both sit down. Or if they both get tired at the same time, but neither is selfless enough to stand up and pull the other back up, the relationship is over.

I was going to go off on something about married couples talking to other people about their relationship issues, or mentioning faults of their spouses to others, which I think is dumb and a sure road to marital problems, but I’ll save that for another blog. For now, I’ll just leave you with this bit of wisdom.

No matter how good your relationship is now, there is going to come a time when you’re going to have to make a decision to either fight for it or to give it up entirely. Now here’s the bit of wisdom. No matter what she says or does – even if she gives up on the relationship – you can’t give up. You fight for that relationship with all you have in you, and then some. Because if you give up without a fight, that tells us something about you and the weakness of your character. But not only that – it also tells us that she wasn’t really worth it to you anyway.

--
I can’t do this all on my own. No – I know I’m no Superman.

Ten Years

Brother Landen dropped me off that morning after seminary. I remember walking up the front walkway towards the main entrance to the high school, just off to another day of school. As I approached the gate, with the office on my right, I suddenly saw students begin running out of the cafeteria through the side door, coming my direction.

I was very confused and not sure how to take it. I tried to find out by saying, “What’s going on?” “What happened?” A kid I’d never seen before (and never have again) exclaimed, as he moved along with the crowd, “Someone’s shooting!”

I don’t think it sunk in right then – it didn’t seem real. But then I heard a loud gunshot, and I turned around and ran with the crowd toward the street. We stood beyond the school gates, a huge mass huddled together, until a teacher beckoned us to come back. He ushered us through the main gate and to the right, past the main office and across the quad from the cafeteria to the library. Dozens of students were in there, and we were all confused as to what was going on. My friend Ben’s girlfriend Shy came up to me with tears running down her face, saying she’d heard that Ben was shot in the head. Nothing was real to me – I tried just to comfort her, telling her I was sure he’d be okay. He wasn’t – he died in the hospital later.

No one really had cell phones back then. The school officials in the library with us let us use a phone at the back of the library if we wanted. When it wasn’t so crowded, I made my way toward it and used it to call my family, but the line wasn’t working. I realized that the lines around this area were likely very crowded with phone calls, so after several attempts, I called my dad at work. My dad’s secretary answered and said he wasn’t there. I told her it was me, and told her that I was okay. I realized later that that was the best thing I could do for all of my extended family, because when they couldn’t get through to my house, they called my dad’s office, and his secretary would tell them I was fine.

My parents probably had to wait longer to know that. They were taking my little sister to middle school when they saw everything near the high school. They drove her to school and dropped her off, then headed back to the school. They parked somewhere and stood across the street from the school at the church with other parents. At some point, a police officer read a list of names, and asked for the parents of those children to come talk to him afterwards. My dad told me he was standing with my seminary teacher’s husband when they read the list, and neither mine, Taylor’s, nor Lacy’s names were read. Brother Stockwell put his arm around Dad as they both cried.

After what seemed like forever, we were finally informed we were going to be leaving. We exited the library through the back door instead of the door that faced the cafeteria, and joined with hundreds of other students who were being let out of their classrooms where they had also been locked down. I wondered if my parents would be there. We walked the entire length of the hallway before we got to the parking lot on the other end of the school. Right when we got to the opening, I saw my parents standing there. I only remember their faces being so relieved, and my dad crying as he swept me up in his arms. I’d never seen him cry before, and I knew then that I would never in my life need to doubt his love for me. My mom was crying too, of course. She hugged me too, and we walked to the car and drove home. I don’t even remember where they parked it.

In the aftermath, I watched the news, I read the newspaper – things I had never really done before. I listened to national news anchors mispronounce words like Willamette, and I read about how my friend, Ben Walker, had died. I learned of how people I knew, and people I eventually met and became friends with in the years that followed, had been injured or killed. I went to Ben’s funeral. I visited the wall of flowers that, until the shootings, had just been the fence in front of the school. I watched my father help one of my friend’s dad give a blessing to her. I talked in my seminary class with a reporter from the New Era. And I continued on with my life. 

I finished high school. My family moved – to Washington, then six years later to Portland. I served an LDS mission to the south of England for two years. I went to college. I graduated from college. And now I’m 25 years old, living in Utah and working for a market research firm. But in the last 10 years, I haven’t forgotten what happened on that day – and it is still one of my most vivid memories.

Please remember the families of Ben Walker and Mikael Nicholauson, as well as Kristin Kinkel (Kip killed their parents), in your prayers. And good luck to all the survivors of the Thurston High School shootings. But not just those injured – the community members of Springfield, Ore. are also survivors.

Television

I am not the biggest fan of sitcoms. I hate that the plots are so weak, and that all they go for is the cheap laugh. It seems sitcoms are actually getting worse nowadays, if that’s even possible. The comedy is so lowbrow that it makes you feel disgusted with yourself when you finally manage to peel yourself off the couch and jumpstart your brain. You wonder where the evening went, and why you didn’t engage yourself in something more worthwhile.

I recently read an article recently about sitcoms, and how they are wasting America’s time. But not only their time, but their brain power. The article goes on to say that Americans spend 200 billion hours a year just watching TV. It also mentions in comparison, that Wikipedia took approximately 100 million hours to get to where it is now. Think about all that ingenuity and intelligence and research (come on – some of Wikipedia is reputable) that went in to making that glorious, informative web site. And at only a tiny fraction of the time we waste mindlessly watching TV (0.05%, to be exact).

Now on a personal note, I enjoy watching Law & Order. This likely comes as no surprise to my girlfriend, my family, or close associates. This show is different from most shows – it makes you think, it engages you. And yes, it may be a little dramatic, but at least the situations are somewhat more realistic than shows such as CSI.

Is it predictable? Yes. Is it the same format every time? Yes. But is it more interesting and entertaining than a sitcom? Also, yes.

I think that I also relate to the main character – most often, my ideas and thoughts are the same or similar to Jack McCoy’s. I cheer for him every time he gets the bad guy, or argues with his boss over ethics, or disagrees time and time again with his incredibly liberal (and apparently homosexual – as taken from her last episode on the show, although that kind of came as a shocker to everyone else) one-time partner. I can’t even remember her name – she was the blond chick who was always freaking out about something.

But you become connected to the issues. My girlfriend says I get really involved in it. But how can you not? The show is charged with issues: political, ethical, moral, legal. You can’t help but get involved in them.

Anyway, my suggestion to all of you? Stop watching sitcoms and watch Law & Order reruns.

Josef Frizl - Truly a Monster

Oh – poor baby. Josef Fritzl, the Austrian man who imprisoned his daughter and several of their children in his cellar for 24 years, feels the media coverage has been too one-sided about him.

“Without me [she] would not be alive anymore... I was the one who made sure that she was taken to a hospital,” Mr. Fritzl said. “I could have killed all of them – then nothing would have happened. No one would have ever known about it,” he added. “I'm no monster.”

Let’s see here. You lock up your daughter in a cellar and tell people she’s run away, rape her who knows how many times, have seven children with her, keeping three of them locked up in the cellar with her and incinerating the body of one who died so as to destroy any evidence, threaten to gas them if they try anything, and live a two-faced double life.

You were a sex-offender already – convicted of rape. You frequented a brothel, where all of the prostitutes were afraid of you, because you wanted them to pretend to be corpses when you had sex with them. And your daughter, Elisabeth, whom you locked up when she was 18, says you began to sexually abuse her when she was only 11 years old.

Yet you say that at least you didn’t kill them – and you’re not a monster, because you brought your daughter flowers, and you brought your children, the products of your incest, books and stuffed animals.

Now, your lawyer claims you’re insane, and is trying to get a certificate of insanity for you. Now I’m not a psychologist, but someone who has the presence of mind to know what they’re doing is wrong is not insane. “I constantly knew, over the entire 24 years, that what I did was not right,” Fritzl was quoted as saying. He also said he had an addiction – but having an addiction does not excuse one’s actions.

Here is my response to you, Josef Frizl: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

You will burn for this, Mr. Fritzl. I hope that God grants you mercy, but only after you endure horrible pains for your sins. Of all sins, rape is the most abhorrent to me, and it is my opinion that you should receive capital punishment. Rapists, especially those that sexually abuse children, should be castrated and/or sentenced to death. You’ve not only raped once, but countless times, and there is undeniable proof that you did. You also sexually abused a child – and not just any child, but one whose trust you should have guarded – your own. In some criminal cases there are gray areas, but not in yours. Yours is open and shut. You deserve to die, and you need to, to begin paying for your crimes, you evil, evil man.

Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Reproduce

Not to draw undue attention to my friend, who recently wrote a blog about dating, but she draws attention to herself all the time anyway, so I don't feel bad about it. :)

Now, this girl made a bet with her mom that she could date 100 different boys before she got married (date in the loosest sense of the word - she had to go out with 100 guys - so at least 100 first dates). Something like a real-life 50 First Dates (I haven't seen that movie, and I don't think I'm drawing a correct parallel, but it sounded good in my head).

Anyway, so when she made this bet, her mom must have been over the moon with happiness, because she knew her daughter was not going to get married her freshman year (did any of you even KNOW 100 different people your freshman year?). Now, 100 first dates, 41 (at least) second dates, and 10 "relationships" (as per her stats in her blog entry) later, she's graduated from BYU. Not married, not engaged, but now she has all these character traits in her head that she likes, each from a different one of the 100. Unfortunately, not one of them happens to have it all.
Her words: "...there does come a point when you have to realize that no one is perfect!!! Including me!!! So why am I still holding out, expecting to find it? Why do I keep walking away from incredible guys again and again?"

Now comes my opinion. I don't think it's her mother's bet that's the problem (entirely). I do think it plays a role. But there seems to be a general consensus among young, single, LDS adults - particularly BYU students - that we need perfection in a spouse.

Now, I'll tell you why I think this problem is exacerbated at BYU in particular. The reason is the dating culture. You probably think I mean the dating vs. hanging out bit, that Elder Oaks spoke of, but that's not what I mean. Sure, that's a problem, and will always be an issue. But the problem I see at BYU is that everyone is too good. Now I don't mean their morals are too good - you should always be true to your personal values and beliefs.

Allow me to illustrate.

Remember home? That place where you were the only Eagle Scout in your high school? The place where you were always asked to play the piano at ward functions? You were valedictorian and captain of the cheerleading squad. You were popular, you were friends with everyone, you were amazing! But here at BYU, you can barely maintain a C+ average, you have no time for extracurricular activities, hardly anyone knows you, and to top it all off, you realized that absolutely EVERYONE here plays the piano...better than you.

So you try hard to be even better than your best...because your best isn't good enough anymore. And you begin to expect more from people - particularly the people you date. But not more in the good sense of the word - you've always expected your future spouse would be strong in the gospel, would be a good mother or father, faithful to you, true to his/her convictions. But now you expect him to play the guitar and write you songs. You expect her to wear trendy, cute clothes, sing, and go snowboarding with you. In other words, you begin to expect all kinds of things that you didn't expect before.

Now, new expectations alone aren't bad. The problem arises when your list gets so incredibly long that you become inflexible, and every item on the list becomes an essential. You have to remember that no one will have all the qualities and traits you want. The difficulty is selecting the few, most important ones you can't live without. This may sound like common sense to many of you out there, but trust me - in Provo, it's not.

BYU has conditioned us to think that there will be someone a little better just around the bend. Someone with more of the qualities you want. But here is my unsolicited advice - you need to get over it and realize that person does not exist. Instead, find someone who fits you, someone you can talk to, someone you enjoy being with, someone with personal potential (because you marry who they can become), someone you can love. And don't dismiss them right away because you think they're not a perfect fit. First impressions are not always right. And if you're not careful, remember that you might just look around the next bend and find there isn't ANYone there.

Death to the Malt Shoppe

Now, some of you may disagree with the title of my entry. But let me tell you, I'm quite ticked off at the Malt Shoppe. Let me start off with the little reasons.

Their food isn't that great, and their burgers are too small.

Their cheese fries don't have enough cheese, and they are often overdone.

Their service SUCKS, and it takes absolutely forever to get any food.

Their restaurant just feels filthy inside.

But all of that isn't that bad. It's a greasy spoon, 50s-esque diner (albeit not a very good one). I mean, I ate there just the other night. Their being a lousy restaurant isn't enough for me to want to destroy them. So--what is, you ask?

Their parking situation. Did any of you notice the new signs up there, saying you can park in the parking lot if you're going to the Malt Shoppe or Panda Express, but not if you're going to Pita Pit? Yeah - me neither. So we got towed today. Parked there for about 20 minutes, ate food, came out and the car was gone. What the HELL is with that?

So what to do? You walk 10 blocks to where they parked your stolen car and pay $135 to the vultures to get it back, getting back to work late, having to stay an extra hour to make up for lost time. Ridiculous? Yes.

Why do they like screwing people over? Was the Malt Shoppe just jealous, because they didn't have any customers, so they decided to tow someone else's? Besides, how do they even know who to tow? Is business so slow that they can follow people around to the other restaurants to see where they go? Did they not realize that unless you're in downtown Manhattan, that's a bad business practice? Cuz I sure as hell am NEVER eating at the Malt Shoppe again. And I'm planning on badmouthing them to absolutely any and everyone who ever cares to listen to me about it. Not only that - I very well may write a few letters to the editors of local papers. And I write well - I'll probably be published. This crappy establishment just lost a lot more business than they bargained for.

But where do we go for good, greasy burgers now, Adam? Leatherby's closed down! Well, let me tell you. Stan's. That's right - Stan's, over across from Gold's Gym in Provo. It's cleaner, cheaper, better priced, and their service is better. Oh, did I mention that Stan's Drive-In does NOT have any complaints to the better business bureau about advertising claims or practices that misrepresent their service or product offer? Nope - they don't. But guess who does? The Malt Shoppe. Surprise.

Moral of the story? Eat at Stan's! It's better, and they don't try to screw people over! Located at 525 N. 900 E.

I also welcome your comments about getting screwed over by immoral business practices.

--
Malt Shoppe delendo est

I'll Just Make This Easy For You

Whenever I hear those words at work, I cringe. Because I know exactly what that means. For those of you who have never been to my restaurant at lunchtime, allow me to translate.

"I'll just make this easy for you" equals, "I'll just have a water, with the soup, salad and breadsticks."

Now, maybe for some of you that sounds easy. Not for me. Let me explain. Soup, salad and breadsticks is not done by anyone in the kitchen. It's done by me - the server. I make your salad. I get your breadsticks. I pour your soup. I get your drinks. And then I run back and forth, bringing out 50 more bowls of soup, 25 more salads, and 18 more baskets of breadsticks for you, only to have you show me your gratitude with a $0.62 tip.

So please, don't make things "easy" on me. Make it difficult - please. I would love to have to work incredibly hard to get you your one entree and one or maybe two bowls of soup or salad that you'll eat along with it. Please - make me earn that 5% tip.

Look alike

On occasion, I've had people tell me I look like some famous person. There are a couple that I get consistently. The first was Pippin (Billy Boyd) off the Lord of the Rings movies. I think a big part of that was that my hair used to be long, although I've still gotten it since cutting my hair short.




Number two was the guy from the movie The Invisible (Justin Chatwin). I had a lot of people tell me I looked like that guy, although I also think it had something to do with the hair.




And then there's one more. This is the one I get most consistently. Last week at work, even, I had three different guests tell me that I looked like this guy: Edward Norton (The Italian Job, The Illusionist).


Now, I don't know if these actors and I share a common likeness or not. I mean, the myheritage.com thing told me I look like Mark Ruffalo, Matthew Perry, Bob Saget and Haley Joel Osment. But heck - I dunno. Let's hear your opinions.

Tipping (and not of cows)

Before becoming a server, I wasn't the best tipper in the world. In fact, my girlfriend told me a story yesterday about one time when we went to dinner and the guy who served us knew her. After we left, he essentially told her how I was a lousy tipper and that she shouldn't have anything to do with me as a result. In all honesty, I don't know what I left him, but I can proudly state that I have since become a better tipper.

Now, I'm not going to judge those people who don't tip well. They likely don't know, as I didn't. That nice couple with a baby the other night who left me NO tip, or those girls at lunch who order never-ending soup, salad and breadsticks, making me run around constantly and who consistently leave me $1.00 tips, or even the girl yesterday who left me $0.61. I think a lot of people just don't understand that one of the rules of dining out at a real restaurant (aka not McDonald's) is that you are supposed to tip your server.

Many people (even my dad until I told him recently) don't know how much servers make. Take a wild guess. Most people say "minimum wage." Wrong. Want to know what I make an hour? $2.16.

That's right - I only make two bucks an hour, and the rest of my salary is made up from tips. Ever wonder why there's a gratuity added on to parties of eight or more? Because sometimes people won't tip unless it's added into the bill. People keep asking the waiter for more stuff, making them run back into the kitchen time and time again, and then leave their thanks in the form of sixty-one cents tacked onto the bill.

And at Olive Garden, it's even worse. In order to guarantee people receive good service, as per company policy, servers are only allowed to serve three tables at a time (at many restaurants, servers often have 5 or 6 or even more tables). That makes sense at the OG. At other restaurants, you only take their order and bring out their drinks and (maybe) their meal - often someone else even does that for them. Those restaurants don't have the revolving salad and breadsticks that the OG has, which requires more running back to the kitchen. Now, this higher level of service (the server will even always try to be the one who brings out your food, unlike other restaurants) should translate into higher tips...but it doesn't. Especially in Provo.

The common law of tipping is 15%. Not 10%. Not $5 regardless of the size of the check (my friend got a $5 tip on a $100 bill yesterday). Tip generously - especially if you received great service. In Provo, remember that the people serving you are often poor college students, just like you. If you can't afford to leave a generous tip (at least 15%), don't go out to eat. Go to McDonald's. And definitely do not insult the server by telling them their service was only worth about sixty-two cents. They're working hard to ensure you enjoy your dining experience.

Ramblings - Only Read if You Really Want

Welp, I have a job. Like, a big person job. Like, salaried and everything. Crazy, huh? I was just hired and I start March 11. I'm really excited and happy about it. And...it was my half-birthday yesterday. How come we don't really celebrate those? I'm 25.5 years old. I think that's at least worth a cake or something.

Priestly World Cup

Apparently, the Vatican decided its priests need a little bit of recreation.

I was driving and listening the the BBC world report, when along came a little story about Catholic priests playing football (soccer to you Americans) in an organized Catholic league. I found a much abbreviated story on the BBC web site here. But it was a good story. What I found most interesting about it was that the clergy are somewhat surprised at the presence, even among priests, of - shall we say - unsportsmanlike conduct on the football pitch. I guess they assumed priests should be immune from the anger that can often follow organized, competitive sports.

This should be no surprise to anyone who has ever experienced LDS "church basketball," where somehow, the spirit of competition and the spirit of contention are often intertwined.

Good luck, Catholic church, as you strive for good sportsmanship and unity among your priests - even if it is in a sport as notorious for bad behavior as football.

Utah Drivers - justified?

I am firmly of the mindset that Utah drivers are among the worst in the world. Many Utah drivers would say it's not really Utahns making the roads scary - it's all the out-of-state drivers who are living in the area. I do admit, the idiotic girl doing her makeup in the left lane the other day was from out of state, but I still don't buy it.

I drove in London, England, for 7 months. Opposite sides of the road, tiny cars and tiny roads, high speeds, roundabouts, etc. But never was I frightened for my life until I visited Utah after my mission and drove the freeway from Salt Lake to Provo. People whizzing by on the right - I felt like I was back in England. I was even talking to one friend from Utah and mentioned the fact that it's actually illegal to pass on the right. She was genuinely surprised!

But despite all that, let me make a fantastic statement - it's not the crazy Utah drivers that people always complain about who are the most dangerous ones on the road. Who is it? The slow Utah drivers who are in the left lane.

Why, you ask? Because they're the reason Utahns have adapted to the way they drive. For some reason, old people, people on cell phones, people using the rear view mirror to do their makeup while driving - they all think the left lane is for traveling. It's NOT! It is for PASSING! Everyone in every other state in the union knows that! (I think New Yorkers know it too, but they choose to ignore it...and most every other traffic law anyway. I could write another blog just on my cab ride from JFK airport to Manhattan.)

But these Utah drivers have got it in their head that they can travel in any lane they want, regardless of their speed. This is simply not true. If you're not the fastest car on the road, you do not get in the left lane unless you're faster than another car in your lane - it's that simple. You use the left lane to PASS. That's why it's called the PASSING LANE.

So why do Utahns drive as they do, passing on the right at high speeds? Plain truth of the matter is, they have to if they want to get past Grandma in the left lane who's talking on her cell phone and going 60 in a 65. Cuz Grandma sure isn't paying any attention to anyone behind or beside her, and isn't going to budge til she's 200 feet from her exit, when she might look to the right and might signal before crossing 4 lanes of traffic to make her offramp. I once followed someone at very close proximity, going 55-57 mph (in a 65), hoping he would move over so I wouldn't have to break the law and pass on the right like everyone behind me was doing. Nope - after about 10 minutes of this, I gave in and did it.

Moral of the story - passing on the right is illegal, but until we can educate Utahns on proper driving rules, sometimes it's a necessary illegality here in Utah.